Ten and a Half Hours
by mon-petit-pois
Summary: When the team is sent to mandatory group therapy, demons from the past return to haunt them, in both the physical and emotional forms.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: The team gets sent to group therapy

A/N: I know that the whole group therapy thing has been way overdone, but I there were just some ideas of my own that I wanted to put down on paper This story takes place sometime during season 7. Mostly Ziva-centric. Oh yeah and I don't like to cuss, so I will probably "bleep" it out. This is my first story, and I am still trying to figure out how to upload stuff, so cut me some slack. NO FLAMES PLEASE! _Constructive_ criticism is welcome and encouraged. Also, I don't know if Cynthia is still on the show, but I'm gonna use her anyway. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I like to know people are actually reading this!

Vance knew that once Gibbs found out about this he would be very p/o-ed. But this was above him. There was no choice. This was not optional. He would make sure Gibbs knew that before he blows his head off. Vance knew that the MCRT had very tight bonds and didn't need something like _group therapy_ to better understand each other. Sighing, he pressed the call button. "Get Gibbs and his team up here, Ms. Scuito and Dr. Mallard included." he told Cynthia. :"Right away sir," she responded. Minutes later, he door opened and Gibbs, Tony, Ziva, McGee, Abby, and Ducky walked in.

"You wanted to see us, Dy-Reck-Tor," he asked, dragging out the syllables in Vance's title. Vance decided to just cut to the chase.

"Everybody, you will all be attending group therapy." The reaction was just as expected. Gibbs took a step forward, leaned his head to the side, folded his arms, and Vance the world famous "Gibbs Stare." Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes. Ziva laughed loud and hard. McGee's eyes widened in nervousness and disbelief. Abby's eyes also widened, but the difference was that she was smiling so big her face was about to crack. Ducky raised his eyebrows.

"You're kidding, right?" Tony asked. "Have you ever known me to kid, Agent DiNozzo?" Vance asked. Gibbs' expression didn't falter. If anything, it got even more angry. If it was anyone but Vance under Gibbs' glare, they would be disintegrated in an instant. ZIva laughed even harder. McGee's expression turned to horror, but Abby was now jumping up and down with excitement. Ducky raised his eyebrows even higher.

"Gr- Group- Ther—apy?" ZIva asked incredulously through fits of laughter. To her there was nothing funnier than Vance thinking that they were all going to spill their guts to some therapist they didn't even know.

"What the HELL makes you think we need therapy, Vance? Our team functions just fine!" Gibbs was officially pissed. Why do they need therapy? NO other team was tighter-knit than his!

"Gibbs this is not optional. You can go ahead and yell at me and tell my how your team is so absolutely perfect that you don't need therapy, but it won't make a difference. This is above me, and was not my decision. You are not getting out of this. So just attend your daily sessions like good little boys and girls." 

"D-_daily?_" McGee stuttered, now officially terrified, "How many days will this be going on?" He was afraid of the answer.

"A week. Hour and half daily." Vance answered. "_WHAT?"_ everybody said. Once was bad enough. But ten and a half hours of therapy? This was bound to be torture. "You start tomorrow. 0700. You are having sessions with the NCIS Therapist. Level 2, room 207. Don't be late."

Chapter 2

SQUADROOM, 0640 the next morning

"What will McGoo, let spill, I wonder?" Tony, mused, despite the fact that Tim was sitting not 10 feet from him.

"Oh, shut up Tony," he said, not even looking up from his work. "Wonder what _Gibbs _will let spill?" Tony said, pretending to not hear McGee. WHACK! Tony felt a hand collide with the back of his head.

"Well, that depends. Do you want me to have to kill you?" Gibbs asked, rhetorically. "Shutting up, boss" he stated and looked back to his screen. Gibbs walked over to his desk.

"Where's David?" Gibbs asked, looking around. "The head," they answered simultaneously, and moments later, Ziva comes around the corner and enters the bullpen. "Well speak of the devil," Tony said. Ziva just smirked and sat down at her desk.

They all heard the elevator open the same time they all heard the squealing. Abby ran out (or as close as you can get to running in 3 inch platform shoes), clapping her hands, with Bert tucked under her arm. She ran up to Gibbs' desk, set down Bert on it and gave him a huge Abby-hug.

"Oh, Gibbs this is going to be soooooo much fun! Don't cha think?" They hadn't seen her take a breath yet, "This is going to be like, the best! I get to spend time with, like, my favorite people in the WHOLE WORLD! Isn't this great! This is going to be the best week ev-"

"Can-Can't breathe- Ab-Abby" Gibbs gasped. "Oh. Sorry." She said, "SOOO are we gonna go now or what? We don't wanna be late. Abby, we have 15 minutes. And it's just downstairs." McGee reasoned.

"Don't be silly Timmy. What if we have to wait for the elevator? What if we get caught up? What if—"

"We got time, Abby," Tony said. Sighing, Abby started to pace. After about a minute, it was getting annoying. 5 minutes later, she stopped and said. "Can we go NOW?"

Sighing, they gave in. And they headed off to what was sure to be the worst hour and a half of their lives.

A/N: Sorry. It starts out slow. It will get better I promise. And this first chapter is sort of an experiment so forgive any spacing and font issues, And feel free to correct my grammar and spelling. READ AND REVIEW!:)


	2. Chapter 2

THERAPIST"S OFFICE 0700 TUESDAY

They all sat down on the plush armchairs in the doctor's office. There were 7 chairs, one for each of them and one for the doctor, who was walking in the door, shutting it behind her. She had blonde hair down to her shoulders and was what Tony would call a chick.

"Welcome, Team Gibbs! My name is Dr. Bernstein," she said, "Now we are going to start out by introducing yourself to me," she looked towards Ducky. _This woman is far too cheerful, _thought Ziva grumpily.

"Yes, well, my name is Dr. Donald Mallard, but you can call me Ducky. Some of my hobbies include autopsying dead bodies, biology, cryptology, Egyptology, paleontology, astronomy…" he said in his darling English accent. He stopped when he realized that he was rambling. Dr. Bernstein nodded and looked to Ducky's left, where Abby was sitting. She was sucking down the last of her Caf-Pow, her face purple. McGee ripped it from her hands and threw it in a nearby trash can. "Abs, breathe," Gibbs reminded her. Finally, she exhaled.

My name is Forensic Scientist Abigail Scuito, but you can call me Abby. NOT Abigail. Ducky is the only one allowed to call me that," she said matter-of-factly.

Dr. Bernstein gave her a weird look. Nice to meet you, er, Abby. She was about to turn to McGee, when Abby said "WAIT! I'm not done. You didn't give me a chance to introduce _him_! Dr. Bernstein, meet Bert!" She said as she gave him a squeeze. And Bert farted.

The psychiatrist's eyebrows couldn't go up any higher. She finally blinked, looked at Abby once more, and turned right to face McGee. "I'm Special Agent Timothy McGee, but you can call me McGee. I like to write in my free time and—"

"Yeah, writing novels about US and OUR private lives and making a lot of money off of—"Tony murmured under his breath. He stopped when Ziva punched his arm.

"—and playing World of Warcraft III." McGee finished. Dr. Bernstein nodded and looked at Ziva.

"My name is Special Agent Ziva David." She said. Dr. Bernstein continued to stare at her.

"That it?" she asked.

"Yes, what else is there?" Ziva said.

"Well, you could say something about your interests…" she prompted. Ziva just stared at her, creating an awkward silence.

"Ok. Moving on," she said as she moved on to Tony.

"My name is VERY Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. But _you_ can call me Tony," he said with a wink. Almost everybody rolled their eyes at DiNozzo's attempt to flirt with the therapist. Dr. Bernstein also rolled her eyes, but otherwise ignored his flirting. She moved on to Gibbs.

"Special Agent Gibbs," he stated.

"Anything else? What is your first name? I like to call my patients by their first names," she said.

"Just Gibbs," he said. Another awkward silence ensued. She sighed and moved on.

"Ok, now that I know your names, we are going to do an activity. We are going to all write ten things that we know about the people to our right. That means that, erm, _Gibbs_ will write about Tony (Tony's eyes narrowed), Tony will write about Ziva (Tony's face automatically broke into a smile, and Ziva rolled her eyes at that), Ziva about McGee, McGee about Abby, Abby about Ducky, and Ducky about Gibbs." She told them as she passed around clipboards, paper, and pencils. "Alright, you have ten minutes." She went behind her desk and started to work on paperwork.

TEN MINUTES LATER

"Let's start with Gibbs, shall we?" She was greeted by more silence. "Gibbs, why don't you stand up and read what you wrote about Tony." Gibbs glared at her, but did what he was told anyway.

"1. Juvenile

2. Annoying

3. Womanizer

5. Immature

6. Will never shut up

7. Likes the sound of his own voice

8. Class Clown

9. Frat boy

10. Great agent" Gibbs finished and sat back down, smirking. Tony was blushing profusely, but in truth, number ten had made him very satisfied.

"Alright, erm, Tony, your turn," Dr. Bernstein looked a little… was it amused? Tony stood up, and after giving Ziva a big long look that she took to mean _don't kill me after I'm done_. Taking a deep breath, he began.

"1. Deadly

2. Can speak like a hundred languages

3. Can kill me 18 different ways with a paperclip

4. Emotionally distant

5. Ex Mossad Assassin

6. Master at hand-to-had combat

7. Possibly Houdini's killer. (She doesn't remember _all_ of their names)

8. Resilient

9. Hates cheerleaders and supermodels

10. Always has my back, which makes her a damn good partner" he finished. In spite of herself, Ziva smiled. But then she remembered number four…

"Emotionally distant?" she asked, incredulous.

"Hey, it's the truth. Though it's been better since you got back from Somalia… You talk more about yourself." Ziva's heart skipped a beat when he mentioned Somalia. Had those months of torture made her weak? Were her walls finally falling?

"Ziva, your turn," Dr. Bernstein jerked her out of her reverie.

"Right," she said, and began.

"1. Good author

2. Loyal

3. Computer genius

4. Geek (but in a good way)

5. Likes video games

6. World famous author, Thom E. Gemcity

7. Great friend

8. Becomes a better field agent every day

9. Has a Biomedical Degree in Engineering from John's Hopkins (and will let no one forget it)

10. Trustworthy" Ziva stated. McGee beamed.

"Alright, Tim—"the doctor began.

"McGee," he corrected.

"Right. Sorry. Alright, McGee your turn." McGee nodded and began.

"Um, Abby is,

a genius

friendly

loves hugs

loves death metal

sleeps in a coffin

an oxymoron

can kill you and leave no forensic evidence

doesn't wear the dog collar for show

speaks sign language

Her lab equipment is her babies," he concluded. Abby was smiling happily as she sucked on another Caf-Pow (who knows where she got it?).

"My turn, my turn, my turn," she exclaimed as she jumped up and down, "Ok so the Duck-Man is smart, funny, adorable, full of stories, grandfatherly, always there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, understanding, able to read you like a book, sweet, and polite,"

"Thank you, my dear Abigail," Ducky said.

"Ok and finally, Ducky's turn." The therapist said. Duck nodded and stood up.

"Jethro is the strong and silent type. He is quiet, but his silence speaks volumes. He is an amazing leader, father-figure, and agent. He knows exactly who he is, and has created a set of guidelines for himself. His gaze can cool a room by 20 degrees, and is feared by all new recruits." The medical-examiner (with a degree in psychology said).

"All right. Good job everyone. We meet again tomorrow. And also, we are going to have individual sessions on Thursday." She added.

"Individual sessions?" they asked at the same time.

"Yes, you will all be having individual sessions where you will be talking about your and your relationship with your co-workers!" She said, cheerfully. They all groaned. Ziva was worried though. She didn't want to spill her guts to this stranger! What if she cracked, though? _Ha! What am I thinking? I survived months of interrogation by terrorists; I think that I can handle a shrink._ _At least I hope so… What if Salim weakened me? What if all of those walls that I spent so long building come crashing down?_

A/N: Sorry for any OOC's. I may update soon, but I can only update when my parents aren't home and that doesn't happen that often. Sorry if it takes a while. Again, tell me if you can find any spelling mistakes. And I am spelling the terrorist's name "Salim," because that is just how I believe it is spelled.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: this chapter is very short. I didn't have much time. Sorry:'(

Disclaimer: seriously what is the point of these things. Everyone knows that I don't own NCIS! (ever wonder if the writers ever read these?)

"She has got to go." were the first words out of Tony's mouth when they reached the squadroom. Dr. Bernstein had gotten on his nerves. He didn't know exactly why, but she just did it was that way with most therapists. Everybody, even Gibbs, except Abby nodded in agreement.

"Aw C'mon Tony she was nice!" Abby protested, but then seemed to reconsider it, "Although, it would be fun to see how long she could go without breaking..." she trailed off.

"That's the spirit! I vote that we tell her the truth. No sugar coating, no emotion, just the blatant truth. God knows that just that will make her go crazy..." Tony said.

"Yeah, then Ziva can tell the disturbing stories of her Mossad days and how many people she's killed..." McGee suggested. But he stopped when he saw Ziva giving him a murderous look.

"You know I stopped counting after 30, McGee! But otherwise, I like it. I could use a little fun."

"Then it's settled. Operation S.A.T.A.T.B.T.T.B.T begins tomorrow at 0700," Abby said. Everyone just stared at her. Most of them had gotten lost at "S". Abby saw their looks and clarified, "It stands for Operation Scare Away The Annoying Therapist By Telling The Blatant Truth."

"Oh." they all said.

"Well, Gibbs? What do you think?" Abby inquired as she turned to him. Gibbs smirked.

"This will certainly be interesting..." he shrugged, "I'm in." Abby broke into a full grin before turning to Ducky. "What do you think, Donald Duck?" Smiling at the nickname, Ducky replied.

"My dear, I agree with Jethro. This will certainly be interesting, and I am curious as to what 'truths' you will tell" he informed them with raised eyebrows for the last part.

Tony hadn't thought about that. Oh, well, tomorrow would be an interesting day. But for the meantime, they all sat back down at their desks and continued to work. Most of their minds weren't on the countless piles of paperwork to do though. Most were contemplating what 'truths' they would tell. The most traumatic ones for sure. Gibbs going into a coma, his whole affair with Jeanne, Ziva's, erm, PREDICAMENT with the FBI (and his too), and Kate's death were all at the top of the list. But there was one more subject that was certainly very traumatic. It was still a very touchy subject, and it was for that reason that Tony was scared to bring up.

A/N: Sorry again for the shortness. I had to do a P.E. Project that I had procrastinated on (surprise, surprise). And yes, you did read it right. Our Phys. Ed. Teacher assigned us a p.e. Project. On SPORTSMANSHIP! Ugh. Last year we had to write an essay. At least this year she gave us a choice of a poster. But still, what is the world coming to? And I also have to do my science fair project… sigh. And if you like this, read my other story, a really long oneshot, called don't judge a geek by her cover.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I was in the school spelling bee today... I got out when I misspelled quarterback. UGH so firkin STUPID! I got nervous I guess. I know how to spell quarterback (see I just spelled it :P)! I left out the first r. But its not like I was expecting to win anyway. There's this guy in 8th grade (I'm in 7th) who, ever since he could participate in the spelling bee in fifth grade has won the school spelling bee. That kid is amazing, but is also INSANELY annoying. So he won AGIAN (no surprise there) and made the rest of us look stupid. One time, he made it all the way to the National Scripps Spelling Bee (did I spell that right? Lol:D) in D.C. Well I wouldn't have Been able to go anyway, I have regional power of the pen that day AND a piano competition. I am a busy girl. What is it with March 5th anyway? So, no, you will not be getting another chapter on march 5th. Anyway, I'm rambling, let's get to the story. Oh and I'm about to watch new episode of NCIS... Sorta nervous. By the end of the chapter it will be watched and I will comment about it in the end authors note. And this chapter may seem mostly OOC, but in this chapter they are trying to act like emotionless robots to scare away the therapist, remember?

Disclaimer: no, I don't own NCIS... Yet. This is all part of my master plan... *evil laugh* :)

Outside the therapist's office, Wednesday, 0655

They were actually early. Most of them were contemplating how they would hold up their end of "Operation S.A.T.A.T.B.T.T.B.T." Indifference was definitely the key.

"So, Tony, what are you going to talk about?" Abby inquired. They had developed sort of an awkward silence and this was Abby's attempt to start a conversation.

"Personally, I think that it would be best to not talk unless she asks us a question. And answer in the shortest and most direct way possible." Ducky said as he approached, Tony looked confused. Ducky clarified, "For example, if she asks you did last night, say slept, Tony," Tony frowned.

"Wait, what if I didn't-" he started, his brow furrowed.

"I am sure Tony, that you technically still SLEPT last night." Ziva said, rolling her eyes.

"For your information, Zee-VAH, I played Scrabble last night," Tony corrected with a mischievous grin.

"SCRABBLE kept you up last night Tony? No one would buy that story Tony. You can barely spell-" McGee was cut off.

"At least I wasn't beaten by an Israeli who has the tendency to butcher her idioms, McQi." (A/N: that was a reference to "About Face"). McGee decided that now would be good time to change the subject.

"Where's Gibbs?" he asked.

"Behind you," Gibbs half-yelled as he rounded the corner, of course accompanied by the ever-present cup of coffee (most likely his third). He timed it perfectly. Just as he arrived, Dr. Bernstein opened the door to let them in. It was show time.

...

"Welcome back, Team Gibbs. Take a seat." Dr. Bernstein said in that all-too-cheerful voice of hers. It made Ziva gnash her teeth.

"So, today we will be discussing our pasts, in order to better understand each other. They rolled their eyes. It was so typical.

(A/N: I will probably be making up a lot of information)

"Let's start with you, Gibbs," she said as she turned to the silver-haired team leader. The team involuntarily leaned closer. They all wanted to hear about Gibbs' past and what made him so... Gibbsy.

"Born in Stillwater, Pennsylvania. Dad's name is Jackson. Mom's was Sylvia. Dead. I joined the Marines, married Shannon, we had Kelly. Eight years later I was deployed Iraq. Desert Storm. Shannon witnessed a murder made by Pedro Hernandez, drug dealer. He killed them both. I was in a coma for 19 days after I got caught in an IED explosion. Joined NCIS. Married 3 more times." Gibbs said, all the while showing no emotion.

"Um, wow. That's... Ok. Tony. Your turn." she stuttered.

"Born in New York. Dad Anthony DiNozzo senior. Mom Marissa DiNozzo, died when I was eight. Dad shipped me off to boarding school. Cut off when I was twelve. Joined NCIS in 2001 after 9/11."

"Ok, your turn Ziva," she was hoping that this mysterious woman would have had a happy childhood. How wrong she was.

"Born in Tel Aviv. Father, Eli David, left me for dead. Mother, Ayala David. Dead. Sister, Tali, also dead, victim of a Hamas suicide bombing. I killed my half-brother, Ari," Gibbs could see how hard it was for her to say that. But the therapist could not. "I became a Mossad assassin. Later, came to NCIS as a liaison. Became an agent 4.5 years later. US citizen soon after," she ended. She had raddled all of this off like a robot. The therapist knew she was missing something. Something important. Oh well, later date. Dr. Bernstein had started to get the idea of these agents childhoods. She was almost afraid to ask agent McGee to stand up.

"Erm, thank you, Ziva. McGee?" she prompted.

"Right. Parents Caleb McGee, in the Air Force, and Darla McGee. Sister Sarah McGee. I attended Johns Hopkins where I got a-"

"Biomedical engineering degree, we know!" Tony, Abby, and Ziva said as they rolled their eyes.

"Ok, well, Abby," Dr. Bernstein said. She had been shocked that, after what she had head of everybody else's history, that McGee had managed to live such a... Could it be normal, life. Abby took a deep breath. This was going to be difficult for her, the team knew, because she was so emotional. It was going to be hard to act like nothing mattered.

"Born in New Orleans, to deaf parents. Had a brother, Cameron. I lived in Louisiana until I was eleven. My dad got a job in Canton, Ohio, and I lived there until I went to college. I have been at NCIS for 9 years." they all thought she was done, but then she cracked. "Ok so in more DETAIL, my brother committed suicide when I was 12, he had to leave behind all of his friends in Louisiana and became, like, REALLY depressed. I was so sad, I started dressing in his clothes. I always loooooooved his style so it, like, STUCK with me. I started to listen to his music, mostly death metal. That stuck with me too. But I am not like all "I hate my life. My brother's death hit us all reallllllly hard and it was then I realized the value of life. I thought about all of the time that I COULD have spent with him, how many times I could have hugged him. So now, i hug, like, EVERYONE, because, I mean we work for a freaking government agency! They could be killed tomorrow. So now I hug them while o can. Even though it won't be nearly enough. Like when Kate died, or when Jenny got killed, or when we all thought that Ziva had died on her way to kill Sa-" Abby had been talking full speed like normal when she was interrupted by Tony, who had noticed Ziva stiffen when Abby started to talk about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. They all had sort of a silent pact that his name was forbidden. She just wasn't ready to talk about him yet. Not yet. Tony was worried she would go into a panic attack. He didn't know how to handle it if his big, bad, ninja assassin broke down in tears.

"I think that's enough, Abby," he said as he shot her a meaningful look. At first she looked confused, and was about to protest, but then when she caught a glimpse of Ziva's face, she quickly shut her mouth. To an outsider, like Dr. Bernstein, she was simply staring into space, but anyone who knew her she was flashing back. Flashing back to things that were not healthy for her to think about. To Somalia. To Salim.

TBC very soon

A/N: I was planning on continuing and posting the entire scene in one chapter, but I got bored of writing and figured you would rather read part of it now and the rest later than have to wait. Ok a few notes:

1) am I the only one who was disappointed in last nights episode? I'm glad that no one left, but there was some hinting... I will stop watching if anyone but Vance leaves the show. I hate Vance. Sorry to Vance-likers but he is just so EVIL! I'm sort of nervous for the season finale…

2) to AJ: if you are reading this, you are right, Ducky IS scottish. However, his accent is British (he went to school there).

Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

Also, if this chapter was boring, I apologize. If it wasn't As good as it could have been, what do u think that I could do different? Advice is welcome, and appreciated.

Read and Review! 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I am actually writing this on the 19th, but I will be without wifi all weekend so this will probably get posted on like the 21st. Sorry for the wait. and Also, dr. Bernstein is new to NCIS. So she doesn't know who Jenny was.

Oooo and major major spoilers in this chapter for pretty much the whole show.

Disclaimer: I'm fed up with these things. Like I own it.

Continuing where chapter 4 left off...

Dr. Bernstein was puzzled. Enough? It was just getting good! She had so many questions though. Why did Ziva kill her own brother? What did she mean by her father had left her for dead? Who was Kate? Who was Jenny? What had Abby been about to say? Why did Tony stop her?

There were so many questions that she didn't know where to begin. Well she had to start somewhere...

"I have more than a few questions. I have asked you all for your background, but what is your history as a team? Let's start at the beginning. Each of you will say one thing as we go around. Ziva, why don't you start?" Dr. Bernstein prompted as she turned her head to Ziva.

"Why will I not start? I will not start because I do not know much of the history. Gibbs should start."

"Why do you not know much?"

" Because I was not there," Ziva rolled her eyes as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. It was at that point that Gibbs began.

"Our field team consisted of Tony and I. Abby was still the forensic scientist, and Ducky was the ME, with Gerald as his assistant. Then Kate joined us from the Secret Service. Then McGee joined us soon after. That was our team for 2 years.

Towards the end of our first year, a terrorist infiltrated NCIS in a body bag. took Ducky, Kate, and Gerald hostage in autopsy. Shot Gerald in the shoulder. Shot me in the shoulder when he made his escape. Gerald was replaced by Jimmy Palmer. Soon after his escape, our terrorist friend attempted to assassinate the president. A year went by. He killed Kate. That's when we met Ziva." he sounded done. The therapist turned to Ziva, expecting her to continue the story. Ziva knew she had no choice. She knew that this woman would do nothing bad with the information. But after 3 months of not talking, withholding information about her team, she was supposed to just start talking? They were insane. But the better part of her brain knew that she could tell this woman. She was, however, more worried about the dam that held back all of her emotions. It already had a huge crack, a fault line just ready to fail. She continued the tale anyway.

"The terrorist was Ari, my half brother. I was his Control Officer. They thought I was assigned to get him out of it. I was really assigned to kill him. A mission I was sent on but none other than my father. He sent me to kill his son. I only took the assignment to protect him. Only when I realized that Ari wasn't innocent, and he was about to kill Gibbs, did I kill him. I killed my own brother..." she was staring into space. Now that she had started she couldn't stop. She still didn't show any emotion. But she was feeling it.

"I joined NCIS as a liaison with Mossad. Director Morrow moved on to fresher waters-"

"Greener pastures," they all corrected her simultaneously.

"Whatever. But Jenny Sheppard replaced him. Jenny was a good friend of mine, and it was because of her I got this job. She was also Gibbs' old... Partner.

A year later, Gibbs was caught in an explosion, and was in a coma for a while. When he woke up, he had forgotten the last 15 years of his life. When he regained his memory, he... Retired. Moved to Mexico.

Four months later, I was framed for an assassination by Iranian Intelligence. Gibbs came back from Mexico to help me, and later found out that Jenny had just placed him on leave without pay. He came back." she finished. This was so much for Dr. Bernstein to take in. How could they be so CALM?

"Alright, Tony, your turn."

"Jenny sent me on a long term undercover mission while Gibbs was on his vacation in Mexico." Gibbs reached over and slapped him on the head. The therapist was shocked when Tony didn't protest. Was this a regular occurrence?

"Sorry, boss. Anyway, I was told to get "close" to an arms dealer's daughter. And I found myself falling for Jeanne. I don't know how I thought it was gonna end. Well she found out who i was when her dad met me. She moved to Africa." Tony said sadly. "The arms dealer's dead. Officially, no one knows who killed him. But we know.

Later, Jenny went to attend a funeral in LA. Ziva and I were her protection detail. The funeral was for a man who used to be on her and Gibbs' team. He supposedly died of natural causes. Jenny knew this was bull. So she investigated and it got her killed. She killed them all, but not before they all killed her. But she had a fatal brain tumor. She was dying." this time it was Gibbs who was staring into space. Showing no emotion. But hurting on the inside. Dr. Bernstein was amazed at how much this team had survived.

"Alright. McGee your turn." she said.

"Well, Vance took over. He spilt up our team. Now we know that it was for the purpose of finding a mole. Ziva and Tony were told to break into a top secret government facility and to test the security. They didn't know it at the time, but they were actually testing to see who was really the mole. We narrowed it down. It was Lee. She was being blackmailed, they had her daughter. She sacrificed herself in order to kill the man responsible." McGee's face was sad. Dr. Bernstein was beyond commenting anymore. She just turned to Abby. Ziva knew what was coming, and she didn't want to relive this. She couldn't.

A/N: I know, I'm evil. But the next chapter is coming very very soon. So just hang tight! Sorry if this chapter was boring. And please please please review. They make me a very happy writer... 

And thanks to all the people who have reviewed! Even the person named luzma, who wrote in spanish, which was a nice touch


	6. Chapter 6

Tony didn't know what to do. He could read her like a book, and the panic in her eyes could be seen by anyone who knew her well. She couldn't do this.

He could see that Abby was panicking also. She didn't want to do this.

And then Ducky came to their rescue.

"Well look at the time, we must be going now." he said. Their time was indeed up. Ziva had been saved by the bell. Ziva breathed a small sigh of relief. But she knew she couldn't run from this forever.

"I think that I have gotten the idea of your team's past, Gibbs. We will not need to finish this exercise. However, I have been studying you all, and, instead of having individual sessions tomorrow, we will be pairing up. Obviously, Tony and Ziva will be paired together because they are partners, and McGee and Abby will be paired up because they seem close. So that just leaves you two. What is your relationship with Gibbs, Dr. Mallard?"

"Please, call me Ducky. I have known Jethro for over a decade, and have been on many adventures together. We are very close friends."

"Alright, looks like those are the pairings then. I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning." her voice, however, was not what it had been when they had walked in that morning. She was no longer cheerful. Their depressing stories had done that to her. The way they recounted each event almost emotionlessly, except for the mystery event involving Ziva that everyone seemed terrified to bring up. They were worried about Ziva's mental state, but Dr. Bernstein had no clue why. But she intended to find out, tomorrow, during the sessions that she had come up with not 2 minutes prior.

...

She once said nothing was inevitable.

She lied.

THIS was inevitable. Talking was inevitable. Talking. About Somalia.

She, however, did not want to talk. She didn't want to do anything that might endanger her dam. It was growing weaker. She had carefully built it brick by brick, and if it came tumbling down, who knows how long it would take to rebuild?

But worse, what if she broke in front of Tony? She was completely against the whole "partner session" thing. Breaking when it was just her and Dr. Frankenstein was bad enough, but if Tony witnessed it? 'Be grateful it's not in front of the entire team, Ziva' she thought.

She hadn't broke in Somalia. She became numb. She ignored the pain as best she could. She didn't cry, didn't scream. And she DIDN'T BREAK.

Somalia had weakened her dam. It was ironic that big bad terrorists with automatic weapons and torture techniques had had her for 3 months, and only managed to weaken her.

But the therapist with good intentions had had her for 3 hours, and she was about to break. 


	7. Chapter 7

Gibbs could see it eating away at her. From the inside out. The need to tell someone. She needed a shoulder to cry on, though she would never admit it.

Her father had raised her to be an emotionless, soulless killer. In her eyes, emotions were weakness. But she was slowly starting to realize that emotions made her human. Needing someone to cry to, he could only imagine how much that went against everything that she had been taught.

Gibbs was willing to be her shoulder, as was everybody else. They were her friends and they wouldn't judge her.

She didn't seem to get that.

Her emotions were still meticulously held back, but Gibbs could feel her silent resolve slipping. A therapist was not what she needed. Sure, she needed to talk, she needed to open up to someone. But after struggling to remain silent all summer, there was no way she was going to just pour her heart out to a complete stranger. What Ziva David needed was a friend, whether it be McGee, the supportive and understanding brother, Tony, the man that everyone knew she loved, Abby, the over-exuberant sister who cares so much about her, Ducky, the Grandfather who always knew what to say, or himself, Gibbs, the father that she never really had. Dr. Bernstein was not on the list. Gibbs began to find himself feeling sorry for the young doctor, who obviously was yet to realize that she had bitten off more than she could chew.

"At least Ziva has Tony there for support." Gibbs thought. "She doesn't know it, but him being there will probably be a great blessing. He knows better than most, and he will support her and let her cry into his shoulder. Because that's what friends are for."

...

0700 The next day

TONY AND ZIVA'S SESSION

Dr. Bernstein was excited. The chemistry between the two of them was something she had never seen before. But something separated them. Something had happened to them. The therapist made it her mission to find out what.

A drunken one night stand, maybe? A failed secret love affair? She could only speculate.

She stepped out into the hallway, and told Ziva and Tony that their thirty-minute session was about to begin.

Only instead of "session," Ziva heard "interrogation." she began to panic. But she had survived 3 months of it. Surely she could survive thirty minutes of non-painful interrogation?

Ziva POV

She stepped into the room, half expecting a dirty, dingy cell with a wooden chair in the middle. But instead she found a mahogany desk and 3 plush chairs. Two of them sat side by side, facing the third. Ziva sat in one of the first two, and Tony sat beside her in the other. Dr. Bernstein shut the door and took a seat, clipboard in hand. Her eyes were alight with excitement.

"Alright, so tell me about your relationships with your team here at NCIS." she prompted Ziva. Ziva just stared, remembering.

'Tell me everything you know... About NCIS.' Salim demanded.

"Ziva?" Dr. Bernstein asked. Ziva inhaled sharply as she was jerked out of her rêverie, realizing that she had not been breathing.

Ziva just stared at her, defiance in her eyes. She would not say anything to this woman. Not now, not ever.

"Is she ok?" she whispered to Tony. He looked over to Ziva, who was giving him a look that just screamed "If you tell her I will do some unfortunate things to you with my Bobby pin." so he looked at the doctor and said,

"She's fine. Just tired." Dr. Bernstein knew that was a load of crap, but decided to let it go.

"Well, so, how do you guys relate? What has happened between you two?" she asked. She regretted asking it when she saw the pained look on Tony's face. Ziva just shut her eyes. She knew what was coming... 

A/N: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW THEY MAKE ME VERY HAPPY:D sorry for the mini cliff hanger… Sorry this chapter was so short. I just saw a good ending point and I ended it there. But never fear, chapter 8 is almost done!

And also, I just posted a new story, called Won't Judge You. I want to see what kind of response I get, so if you feel up to it, read that too!

Thanx to everybody who reviewed.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: this is the chapter we have all been waiting for... There is not too much Tiva here sorry guys:( but I needed to make my plot twist work... Oops! Did I just give away something...?

Disclaimer: I should just stop putting these up. Like I would ever own it...

"I killed her boyfriend." Tony said, matter of factly. Ziva shot him a murderous look.

"What the HELL did you tell her for? I thought we agreed not to tell her anything!" Ziva whisper yelled at Tony. She spoke in Italian, a language they both spoke but the therapist did not.

"If I tell her about Rivkin, she will focus on him and hopefully not move on to more... Erm... Difficult... Matters." he replied in the same language. Ziva sighed. As much as she did not want to admit it, he was right. She would focus all of her energy on the "boyfriend troubles," and hopefully not dig deep enough to discover what happened after they left her on the Tarmac. Because talking about Rivkin was far less threatening to her mental stability than talking about Salim. So she nodded.

Throughout all of this, the therapist was studying them very closely to see what she could pick up from their body language, and what her rudimentary Latin skills could tell her about what they were saying.

All she could tell was that Tony was trying to be persuasive, and Ziva was angry, most likely because he answered her question. She probably would have been able to pick up more, had she not been so amazed at what Tony had said.

"You KILLED her boyfriend?" she asked, her jaw dropped. To her surprise, Ziva spoke up.

"He shot Michael to death in my living room." she said, nodding. Dr. Bernstein was shocked.

"And, WHY, may I ask, did you shoot Michael?" the therapist asked, "Jealousy?" Tony sighed, he knew he should be honest. Plus, the more complicated he makes this, the more time they will be able to kill.

"I was jealous, yes. But that is not why I killed him,"

"Why then? Did he hurt her?" she asked, concerned.

"Michael Rivkin was a Mossad officer. His love for me was fake, he was under orders from my father to... befriend me and make me return to Mossad." Ziva said, apparently emotionlessly. But Tony knew how hard it was for her.

It was, however, easier to talk about than Somalia.

"Ok, why don't we take a short break? Be back here in 5 minutes." And with that, the therapist left the room.

"Why do we have to do this, Tony?" she asked. "For all we know she could be a North Korean spy, here to steal inside information-"

"I doubt she is a spy, Zee-VAH. She is far too naïve. I bet you she will puke when you tell her about-" he cut himself off just in time. Ziva glared at him.

"I will NOT be talking about... Somalia if that is what you mean." she growled. "This woman has no business snooping into my private life! I keep my personal and professional lives separate for a reason-"

"Alright, are you ready to begin again?" Dr. Bernstein asked as she walked through the door once again. Her voice was as annoying and bubbling with excitement as always, and this time she had a Caf-Pow! in her hand.

"Caffeine. That explains so much," Ziva whispered to Tony in Italian.

"Wonder if she and Abby are related?" he replied in the same tongue.

"Ok, let's start. How did Tony killing Michael effect your relationship with him?" Dr. Bernstein resumed her interrogation.

Tony and Ziva exchanged nervous glances.

"My father got his wish. I returned to Mossad." Another glance. "I... told Gibbs that I could not trust Tony. That I could not..." Glance. "that I could no longer work on the same team. I... I made Gibbs choose. He left me behind. Only now do I know why."

"And why did he?" she continued to pry.

"You know what? This is NONE of your business! This is between Tony, Gibbs, my father and myself!"

"Why don't we just calm down-"

"I will NOT calm down! The past is the past!" she was now standing up and walking back and forth across the carpet. "I do not wish to talk about this. Tony already knows EXACTLY what happened! Why do I need to tell YOU about the greatest regret of my life? I do not need to relive this! One thing leads to another, and then you will have me reliving SOMALIA! Are you trying to torture me further? Is that your mission?" she yelled. Her sudden rampage shocked both the doctor and Tony.

Tony couldn't believe she was so angry that she had mentioned Somalia. The only time she had ever talked about it was when she was accused of murdering Daniel Cryer.

Dr. Bernstien was shocked as well, but she was also puzzled. What had happened in Somalia that made her think that anyone who mentioned it was attempting psychological torture? Dr. Bernstein stood up and laid a hand on Ziva's shoulder when her back was turned to her. It was meant to be comforting. The doctor did NOT expect her reaction.

Ziva whipped around, knocking Dr. Bernstien's Caf-Pow! out of her hand. It spilt all over Ziva's shirt and arm.

Ziva PoV.

She thought she had never tasted Caf-Pow!.

Well, she was wrong.

She is transported back to the cell. Salim, smoking a cigarette and drinking a red substance from a canteen.

She had often thought about what it could be. She had vacillated between her dilitued blood, and really rusty water.

It wouldn't have surprised her it it had turned out to be the former. Salim was a sick, sadistic bastard. He was a monster.

So why not be a vampire?

But she knew it was neither blood nor disgusting water when she finally was able to smell it.

He would pour it onto her open wounds, making them sting like hell. Occasionally, he would pour it on her out of frustration.

The smell of it disgusted her. But it was nothing compared to tasting it. She would puke everytime.

It tasted like cranberries and cigarette smoke.

Ziva would have never guessed that the mystery drink was in fact Caf-Pow!. She had thought that leaving Salim meant leaving behind the substance that she had come to loathe.

How wrong she was.

She was surrounded by it everyday.

She couldn't breathe. He was there again, taunting her, demanding her for information. She could smell the Caf-Pow! in his breath. She had never left. It had all been a dream.

And Ziva knew one thing. She would not talk ever again. She will never open up her mouth to speak again.

She did not know how much time had passed before the world went black. 

A/N: I just want to say that this was NOT copied from Alidiabin's story, Raspberry Rivers. I had this idea a long time ago, before I read Raspberry Rivers (and I've u're reading this, Alidiabin, I loved it). 


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: this chap is mostly Tony PoV... Review please!

The Caf-Pow! was spilt all over her. As soon as she registered what was going on, Ziva was on the floor.

Tony rushed to her side, and the therapist stood unmoving. She had no idea what she had just done.

Ziva's breaths came in ragged gasps. Her chest and stomach rose and fell with her labored breathing. Her unseeing eyes were full of ancient hurt. They had the same haunted look as they did when Tony had found her in Africa.

It took Tony a while to make the connection. Caw-Pow! equals Salim Ulmann.

Salim Ulmann equals The subject of Ziva's nightmares.

And since a equals b and b equals c, we can logically conclude that Caf-Pow! equals The subject of Ziva's nightmares.

Wow, since when did he do math? McGeek must be rubbing off on him...

'Not the time, DiNozzo," he thought as he mentally head slapped himself. He dropped to his knees at her side.

Her back was arched in a very unnatural position, it seems that every muscle in her body was tensed. She seemed utterly delirious. She was, however, comprehensive enough to flinch when Tony rested his hand on her rapidly rising and falling stomach. She let out a small whimper.

"Please, Salim..." she whispered, her voice breaking. And Tony realized something as he watched her shrink away from his panicked gaze.

She thought he was Salim.

And Tony's heart broke in two.

Ziva, his big bad ninja, was scared.

Of HIM. Of her own partner. Was he really that similar in looks to be easily mistaken for Salim?

No he wasn't.

That bastard must have done some damn bad things to have her hallucinating that bad at the smell of Caf-Pow!.

And he didn't want to think about what it might've been.

Tony's other hand reaches out to hold the back of her head. Her eyes turn back to him, full of pain, suspicion, and uncertainty. But she does not struggle as he pulls her into his arms.

"Ziva, please, look at me! You are here in D.C. Salim is dead. We saved you," he pleaded with her, trying to reassure her. She still did not look him in the eye and was shaking uncontrollably, "You are not in Somalia, sweet cheeks. You are home."

"Somalia..." Ziva whimpered.

It was hopeless. She was trapped in her head, victim to her own memories. The only thing that he could do now was wait it out, and hope it would end soon.

He felt absolutely terrible. He had fallen for it. For her act. He had thought that she would be fine without talking. Now he realized that he should have sat her down and talked. Keeping all of her feelings pent up inside of her was dangerous. It was like a volcano. The lava builds and builds and builds, until the pressure becomes just too much, and it erupts.

And if it's like Mount Saint Helen's, then it takes some of the volcano with it.

Tony feared that Ziva was like St. Helen's. He could only hope that this episode would not leave her scarred in such a way.

Then he felt her go limp in his arms.

A/N: no she's not dead. R&R!


	10. Chapter 10

Dr. Bernstein stared at Ziva, unable to move. She had absolutely no idea what was happening.

It was only Caf-Pow! Was Ziva David a germaphobic or something?

The doctor knew this wasn't the case when Tony reached out to her and gently laid his hand on her and she pleaded with a man named Salim. Dr. Bernstein had no idea why Caf-Pow! would trigger her panic button.

Then she heard Tony reassuring her. He said Salim was dead. That she was home. In D.C. Not in Somalia.

Salim. Abby had mentioned something about thinking Ziva had died on her way to kill someone... And his name started with an S and and A.

Somalia. She had mentioned it in her outburst only a second ago. Something terrible had happened to her in Africa.

Then the pieces started to fall into place.

Salim had done something horrible to Ziva in Somalia. She wasn't over it yet. Her friends had tried to protect her from taking about it.

They had tried to keep herself, Dr. Bernstein, from bringing it up. And she just not given up.

And somewhere in this fit Caf-Pow!

The therapist felt absolutely terrible. And horrified.

Terrible, because she hadn't taken the hints the team had dropped. Because she had continued to press Ziva for information when it was obvious that she really didn't feel comfortable talking.

Horrified, because whatever had happened to her, it must have been pretty darn terrible. Whatever happened to her, she was reliving it now, vividly.

As a psychologist, Dr. Bernstein knew that she probably relived it every night in her dreams. She had also seen this before. It was a full blown panic attack.

But never before had the doctor seen one of this magnitude.

How on earth did Ziva cope?

Gibbs PoV

He could hear Ziva yelling at the Therapist. He had thought nothing of it.

He was talking with Ducky, down the hall from where Tony and Ziva were, when he heard it.

"DUCKY, GIBBS, HELP!" Came the unmistakeable panicked voice of his senior field agent. Both Gibbs and Ducky sprinted towards their room. Nothing could have prepared them for what they saw.

Ziva was limp in Tony's arms, pale as death, soaked in Caf-Pow!. Although she was clearly unconscious, her face looked pained and far from peaceful. Tony was looking at her, his face panicked. He was stroking her hair. The therapist standing about five feet away, looking like she was in shock.

"Oh, my! What happened?" Ducky asked as he ran toward them. He checked Ziva's pulse, And found a slow, faint one, "Call an ambulance, Jethro, to be safe." Gibbs nodded, and pulled out his cell.

"She want ranting to Dr. Dumb here," Tony jerked his thumb toward the doctor who had finally regained the ability to move, "then the doctor's Caf-Pow! spilled all over her and she just froze and collapsed... She couldn't breathe, she seemed detached. She looked the same as she did when we found her, she... She called me Salim. She flinched away from me, was pleading with me. Then she just passed out." he finished.

"All of the symptoms of a panic attack, if you ask me.  
Most likely triggered by the Caf-Pow!. But why..."  
Ducky gave his opinion.

"It was his favorite drink, Duck. That's how we found his camp." Gibbs told him. Ducky nodded in understanding.

"OH. MY. GOD. WHAT HAPPENED!" Abby squealed She had heard the commotion and came to see what was going on, dragging McGee earlier. She ran forward and grabbed Ziva's shoulder. Then she noticed the Caf-Pow! spilt all over the place... And made the connection faster than anyone. She looked at the Caf-Pow! currently in her hand, then to the empty, spilled one on the floor. Then she looked back to Ziva's unconscious body, covered in the red substance.

And she knew.

She ran out to the hallway and disposed of the cup in her hand, feeling horrible that she hadn't thought of it sooner.

They could now hear the sirens of the ambulance wailing, coming to take their unconscious friend to Bethesda.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I am going to break rule #6: never say you're sorry.

Sorry it took me so long to update. I no it's a lousy, overused excuse, but I had writers block. I'd really only thought of what was gonna happen up until the ambulance carried her away. And I really felt no drive to write another chapter, but I didn't want to let anyone down, so here it is, finally!

Disclaimer: I am looking for Bernie's replacement, cuz I'm not quite ready to give up my dream of owning NCIS. So I am looking for another person whom I can pay to my dirty (and not necessarily legal) work. I may have found someone... So I don't own it... YET!

Jk, jk.

In the mind of ZIVA

There is nothing but black. It is surrounding me on all sides. I no longer know which way is up. The darkness is heavy, it is a struggle to breathe.

I just want it to end. I would give anything for a sliver of light.

And I remember the saying "be careful what you wish for" a moment too late. Just then there is light.

And it is worse.

I am tied to the chair, and he is there, breathing his foul breath in my face.

Caff-Pow.

Cigarette smoke.

His knife was glinting menacingly in his hand, and despite myself, I shivered. His sadistic smile grew as he brought the knife to my skin...

I screamed.

Tony PoV.

He was nothing short of freaked out.

Tony had just witnessed his partner's mental breakdown. He knew it shouldn't, but her screams scared him less than seeing and feeling her practically lifeless body limp and vulnerable in his arms.

He had been so reluctant to let the paramedic that smelled of cigarette smoke take her from him, even if it was for the best.

The paramedics had at least allowed him to ride with her to the hospital, and he had held her hand the entire way.

The ambulance stopped, and cigar-man wheeled her out and headed toward the doors. The paramedic was helping her get settled in a room when her slow even breaths started to escalate until she was nearly hyperventilating. Her eyes snapped open, but they were full of defiance and crazed desperation, which was only made more visible by the glint of sunlight off of her metal bedpost.

She screamed. The sound shattered Tony's already broken heart. She thrashed in her bed, and she should have been able to get up, there was nothing holding her down.

Except her imagination.

Her unseeing eyes were full of pain and hopelessness. She was utterly delirious.

Tony, trying to comfort her, ran to her side and took her hands in his. She whimpered and flinched away from his touch. Despite her obviously fragile mental state, he sat on the side of the bed and put his arm around her, pulling her close.

She continued to struggle, but was too weak and immersed in her horrible flashback to notice.

He ignored her struggles, and whispered in her ear in a soothing voice, "It's Tony, shhh you're okay, no one is going to hurt you. It's all just a memory. You are NOT in Africa. You are at Bethesda Naval Hospital. It's not real, what you are seeing. You are home, Zee-VAH, and no one can hurt you, the would have to get past me, first."

Once he said her name, dragging out the syllables playfully like he always does, he saw her breathing begin to even out and her crazed eyes start to regain some sanity.

She looked at him, finally seeing reality, with a relieved thank you in her eyes. Her arms wrapped around his torso and she clutched him to herself like he was her lifeline.

She buried her head in his chest and silently cried.

A/N: please tell me what you think, cuz I really don't know where this story is going from here!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: you will never believe how relieved I am, I FINISHED SCIENCE FAIR! It was like 0200 the day before it was due (actually, it was technically the DAY it was due lol) that I finished it. But I stay up til 3 every morning reading fanfiction anyway, so I didn't really lose any sleep. Only FF time

Disclaimer: Still on my mission, but until Wolfgang emails me back it is not mine. I found him in a newspaper, seems like just the kind of person I am looking 4.

Jk jk

Ziva PoV

His knife withdraws from her skin, and she can see his sadistic smile stretching from ear to ear.

She felt his hands on her, shaking her. She tries not to cry out, she really does.

One of his arms is around her back, the other her front, and he drags her closer to him. No doubt trying to get a better angle on her. His arms are around her torso, restraining her. The scent of Caf-Pow is overwhelming.

Then she feels his lips on her head, and she is certain she knows what he is going to do to her. His lips are moving, he is saying something. but she does not know these Arabic words. She looks in his eyes.

Since when were Salim's eyes green?

And, in the midst of his Arabic gibberish, she years a word she recognizes.

It is only her name.

But only one person in the world has ever said her name like that. His eyes were green.

And she remembered.

Slowly, gradually, her hearing returns. Then her sense of touch. She realizes that the arms that hold her ran not restraining, but comforting. There is no way she is in a hard wood chair. She is far too comfortable.

Then she can see again, and she realizes that she is not in a dimly lit cell with blood and dirt-covered walls, she is in a white washed room, on a white hospital bed. And Tony is staring into her eyes, his own full of worry and concern.

Ziva had never been more relieved. He was there, holding her.

Smelling like Caf-Pow?

No, she realized. It was she who smelled of Caf-Pow. And then she remembered. And was horrified. Had she fainted? Of course she had.

She had shown incredible weakness, and was thoroughly embarrassed.

Then all of the pain and terror and happiness and embarrassment caught up to her, and she cried into Tony's shirt, clutching him tightly.

And she had never felt so safe.

But the moment was ruined when the door opened, and she stiffened and was automatically on alert. Upon seeing that it was a doctor, she relaxed slightly. Tony never even looked up, he was zoned out, focusing only on the distressed woman in his arms.

"Hello, you must be Miss..." he looks at his clipboard, "Dah-VEED?" he asks. Ziva was slightly taken back. Most americans got it wrong. Seeing her confused expression, he explained, "I saw your necklace, and I assumed you are Israeli."

"You speak Hebrew?" she asked.

"_Ken_*" he said with a smile, and he approached her. She shrunk away from him, farther into Tony's warm and comforting embrace.

"_I_ _will not hurt you, Tateleh_," he assured her in Hebrew. At this, Ziva relaxed even more. Her mother had called her Tateleh.

The doctor smiled, not the kind like Salim's, but the kind like Tony's. Happy. Compassionate. Caring. She let him approach.

"My name is Dr. Leonard Vanderbilt. I am your primary care taker. Now, the EMTs that brought you in here did not have time to do anything for you before you began to awaken-"

"What are you going to do?" she asked, cutting right to the chase.

"Well, there is not much you can do for a panic attack. I plan to simply put you on oxygen. Panic attacks have mostly psychological effect, and therefore I can not do much for you. However, the more severe panic attacks can effect your heart. Your's caused you to nearly stop breathing and to pass out. All we can really do for you is keep you overnight for surveillance, and you should be out of here by morning." he explained.

"P-pa-panic attack? Severe?" she was dumbfounded. How could she have been so weak "Oh no. That is so embarrassing! It was only a little Caf-Pow!" she cried indignantly. But when she mentioned Caf-Pow out loud, all of the memories she had tried so hard to suppress came flooding back. She began to hyperventilate.

Before the doctor could react, Tony, who was finally pulled out of his stupor, wrapped his arm around her and made comforting little circles on her back with his thumb. The effect was instantaneous, she was calmed almost immediately.

At the mention of Caf-Pow!, and how Ziva reacted, Dr. Vanderbilt was able to put two and two together. Caf-Pow had been her trigger. It had stimulated old memories when it had spilt all over her. Upon realizing this, he decided that it was not good for her to be wearing drenched clothes, let alone clothes soaked through with the substance that had caused her to have to make a trip to the E.R.

"Miss David," he began after she had calmed down.

"Ziva." she corrected.

"Sorry, Ziva it is. Ziva, i have something for you to wear, you should not be wearing those clothes. There is a shower in the bathroom, you should wash up. Then put this on, and I will have a nurse replace the linens for you," he explained. Ziva liked this idea. She was very glad that he seemed to have caught on.

"Thank you, Doctor." she said with a nod. He smiled back at her and turned to leave.

"Oh and Doctor?" she said, getting his attention he turned around to face her again.

"Yes?"

"No oxygen. I do not need it, I am fine," she insisted. Dr. Vanderbilt just sighed.

"Alright," he caved. He could tell by her expression that she would not take no for an answer, so it was no use arguing. Ziva smiled a little more and entered the bathroom.

Tony PoV.

He had sort of been in his own little world. Just him and Ziva. No one else. His brain barely recognized it when the door opened and a middle aged man in a white lab coat came in. He only noticed it when Ziva stiffened. Then buried herself into him. Then relaxed. Then relaxed more. Only when she began to hyperventilate, was he jerked back to full awareness. The doctor told her to go get changed and washed, and so she did, which left Tony and Dr. Vanderbilt alone.

"So?" Tony asked.

"Severe panic attack. Textbook. Physically, she will be perfectly normal by morning. Mentally, I cannot be sure. She seems traumatized. She needs a therapist."  
The doctor informed Tony.

"No way. That's how this all started! Ziva spent months being tortured by terrorists who interrogated her for information regarding NCIS. She spent her entire summer desperately trying to NOT talk. Do you expect her to just open up to some therapist she doesn't know?" he argued.

"I agree wholeheartedly, Agent DiNozzo. But she does need to talk, she can not keep it all bottled up inside. Look what happens when she does!" he said, gesturing to the room.

"She needs her friends and family, doctor. Not some shrink."

"Unfortunately, the decision isn't mine to make. Leon Vance made it very clear that if she ever wants to be a part of Agent Gibbs' team again, she must attend daily therapy sessions for at least 2 weeks. No questions asked."

Tony was going kill Vance. But he knew a lost cause when he saw one. He sighed.

"As long as it isn't Dr. Bernstein." he stated flatly.

"Don't worry, it will not be. For Ziva at least. And yes, Agent DiNozzo, the rest of the team, including you, will still attend therapy with Dr. Bernstein." Tony groaned. But Doctor Vanderbilt continued as if he hadn't heard him.

"Oh, and speaking of Dr. Bernstein, she is in the waiting room along with the rest of your team. She wants to talk to Ziva." 

A/N: Any advice on what should happen with Dr. Bernstein and Ziva in the next chapter? I will take all the advice I can get! If there is something you wanna see happen, just ask and if I can incorporate it into the story line, I will include it!

Thank you soooooo much to everyone who reviewed

Zoyarose- thanks soo much for the suggestion!

Luzma- me gusta sus comentarios español gracias

Tswizzlefan13- I smiled so big when I read ur review lol. Sure, ur hired! (jk)

AliyahNCIS- your possibilities are intriguing… thanks so much! 

DS2010- thanks for reviewing, hope you enjoyed.

Direwolfy- Nope, not crule at all. OH, the doc WILL be back! *cue eerie music*

Special thanks to healingcat for all of her great advice, tips, and info!

Will update soon!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Have you guys heard about the disaster in Japan? Ah, who am I kidding, of course you have, it's all over the news. My mom works for a Japanese company, and some of her friends have family there… It's terrible. I think we all need to say a prayer, no matter what religion, for these people.

And the ones in Libya.

And Egypt.

And pretty much everywhere in the Middle East.

And the people in New Zealand.

I could go on and on.

How depressing is that?

Well on a happier note, I am a trendsetter! Almost all of the girls in my class are now writing stories… its like the 7th grade Renaissance!

Disclaimer: someone has offered to be Bernie's replacement. They shall remain anonymous. But until all of the paperwork is filed, NCIS is still owned by Don Bellisario:(

Just kidding, if I was in charge, it would be terrible:)

The waiting room was eerily quiet. The only sounds were Abby's sobs as she cried into McGee's shoulder. She felt so guilty. She drank Caf-Pow almost everyday! What if it had been her who spilt the Caf-Pow all over her best friend?

Abby would have never forgiven herself, and she doubted that Ziva would either.

Tim knew to tread lightly. He could only imagine how bad she was feeling. And seeing Ziva like that must have scared the crap out of her.

He knew it did that to him.

When They had returned from their little African safari, Ziva had been an empty shell of herself. No emotion, nothing. Nothing was there, Salim had taken it.

No. He had not taken it. He had merely hidden it.

And it was their job to find her. But she was slowly crumbling and it was only a matter of time before something like this had happened. They had only hoped that when it did, they would all be there to comfort her before the worst came. And thanks to Dr. Bernstein

But this therapist was not helping. They all have already solved their relationship problems on their own.

The therapist sitting across from him had done more harm than good. She didn't deserve to see Ziva ever again. But she would not give up, and they knew she had the right to see her patient. Sadly.

Gibbs was pacing back and forth. Ducky was mumbling quietly into the phone. Tony was still with Ziva.

They were all worried. They knew it had been a long time coming. She was bound to have cracked sometime, but none of them expected her to end up in the ER because of it.

IN ZIVA'S ROOM

Tony was incredibly mad at the therapist. Was she insane? Was she suicidal? Why would she want to see Ziva?

Could she get anymore naïve?

Nope. She couldn't.

"No. No, that's not going to happen. That stupid reason is the reason Ziva is here!" he growled at Dr. Vanderbilt.

"Unfortunately, Ziva is still her client, and entitles her to seeing Ziva. Not to mention the fact that she probably is feeling terribly guilty-"

"Good! She should!"

"Agent DiNozzo-"

"No. She's not going to talk to Ziva. End of story." Tony insisted. Dr. Vanderbilt sighed.

"Very well. But just to let you know, you have no power over this. I don't really think it is a very good idea either, but if she still insists on talking to Ziva, we have no choice but to let her. At least until she gives us a reason to NOT let her-" the doctor fell silent when he saw Ziva emerge from the bathroom, looking refreshed, but still a little haunted. She was wearing the hospital gown that the doctor had given her, and had a death glare that would have rivaled even Gibbs'.

"I can not believe you are making me wear this. Is being here NOT enough of a humiliation?" she complained.

"Sorry, Zi, standard hospital procedure." Tony said sypathetically. He had had this argument with doctors on more than one occasion. Ziva just huffed and sat down on her bed.

"What am I supposed to do now?" she asked, annoyed. She hated feeling useless, incapable. She had felt this way all summer. She couldn't feel this way now.

"Um, you could watch TV?" Dr. Vanderbilt suggested.

"I hate television. Its a waste of time," she griped, "Do you have any books?"

"In the gift shop we do," he replied.

"I'll go get you a book, Zee-VAH. I bet you they have Harry Potter. Now, me, I've never read them, but I've seen the movies, and I can't wait for the last movie to come out, because I am just dying to find out what happens,"

"The just read the book, To-NEE," she reasoned, mocking the way he said her name.

"You know I don't read, Zi. Well, I read GSM. But that's about it. Have you ever seen Harry Potter?" he asked.

"No, but I have read the books,"

"You haven't seen the movies? My god, Zi! Once you are out of here, we are going to my house for movie night, and watching The Sorcerers Stone. Daniel Radcliffe at his cutest." Ziva just rolled her eyes, "Whatever, I'm just gonna go find you a book. Are you sure you are okay by yourself?"

"I'll be fine, Tony," she assured him.

"On your way out, tell the rest of your team they can come see her now." Dr. Vanderbilt instructed. Tony nodded and left to go to the gift shop.

Gibbs PoV

They had only been waiting for about thirty minutes, but to him, it felt like a lifetime.

He was pacing back and forth, back and forth, but he hardly realized he was. He was lost in his thoughts.

Gibbs was ready to kill the therapist, as it was her fault that Ziva, HIS Ziva, was in the ER. HER fault that Ziva had almost stopped breathing. HER fault that Ziva had become somewhat mentally unstable.

He didn't think that he could stand another minute away from his daughter.

Daughter.

She wasn't his real daughter, but she might as well be. He loved her like one, and being away from her, not knowing her condition, reminded him just too much of last summer.

He needed to see her soon. If not, he would probably break through the doors leading to Ziva's room.

As if on cue, DiNozzo walked out. Abby jumped up immediately and began to bombard him with questions.

"Ohmygod, ? Pleasetellmeshesnotdead!"

"Why don't you ask her yourself, she's awake and wanting to see you." Tony told her. She squealed, grabbed McGee, and ran off towards Ziva's room. Gibbs was already halfway there. He didn't think he would've been able to last one more minute with this terrible uncertainty. Tony walked off towards the Gift shop.

When Gibbs arrived at her room, Ziva was waiting for them.

Conscious. Clean. Sane.

He breathed a sigh of relief and went to her side. He planted a soft kiss on her forehead and squeezed her hand.

"You had us so worried, Ziver." he whispered softly in her ear. She smiled.

Abby came in shortly after, McGee fighting to keep up.

But her reaction was not what they expected.

Instead of squealing again and giving Ziva one of her trademark, bone-crushing hugs, she cautiously approached her, shame and sadness in her eyes.

"Abby, what is wrong?" Ziva asked, worried.

"I'm so sorry, Ziva," she said in a small voice. Ziva could detect something different in her voice.

Guilt.

"You did nothing wrong, Abby," Ziva assured her.

"Ziva, I drink Caf-Pow! EVERY DAY! I feel terrible, what if I had accidentally spilt some? I'm so sorry I didn't think of it sooner…" she trailed off from her rambling.

And Ziva understood.

She realized that Abby had no Caf-Pow! with her. This was one of the few times that had ever happened. It seemed as if the Caf-Pow! was a part of her essence. This, having none, was symbolic.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. But, if it makes you feel any better, I forgive you," Ziva said kindly. Abby's face lit up, and she engulfed her friend in an Abby-Hug.

"Careful, that's yellow light situation," Ziva joked. Abby's smile widened.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime," Ziva replied, and turned to McGee, "How are you, McGee?" she asked.

"I think the question we should all be asking is how are _you_, Ziva?" he replied.

"I am well, thank you for asking," she nodded.

"So, what's the deal? How long are they planning on keeping you here?" he inquired.

"They say until tomorrow morning, for surveillance. I am fine, Gibbs, truly. I do not need this, but they insist-"

"They know what is best for you, trust me," said a voice from the doorway. They all looked over.

Dr. Bernstein.

And she was still wearing her Caf-Pow! soaked clothes.

They all heard Ziva's heart skip a beat, then take off twice as fast as normal.

This was not good.

Damn doctor.

A/N: this took me FOREVER to write! But thanks to some great advice, I was able to finish. Hallelujah.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this chapter. I probably would have never finished this chapter if not for you! Keep it up, every time I see I have a new review, I smile:)


	14. Chapter 14

Ziva PoV

She thought that when she had washed the remnants of that horrid liquid from her body ten minutes ago, that that would be the end of it.

She was wrong.

Again.

Where in the world did Dr. Bernstein get her degree? She is completely oblivious to the suffering of others!

Ziva could smell it the second it came into a 10 foot radius of her. It was as if she had developed a sixth sense.

But this was not a gift, it was a curse.

As soon as the stench reached her nose, her stomach did a 180. Of course, she was still sane, she still knew where she was and who was around her.

But she could feel his presence. He was there now, but she couldn't see him.

She couldn't always see him.

She was reminded of the times when they interrogated her with that sack over her head.

She couldn't figure out where he was. The pounding in her ears made it impossible to hear. All she could do was wait, and anticipate what was to come.

This was just like that.

But this time she was surrounded by the people she loved the most.

Except for Tony.

She knew he was out, running an errand for her. She knew he would never leave her side if she hadn't told him to.

Just like in Israel.

Ziva feels her heart speed up, her breathing become fast and labored. In a second, she can feel Gibbs' fatherly embrace.

'So this is what it feels like to be loved,' she mused, despite her panic. Feeling Gibbs' hug, she is reminded that she has six people who will always have her back, and will protect her at any cost. She knows she is safe.

But Salim is invisible, a force that no one could hear or see.

Except for her.

And she knows that no one can protect her from her own mind. No one, not even Gibbs.

She always wondered about the phrase "haunt you 'til your death.". Now she realizes she has a better understanding of that than she had ever hoped for.

And she also knows that this Ghost is always triggered by something.

The dark.

Small, enclosed, windowless rooms.

Feeling restrained.

Feeling helpless.

And her knew found phobia, Caf-Pow!.

Her subconscious knows that she is entitled to being afraid. But her training taught her that it is weak to be afraid.

The stupid therapist had forgot to change her clothes.

Who forgets that they are covered in a sticky, wet substance that just sent one of their patients to the ER?

Only her.

So when she starts to talk, Ziva doesn't hear it. She is too immersed in her panic to even realize she was talking.

"Please... leave..." she manages to utter.

"You heard her, Doctor. If that's who you even are. LEAVE!" Gibbs bellowed. He was nothing short of enraged.

"I just wanted to apologize-" she began, but was interrupted by more shouting, this time from behind her.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING HERE? CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED HER ALREADY?" It was Tony. He pushed past the doctor and took a look at Ziva. When he saw her state, panting heavily and a pained look on her face, he resumed his yelling.

"LOOK AT HER! LOOK AT THE STATE SHE IS IN! YOU ARE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES, YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO CHANGE? GO, JUST GO, BEFORE YOU HURT HER ANYMORE!" finally, he paused for a breath, and the therapist seemed to realize that having 3 armed federal agents and one goth forensic scientist with a spikey wristband pitted against you was not smart. And she turned to leave, still managing to look defiant. Finally she was gone, but they all knew this wasn't the last they would see of her.

Tony turned to face Ziva, and was shocked to realize she wasn't in shock anymore.

She was just staring at him, looking, her expression unreadable.

So he just looked back at her, grinning like an idiot.

"I brought you a book. 'The Death And Life Of Charlie St. Cloud.' I think it's a Ghost Whisperer love story or something-" he began, trying to lighten the mood his usual way: simply being Tony. But Ziva cut him off.

"Tony, you did not have to do that, I am-" she interrupted.

"Don't you dare say you are fine. You are not fine, Zi, you don't have to pretend with us." Tony's voice softened considerably, "You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to shut us out."

He went over to her and took her hand.

"Don't shut us out,"

TBC...

A/N: please please pleeeeeeeease review, they make me a VERY happy writer!

(and one that will write you a chapter 15)


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: WE NEED TO CELEBRATE! WE HAVE REACHED A HUNDRED REVIEWS! U guys r the best! well this chapter is just the end of last chapter from Ziva's detailed perspective. Yes I know it is very short, and I apologize, but it's 1 am and I'm very tired.

And I figured a short update was better than no update, right?

Disclaimer: screw my master plan. NCIS always has been and always will be NOT MINE:( I was in denial for a while there, sorry, but I've finally come to my senses.

The moment she heard his voice, she knew without a doubt that she was safe.

Her family was complete now, and they would protect her at any cost.

Once Ziva's brain registered that Tony was indeed there, the Ghost of Salim vanished. Tony was like her dream catcher.

Or, more appropriately, her demon catcher.

When she was in Africa, she had only been able to keep her silence, keep somewhat sane, because Salim could not touch her mind. They could tear the rest of her body apart, but as long as she lived, her brain was hers.

It was the only part of her they could never touch. Because it was _all_ hers.

And now? He is inside her head. It figures. When he was with her in flesh, he could infiltrate everything but her mind. Now he is gone in body, but this is when he is able to be inside of her head. She is no use to him now, but he will always be there, a constant reminder of her suffering.

Her mind, the last piece of her that had been untouched by Salim, had been invaded. The bastard had laid siege to it for three months.

And now she couldn't help but feel that it had fallen.

But Tony's voice reminded her to never give up. This Salim-Ghost was a creation of her imagination. Just like a dream, she could cast away this demon.

With his help.

Soon, she would be able to do it all on her own. But for now, she needed help from her family.

Dr. Bernstein had left, taking the stench with her. Of course it still lingered, but she need not fear, for she was not helpless. Ziva David would not become a victim of her own mind. She could deal with this. .

With their help.

And for once, she saw this not as a weakness, but as a sign of trust on her part.

But she could not admit that. She had a reputation to uphold.

She looked at Tony as he approached, a triumphant smile on his face. And, because he was Tony, he began to ramble.

"I brought you a book. 'The Death and Life Of Charlie St. Cloud.' I think it's a Ghost Whisperer love story or something-" he began. But she cut him off.

"Tony, you did not have to do that, I am-" she started to lie in a brave voice.

"Don't you dare say you are fine. You are not fine, Zi, you don't have to pretend with us." she then his voice became sincere and compassionate, "You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to shut us out" she felt him reach over and take her hand, "Don't shut us out,"

And she knew she was truly tired of pretending.

TBC...

A/N: again, sorry for lack of new material, I wasn't feeling particularly creative. I'm dead today, went to bed at two like normal last night but we had science fair and i sat in the same windowless room for 6 freaking hours, only being judged for about 30 minutes of that time. And ya, I didn't have breakfast (well I had gum, does that count?) and lunch today at school was crap, so I didn't eat that much all day and I was starving, but every time I thought of actually eating food, I felt nauseas. So maybe I'm gettin sick, everybody else is:( well I guess if I'm sick, that's better 4 u cuz I have nothin better to do than to write FF!

Right. Rambling.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! I was so happy, I had like 13 reviews within the first 5 hours for chapter 14! U guys make me soooo happy:D

AND IF YOU LEAVE A REVIEW, COULD YOU **PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE** TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK SHOULD HAPPEN NEXT? CUZ I HAVE MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK. AND IF I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK, YOU DON'T GET ANY MORE CHAPTER 4 A WHILE. SO THINK OF THIS AS KILLING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE, GETTING ME TO KEEP WRITING WHILE ALSO HAVING UR OWN SAY IN WHAT WILL HAPPEN. I CANT GARUNTEE THAT EVERY ONE WILL HAVE THEIR IDEAS PUT INTO THE STORY, BUT IM JUST LOOKING FOR SUGGESTIONS:) THANK YOU SO MUCH! 


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: this is probably the shortest chapter of all chapters, sorry. I no I said that last time, but I cant help it I just liked how this ended so I figured id make it a chap:)

Disclaimer: I think u get it.

They released her early the next morning.

Ziva wasn't exactly sure where to go. Being alone right now... She was almost sure it would bring the demons back.

And she couldn't have that.

She was thinking maybe she would have Tony over. He seemed to be able to calm her nerves. But what if he didn't want to? What if he no longer liked her. What if he saw her as weak for her breakdown?

Luckily, thanks to Gibbs, Ziva would not be put in that position tonight.

"What do you say we all come over to my house for steak. Ziva must be tired of all this hospital food," he suggested, sensing Ziva's worry.

He heard her little sigh of relief.

"I would love that, Gibbs." she smiled.

"That certainly sounds like a good idea, Jethro." Ducky agreed.

"Oo Oo oooo! That sounds AWESOME! Oo we are going to have soo much fun. It'll be like my family reunion of '98. Except, Uncle Mo won't barf up an entire pie all over my new platforms... Which, is a good thing, though! Not that I don't love Uncle Mo. He's amazing and he got Cousin Earl to stop picking on me when we were at the pool when I was 5-" Abby rambled.

"I like it. Sounds like fun, Boss," Tony said with a quick glance at Ziva. Although, he was hoping to be alone with her tonight. Ask her the questions that he felt obliged to ask.

"Aright. 01800, my house," Gibbs said, as he got in his car.

Ziva smiled a little. Normally, she would want to be alone, but the loving support of her family was like a magnetic force, drawing her in. It was hard to resist.

She would give in just this once. Let them help her, for she knew she needed help. Ziva had had panic attacks before, but they were always when she was alone at night and never to this magnitude. As much as she she would love to deny it, she needed, she _wanted_, their help.

Ziva was sort of zoned out, and she was not watching where she was going. Her foot caught on the leg of a table in the waiting room, but Tony caught her.

Embarrassed, she waited for him to ask the question they always ask, although it is not necessary.

But he does not ask if she is ok. He always knows how she is feeling, and so he only gives her an encouraging smile

She smiles back.

And he does not let go of her hand, the entire way out.

He was not intending to ever let go.

A/N: again, sorry bout shortness. But at least it was tiva hinting! I'm writing this other story called HOPE for my friends cuz they dont really understand this one (cuz they dont watch ncis) and its been taking up a lot if of time. I wish I could post it on FanFiction but its not FanFiction!

Reviews would be nice:) and thax so much to everyone who reviewed. They just keep getting better and better!

-Ally


	17. Chapter 17

Ziva showed up at Gibbs' door at 1750.

"Ziver! You're early," Gibbs greeted her when he opened the door.

"I was not counting on the light traffic, especially at this time of day," she replied, "May I come in?"

"Of course," he answered and gave her a little kiss to the temple as she went in, "But with your driving I doubt it would make a difference," he chuckled. She punched his arm lightly.

"I drive the same as you!"

"Exactly." Gibbs stated as they rounded the corner.

"SURPRISE!" came a loud chorus of cheers. Ziva jumped.

The lights flicked on and the rest of the team, including Palmer, jumped out from their hiding places.

"What is this? It is not my birthday...?" she asked, puzzled.

"Noooooooooooo, but we wanted to throw you a party, silly," Abby said as she grabbed Ziva's arm and wrapped her in yet another hug.

A gentle hug. That was so unlike Abby.

"What is this all about?" Ziva was still puzzled.

"It's sort of a 'we love you' and 'get well soon' and 'we missed you' party. We never got to celebrate when you came back, and so now we are making up for it!" Tony explained, "We were gonna hire a stripper, but McRain-On-My-Parade here thought it was innapropriate." he rolled his eyes and elbowed McGee in the ribs.

"Well, thank you, McGee," Ziva nodded her thanks and smiled at him.

But it was one of those ghost smiles. The ones that never reached her eyes. The once-cheerful chocolate eyes now were empty.

As they had been for since her return.

It was their job to fill them back up until they were overflowing with Joy and excitement.

For that is what friends do.

Correction: that is what family does.

A/N: so the chapter was short again, my apologies. But i will be in florida without wifi until the 30th so I won't be able to update. I just needed to tell you all that and I was just gonna post an authors note but I felt that would be cruel.

So be grateful you got a chapter:D

And also, the story I was talking about that is a non-FanFiction story, I posted it on my profile so if you wanna read that, feel free (thanks to lightningtrance256 for that idea) It's sort of dark and it starts out sort of like Ziva in Somalia, but it's not. It's still being worked on so I only have to chapter 11 but im doing my best!

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Have an awesome spring break everybody!

-Ally


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Oh yes, there will be Tiva! Just not the romantic kind sorry:D

For once in her life, nothing went wrong.

It was just as it always was with her team.

They joked, they laughed, they told stories, shared memories, and had a little too much beer. She had missed this. Acting normal was probably the best thing they could do to help her return to her old self.

But she would never be the same. She will come out of this different, changed.

Sometimes change is good.

"I say we play strip poker!" suggested a drunken Tony.

"Tony drunk and playing strip poker? This I must see," Ziva said with a grin on her face. This earned her a lot of weird looks.

"Realllllly? Zee-VAAAAH wants to see me naked? You could have just aaaaasked!" Tony slurred.

"NO! I meant that it would be funny watching Tony play poker drunk. What does this have do with being naked?" she asked, confused.

"It's called strip poker, Ziva! When you lose you have to remove an article of clothing!" Abby said, excited.

"America is the strangest country. Oh, well, I bet Tony would just lose so he can take his clothes off," Ziva laughed.

And so they played until Abby had lost her bracelets, Ziva had lost her shirt (she had an undershirt), McGee his socks, Ducky his bowtie, Palmer his shirt, and Gibbs, thanks to his famous gut, was still fully clothed.

Tony was in his boxers.

Ziva had never laughed so much in her life. They truly felt like a family.

Not that she would even know what that felt like, but she could speculate.

Only when the cake had been eaten, the beer drank, and the clock struck ten, did they decide to go home.

And they were faced with a dilemma. Tony was too drunk to drive. So Ziva, the good Samaritan that she was, offered to drive him home.

"Thank you all so much for this," she said as she got her shoes on. She gave them all hugs (to their surprise) and grabbed Tony's arm and dragged him to her car, strapping him in the seat like a small child.

As she drove, she thought.

Why had she hugged them? Normally she shied away from physical contact, and especially now she would be expecting to want to avoid it.

And this was not the case at all. She wanted to be kissed by her father, hugged by her grandfather, do whatever it is you do with cousins, held by her sister and her brother, and... What was Tony? He was more than a brother.

'Stop!' she commanded herself, 'Now is not the time to be feeling this!'

Before she knew it, she had arrived at Tony's apartment. It was actually cleaner than she had expected, but he wasn't home all that much anyway. She pushed him through the doorframe and all of a sudden he took off towards the bathroom.

"Tony! What are you-" she was cut off by the sound of someone being sick.

Once it passed, Tony walked out of the bathroom.

"Sorry," he apologized and stumbled to his bed.

"Tony are you ok?"

"Just not feeling so hot," he said and looked up at her.

"Maybe I should stay the night...?" she suggested.

"Would you?" he asked, his eyes pleading.

"Of course. I will sleep on the couch."

"Aw, Zi, you don't have to do that. You can just sleep in the bed I got the couch."

"Tony, I will kill you with your toothbrush if you keep insisting that I sleep in your bed." she stated blatantly. He sighed.

"Fine. But you know, we are both adults. We can sleep in the same bed. We did in Paris!"

"Yes, but you were sober then, Tony. I think you may have trouble keeping it in your pants tonight."

Tony grinned and laid back on the bed.

"There's some blankets and a pillow in the cabinet." he told her.

"Alright. Sleep tight, holler if you need anything," she said and left the room, shutting of the lights.

Little did she know that he would not be the one in need tonight.

A/N: turns out I had wifi in florida, HOORAY! and also, I posted chapter 12 of HOPE on my profile! After all, what else is there to do on plane rides?

Next chapter is probably gonna be a little cliché!

But in the good way:)

Please review!


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: this is really cliché, but who cares?

In Ziva's dream

I am back there again, back in the place I never wanted to be. Back tied to a chair. Back in the Sahara.

Back in Somalia.

Salim is leaning over me. I have no control over anything anymore. I try to escape, but I can't. I hear laughter, and suddenly there are men, laughing men, coming at me from all angles.

I can not escape them.

And the scary thing is that I can see in their eyes what they intend to do to me. All of them. They all have that terrible... Sadistic desire in their eyes.

Then suddenly, their faces change. They are no longer nameless terrorists. I know them.

McGee. Vance. Ari. Eli. Michael. Ducky. Tony. Hadar. Malachi. Daniel Cryer. Roy. Ray. Tony DiNozzo Sr., Michael Locke, even Palmer.

Their faces changed, but the terrible way they looked at me did not.

The strangers were one thing. This was undoubtedly worse.

And the worst part was that Salim had changed as well.

It was Gibbs.

They approached like an army. When they reached me, Gibbs grabbed me and pulled me into the sea of men.

I heard Tony's voice in my ear.

I screamed.

Meanwhile...

Tony was sleeping soundly, probably due to how drunk he was when he had crashed.

He woke up to the sound of heavy breathing from the other room.

The breathing suddenly escalated. Now there was whimpering. He decided to go check on her.

Before he even made it to the couch in the living room, her distressed breathing became worse. She was struggling against invisible bonds, thrashing about. He quickly ran over to her.

He tried to wake her, but she wouldn't stop struggling and crying.

Finally, he was able to get close enough to her to grab her wrists and pin them above her head so he couldn't hurt him or herself before she woke up.

She only struggled harder.

"Shh, Zi, its ok! You are home." he whispered in her ear.

She screamed.

"ZIVA!" he said, shaking her.

Her eyes opened, but the struggling did not cease.

"Tony, please, do not do this! I thought you cared about me! How could you do this? Please! Do not! Nooo-" she screamed.

"Shh, Zee-VAH, I'm not gonna hurt you," he reassured her as he sank into the couch and wrapped his arms around her torso.

She looked at him then looked around, and her brow furrowed in confusion. Then she seemed to realize where she was, but instead of relaxing into him, she jumped up and ran to Tony's room, locking the door behind her. She curled up in the corner with her legs to her chest, clutching her gun tightly.

"Zi? Hey, C'mon out I'm not going to hurt you! It was only a nightmare, Zi, please come out! You didn't react like this when I woke you up at the hospital!" she heard his voice from outside the door.

And she finally came to her senses.

Tony would not hurt her. He was trying to help her and she had reacted by screaming and running away from him like a scared child.

How could he forgive her? How could he even like her? She was weak, she was damaged, she was scarred both physically and emotionally.

How could anyone ever love her?

She had to leave.

She took off as fast as she could and shut his front door behind her.

She ran.

She ran, because it was one of the only things that ever made her feel truly free.

But the other was Tony, and he would never want her again.

A/N: don't worry bout Tiva, I am a fan of happy endings:)

Reviews are loved and so are the people who writes them!


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: suicide is not good.

CHAPTER 20 WOOO HOOO WE ARE IN THE TWENTIES! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING THIS! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!

She didn't know where she was running to.

And she really didn't care.

She just needed to get away. Away from reality. Because how could anyone ever like her, let alone love her?

She allowed this to happen, it was all her fault. She should have fought harder, she shouldn't have given in to him.

She shouldn't have even been captured in the first place. Now she knew why her father had sent Malachi to America.

To lock her up where she could no longer embarrass him.

Ziva David was a failure.

And suddenly, she couldn't carry on anymore.

Running NOR living.

She had her gun. She could do it now, right here. She COULD, but she SHOULDN'T. What about Tony? Gibbs? Abby? McGee? Ducky? Hell, even Palmer!

She shouldn't just take her own life without explanation. But maybe she couldn't. Maybe she was just that weak.

So weak.

Ziva collapsed.

She had been running through the park, and she was right next to a big oak tree. It started to rain, and she tried to drag herself under it, but her arms gave way under her.

So weak.

Was she crying? She couldn't tell. Rain was pouring from the sky onto her face, mixing with the salt water that may or may not be running down her face.

She clutched her gun to her chest and curled up into the fetal position, wishing for death to take her.

Tony PoV

He was so confused.

He had tried to help her, and she reacted by running away as fast as she could. Was he really that bad?

All Tony knew was that he had to go after Ziva, before she did something she would regret.

He didn't even bother grabbing his shoes or coat. Wearing only his shorts and shirt, he stepped out into the cool night.

He could still see her in the distance as he sprinted after her. Of course, it began to rain. As if this night wasn't bad enough already. This was just his luck.

They were running through the park now, and Tony was starting to lose sight of her. Soon, she was entirely out of his sight. Panicking, he began to speed up.

He almost didn't notice the body lying crumpled off to the right of the path.

Tony dashed over to her. She was curled up, clutching her gun tightly as though it was her lifeline.

She looked unconscious.

He bent over to pick her up, and she screamed.

"Zi-"

"Th- This is all m-my f-f-fault. Kill me! I don't de-deserve to l-live! No one w-will ever love m-me a-again! I am broken, v-violated, d-damaged! Please, spare me y-your pity! J-just kill me! I am worthless! There is no reason left for me to live!" she sobbed.

"Zi, I was just going to say we should find some shelter." he said. He was shocked by her little speech.

He knew that she had PTSD, and he knew that depression was one of the symptoms, but he would never have guessed Ziva was suicidal.

He was going to have to keep a better watch over her.

He lifted her into his arms, and, despite to the pain in his back, carried her all the way back to his apartment.

She was soaking wet, but right now all she needed was to sleep. He laid her down on the bed, gently removing her wet clothes and replacing them with some of his pajamas. She didn't even react to being completely exposed in front of him. Her eyes were open, but they were empty and hollow. She seemed resigned.

He knew she was in shock.

He laid next to her in the bed, but still being sure to give her her space. She was shivering, despite the layers of bedding on top of her. Thirty minutes passed, and Ziva hadn't moved, her eyes still were open and staring at the ceiling.

"Tony," she whispered, so low he wasn't even sure he heard it.

"Yes?" he asked, turning on to his side to face her.

"I can't sleep,"

"C'mere," he said, and he wrapped his arms around her. She didn't stir.

"Why can't I even shut my eyes? Why is my brain still on green-alert?" she whispered.

"It's red-alert, Ziva. And you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, hyper vigilance is one of the many symptoms."

She managed to twist her head to give him a weird look.

"I, um, had Ducky fill me in while you were in the hospital."

"What is hyper vigilance?"

"It's when you are constantly awake, or unable to fall asleep, or jumpy and, well, on red-alert."

"I am sorry, Tony," she apologized.

"Don't be. But..."

"But what?"

"Were you really considering suicide?"

The look he received told him all he needed to know.

"No one will ever want me, Tony. I am scarred, broken, violated, weak... How can you even look at me? This is all my fault! I should have fought harder! I should have-"

"Zi, quit blaming yourself. This isn't your fault. It's the bastards who did this to you's fault."

"But-"

"But nothing. We all love you. We will love you no matter what, okay?"

"I believe you it's just..."

"Just what?"

"Is it really RED alert?" she asked, turning to face him. He laughed and pulled her closer, and this time, she responded, burying her face into his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.

And she fell asleep.

For Tony kept the demons at bay.

A/N: I know you guys wanted a long chapter, and I tried to make this long. I'm not even sure how long it _is_. Please please pleeeease review! I love reviews so much!

Since i'm "down south" I gotta say this:

Love ya'll,

Alli


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: this chapter isn't as long as the last, but it took me just as long, if not longer. Haha but it was worth it!

It was four a.m. when she woke again.

Apparently, not even Tony could keep the nightmares away.

She truly thought she would be ok. But she wasn't. She had also thought that she could handle the PTSD. Look where that got her.

The nightmares were nothing new, they had started about a week after she returned, when she had finally recovered from her shock. They ended maybe a month later, when she had buried her feelings so deep she thought they would never resurface.

But they did, when the doctor had spilled Caf-Pow! all over her. She knew it wasn't the doctor's fault. But Dr. Bernstein was just too curious for her own good, and can't seem to take a hint.

Once she finally fell asleep, around two thirty, she had slept peacefully at first. Then the nightmares began to return, and she woke up sweating and breathing heavily. No screaming that she could recall, so that was good. The nightmare wasn't as bad as the one earlier that night, but it still managed to wake Tony.

"You need anything?" he asked when he sat up and leaned against the headboard. Ziva was relieved that he didn't ask her if she was okay. He knew she was not, so he did not ask.

And for that she was grateful.

"No, I... I think I just need to take a few deep breaths." she reassured him. And for once, she wasn't down-playing how bad it was. She was being completely open and honest, with all of her walls down. She inhaled and exhaled slowly and deeply, leaning into his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. He traced little circles on her back to calm her, and it worked. She felt so safe, and she felt as though she could take on the world.

Had she really been considering killing herself not even two hours ago?

This was how she fell asleep, leaning against his chest and taking slow, deep breaths.

And the nightmares really did stay away this time.

They woke to birds chirping, and the sun was high in the sky.

Wait.

How long had they slept? Tony checked his watch as Ziva sat up and stretched, yawning.

Crap! 0900.

Gibbs was going to murder them both.

"Oh, crap, Zee-VAH! It's 0900! We are two hours late for work, Boss really is gonna kill us this time!" he said, as he jumped up and threw on a shirt.

"0900? How is that possible? I have never slept longer than 0800!" she said, checking her phone for confirmation.

"Well, Zi, we had a... Long night." he said as he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb his unruly hair.

"Still..."

"I think you are entitled to sleep, Zee-VAH. It's a miracle you were able to sleep at all, actually."

"You being there helped," she admitted as she grabbed her clothes and went into the other room to change.

"Really?" he asked, smiling his trademark smile, "Zi, you can change in here. It's not like I haven't seen you naked before. You didn't seem to mind risking it last night at Gibbs' house..."

"Yes, well, I have never lost a game of poker in my life. That was, until I went up against Gibbs and his gut." she replied as she disappeared into the other room.

"But what about last night?"

"How do you think you got into my clothes?" Tony asked.

"I... You changed me? How did I not notice? You would think that, of all the things to cause a flashback, that would definitely be one of them..."

"I think you were in shock, Zi,"

"I have been in shock before, Tony. When I go into shock, I can still tell what you are doing, I can still feel everything. Perhaps..."

"Perhaps?"

"Perhaps I didn't mind because of how gentle you are. The more I think about it, the more I remember... You were being so gentle, I knew there was no way you were... Him."

Tony was at a loss for words, mainly because he could only think of one reason Salim would have been undressing her.

"I am so sorry," he said softly as She returned to the room to grab her phone and her weapon.

"Tony, you have nothing to be sorry for. You found me, you saved me, and you have been nothing but wonderful to me, even after I accused you of mur- Tony where is my Sig?" she asked after she had looked everywhere in the room for it. Tony emerged from the bathroom, toothbrush in hand.

"I... Uh... I hid it when we got back last night."

"Why?"

"Zi... You were considering killing yourself!" he defended his case indignantly. Ziva sighed, because she knew he was right to have hidden it.

"Where is it, Tony?"

"Promise you won't shoot yourself?"

"Of course, Tony. But we need to hurry up or Gibbs will kill us, and it won't matter!" she joked, rolling her eyes. Tony laughed and motioned for her to follow him. He walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. He reached into one of the drawers of the coffee table and pulled out a safe. He punched in the code and retrieved two guns and two badges, handing one of each to Ziva.

"There. You happy?" he asked as grabbed the car keys and headed to leave the apartment.

"Very," she replied, a playful, mischievous look in her eyes and a teasing grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. Tony just rolled his eyes and Ziva followed him out of the apartment, locking up behind them.

They went to the car, and headed towards NCIS, to face their no doubt irate boss.

A/N: so do you remember when I said I wrote another story, an original one? Well I posted it on I have the same pen name on that site- ForeignMusicLyrics. So if you wanna go check it out, thats where it is! Thank you guys, you are awesome! Please review, they make my fingers go faster! And special thanks to everybody who have been with this story since the beginning!

Alli


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Iwas feeling particularly generous, so I decided to give you all a long chapter! Its 1,840 characters, woo hoo! I'm not sure how good it is though, but a chapter is a chapter! Also, I can't remember who already knew what in the story, like if Tony already knew that the rest of the team was going to still have Dr. Bernstein, so forgive me if not everything checks out. :D

"Where have you two been?" Gibbs asked Tony and Ziva when they exited the elevator. He was planning on simply telling them off for being two hours late, for Ziva had just been released from the hospital yesterday. He was planning on going easy on them, until he saw them.

Her hair was a tangled mess, and she was in the same clothes she had gotten out of the hospital in, which were now stained with mud. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and had dark circles forming under them. She seemed to be unable to focus on anything.

His eyes also had black circles under them, his hair was sticking up in odd places, and he was definitely hung over. He was holding her hand.

In short, they were a mess.

"Sorry, we, erm... Slept in," Tony said with a glance at Ziva.

"DiNozzo," he said and motioned for him to follow him to the back elevator.

"You'll be ok?" Tony whispered in Ziva's ear.

"I will be fine, Tony, I can take care of myself," she assured him. He nodded.

"On your six boss," he said. He gave Ziva's hand a squeeze and jogged after Gibbs. He managed to get in the elevator before the doors shut. Gibbs hit the emergency stop.

"What the hell happened to you guys last night, DiNozzo? Ziva looks like she took a mud bath, you both look like you've seen a ghost, and you both look like you got no sleep! How the hell could you have slept in if you didn't even go to sleep? Explain!" Gibbs shouted.

"Boss, I don't think she would want me to tell-" Tony began.

"Tony, I'm not speaking to you as your boss, I am speaking to you as family. Ziva is like a daughter to me and you are like a son, and I want to know what is happening and what is wrong!"

"Ziva's gonna murder me..."

"She's already on desk duty 'til her new shrink clears her for field work. I just want to know what happened last night because it is obvious it is affecting you both." Gibbs assured him. Tony took a deep breath.

"Returning home is a little foggy, since I was drunk, but I remember her walking me to my apartment, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. She asked if I wanted her to stay, and I said yes. I really wanted to talk to her, and I figured we could talk when I was sober again in the morning. So she went to sleep on my couch. Then, around 0200, I woke up to Ziva's panting in the other room. Her breathing escalated, I ran to the living room, and she began to struggle against nothing. I tried to hold her, and I whispered in her ear that it was just me and... She screamed, Gibbs. It wasn't just a little scream, it was one of those screams that you hear in horror movies, when the poor helpless girl turns around and finds shes trapped in a room with an axe murderer... But Gibbs, her scream was still worse! I yelled her name, and she opened her eyes, but she didn't stop struggling."

"Did she know it was you?" Gibbs asked, brow furrowed.

"Yes, she knew it was me, she was begging ME to stop. I think... I think I hurt her in her nightmare, boss. Then, once she seemed to realize where she was, she jumped up and ran to the bedroom. She locked the door, and I tried to get in, but she wouldn't let me. Then she busted the door open, and ran outside. I followed her. She made it to the park before it started raining, and she just collapsed on the side of the path. She was clutching her gun, sobbing, curled up in the mud. Then..." Tony trailed off.

"Then...?" Gibbs prompted.

"Then she begged me to kill her because she was too weak to do it herself." Tony finished, his eyes filling up with the tears he refused to let fall.

"She wanted to die?" Gibbs blinked, he refused to believe it.

"She begged me to kill her, she said she was worthless and damaged, and she thought no one would ever love her. I carried her home and I changed her into some clean clothes. She was practically catatonic, boss. She didn't even react. I laid her down in my bed and I laid down on the other side, and after a half an hour she told me she couldn't sleep, and I had to explain what hyper-vigilance is. Then she started blaming herself and saying how she was broken and no one would ever want her, and then I had to explain that we all love her. She held me tighter and finally was able to sleep after that," he explained.

"Tony-"

"I'm not done. She woke up at 0400 again, she had another nightmare. But this time there was no screaming, and she was able to recover, and, well, we both slept until 0900. I know how you feel about apologies, so... It won't happen again, boss," Tony finished.

"DiNozzo I'm not mad at you. You both obviously need sleep, so I am sending you down to Abby's lab to get some sleep," Gibbs explained.

"Both of us?"

"Yeah, DiNozzo, both of you! From what I can tell, you both got about four hours of sleep last night, and she was just released from the hospital. It is obvious that the only way she can sleep is in your arms, so you are going to do whatever it takes to help her get some sleep! You come back up at 1600, I will postpone Ziva's appointment with her new therapist. You got that, DiNozzo?" he elaborated.

"Yes, Boss, thank you," Tony replied. Gibbs nodded and hit the emergency stop. The doors opened. "Wait, Ziva's appointment with the shrink was today? Boss, I don't know if she-"

"I don't know if she's ready to talk about this either DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed, "This wasn't my decision," he glanced upward to the ceiling. Tony grit his teeth. Stupid director.

"Actually, I think Ziva is ready to talk about it, but she needs someone close to her, not some stranger that's going to try to get inside of her head! She needs US, now, she needs her family!" Tony said.

"I agree, but as I said, out of my control. Now, you bring her back up in time for her session at 1600. I will try to postpone ours 'til then as well." Gibbs informed him.

"Wait, OUR therapy is today too?" Tony was annoyed.

"Sadly, yes, and Vance didn't have enough sense to find us a new therapist. So we are stuck with Dr. Bernstein for the rest of our group therapy." Gibbs explained. They had just arrived in the squadroom. "Our group therapy is going to be at the same time as Ziva's individual sessions." Gibbs continued. Ziva heard him.

"Individual? Gibbs, I do not need a therapist, I am-" Ziva began to object.

"Fine? Tony explained to me what happened last night, Ziver, you are most definitely NOT fine." Gibbs interjected. Ziva gave Tony a death glare, "Don't kill him, Ziver, I forced it out of him,"

Ziva decided it was better to let the subject drop.

"What now, Gibbs?"

"You and Tony are going to go down to Abby's lab and get some sleep. Then you are going to come back up here at 1600 to attend your session with the therapist." Gibbs instructed. Ziva couldn't deny that sleep sounded good, but...

"My therapy is today?" she was shocked. She thought that Vance would have given her a LITTLE time to recover! It had only been a two days, and despite popular belief, she was not superman. Look at how it turned out with her last therapist. She and shrinks did not have such a good track record.

"Thanks to the Toothpick. The rest of our group therapy is as well. And guess what else? We still have Dr. Bernstein!" Tony griped.

"Well, Tony, you guys can make her life miserable for me!" she said cheerily as she stood up to go down to Abby's lab.

"Good idea, Zee-VAH!" Tony's face brightened considerably at the thought of getting even with the therapist who had put his ninja in the hospital.

"I was kidding, To-NEE..." she rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, it's still a good idea!" he said as they walked to the elevator to go to Abby's lab.

The elevator ride was mostly silent.

Tony was contemplating what they could do to the therapist, and Ziva was conjuring up lies she could tell her new one so she could get off of desk duty. She really hated it, and she wanted to be back in the field as soon as possible.

The doors opened to Abby's lab, and their ears were instantly assaulted by her loud music. When the entered, they did not expect to see her scrubbing every visible surface with bleach. Ziva wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Abby, what are you doing?" she yelled over the music.

"Cleaning." Abby replied.

"Um, why?" Tony asked as he crossed the room to turn off the music. He almost slipped on the wet floor.

"Well, I figured this place must reek of Caf-Pow!, and I didn't want Ziva to never be able to come down here!" she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Abby, I really appreciate it, but I can handle it if it is in a closed cup. My little... Episodes happened when it was exposed and open... I never reacted to your Caf-Pow! before. I think I will be fine."

"So I don't have to give up Caf-Pow?" Abby asked, practically bouncing.

"No, but-" Ziva began.

"Yay! Thank you so much, Ziva!" she screamed, and wrapped her in a normal, bone crushing Abby-Hug.

"Abby, Ziva and I didn't get much sleep last night, and Gibbs wants us to sleep down here. Can you wake us up at 1545?" Tony asked.

"Of course! There is an air mattress and pillows in the ballistics lab. Now, what were you and Ziva doing all last night," Abby asked with raised eyebrows.

"That is for us to know, and for you to never find out." Tony replied playfully and grabbed Ziva's hand, pulling her to the ballistics lab.

"Go ahead Tony, I will be right there," Ziva said. Tony nodded and went to go blow up the air mattress.

"Abby?" Ziva asked when Tony had disappeared.

"Yeah?"

"Were you really going to give up Caf-Pow! for me?" Ziva asked.

"You do what you have to do for family, Ziva," she replied with a soft smile.

And, thinking back on the last few days, Ziva realized something.

They did not think she was worthless. They did not think she was broken. They did not think she was damaged.

They still loved her.

A/N: Please please pleeeease review! I want to know what you thought of this chapter!:) Also, I was thinking about this the other day, its funny how the title doesn't really apply to the story anymore:D But I'm not going to change it, it would confuse too many people, one of them being me:)

Love you,

Alli


	23. Chapter 23

She was feeling quite happy.

Tony wasn't sure what was up when she walked into the ballistics lab with a gigantic smile plastered on her face, but he wasn't going to push it.

"Need help?" she asked him. He was pumping air into the mattress.

"Nah, I'm done." he replied, standing up. He grabbed two of the pillows and threw them onto the bed, collapsing. She followed suit.

Tony fell asleep almost immediately. For Ziva it took a while. For the first fifteen minutes she refused to close her eyes. She did not want to have a nightmare now, not here. But eventually her fatigue took over, and she drifted off to sleep.

The nightmares stayed away. She did not know why, but they did. Perhaps it was because she was surrounded by the people she cared about the most. Abby was in the room next door, McGee and Gibbs were upstairs, Ducky and Palmer were down in autopsy. And she was in Tony's arms.

Here she felt safe, secure, and unafraid. Because they would protect her from physical dangers and stand by her and help her through the mental ones.

Abby PoV

It was three o' clock, and Tony and Ziva still hadn't woken up. Just to be sure they were ok, Abby peeked around the corner and smiled.

Ziva's face was buried in Tony's chest, their arms encircling each other's waist. They were so cute together.

Abby was really happy. Ziva was on her way to recovery. She had a meeting with a good therapist at four. Also, Abby was going to have the chance to make Dr. Bernstein's life miserable for what she did to Ziva. She wasn't really mad about the original Caf-Pow! incident: the doctor had no way of knowing. Heck, Abby had been drinking Caf-Pow! since Ziva's return, and she hadn't even thought about it. Even though she KNEW that Salim had drunk Caf-Pow!. Abby was even the one to have figured it out.

No, Abby was mad because the stupid doctor had come BACK. She had returned without changing her clothes. She was so unobservant.

Where the heck did that woman get her license?

Oh well, it did not matter. What's done is done. Now it was their job to send the stupid therapist on a major guilt trip.

Shouldn't be too hard.

She picked up the phone to dial McGee. They had some planning to do.

1545, Saturday

They were woken by Abby's music.

Abby, who had been listening to music using her earphones, had turned the death metal music up really loud as Tony and Ziva's wake up call.

Ziva opened her eyes, and rolled over to turn off her alarm clock, when she realized two things: one, she didn't have her alarm clock, she was in Abby's lab, and it was Abby's music that had woken her up. Two, she couldn't move, because she was wrapped in Tony's arms.

"Tony! Wake up!" she demanded.

"Wha?" he asked, releasing her and sitting up. That moment, Abby turned off the music and came in through the door.

"Wakey, wakey, it's time for therapy!" she said perkily, too perkily, "Let's go make Dr. Bernstein miserable!"

"Abby, the Caf-Pow! thing wasn't really her fault-" Ziva began to object as she stood up.

"Oh I know that, but she came back. THAT was her fault."

"That is true, but I don't think-"

"You can't stop us," she smirked and turned on her heels, heading up to the squadroom to tell Gibbs about her and McGee's plan. They would fill Tony in on the way.

"Why did you have to give her any ideas?" Ziva sighed as she and Tony exited the ballistics lab.

"I didn't tell her anything. She's just naturally protective of people she loves," Tony assured her.

Ziva smiled at that, and she knew that she would pass the therapists assessment. She would be back in the field in no time.

All thanks to her family's support.

A/N: hey, sorry it's short. But I really need your guys' opinion: what do u think should happen in Ziva's session? Please tell me, cuz I want to know what you guys think. Thanks

Alli


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: I am so mad. I was in nice and sunny florida for a week, and I came home last night AND THERE IS FREAKING **SNOW** ON THE GROUND! My bedroom is like an icebox and my computer keys are freeezeing its sort of hard to type. The plane landed and EVERYBODY on the plane groaned I'm not even kidding... ok now that i'm done ranting, here is Ziva's therapy- part un.

Disclaimer: I don't own this. Wait. Correction. I own Michelle. That's about it though. WAIT! Dr. Bernstein. But I don't really wanna own her:( oh well

1600, outside Ziva's new therapist's office.

She didn't know why they had given her another female therapist. She assumed it was because they thought she could relate better to a woman.

Her new therapist was a middle aged woman, her dark brown hair just beginning to turn gray. She had that motherly look about her. There were wrinkles starting to form, but they were wrinkles that can only be made by a lifetime of smiling. The smile on her face was friendly, welcoming. She was the kind of woman you expected to be baking cookies and tucking you into bed at night. To be teaching you life's lessons.

She was the kind of woman you just couldn't help but feel comfortable around.

Ziva took one last look at her team mates, who were being ushered into Dr. Bernstein's office. Abby gave her a friendly wave, and Tony gave her an encouraging smile.

"Hello, sweetie. My name is Dr. Michelle Miller, but you can call me Michelle. Why don't you come in and take a seat?" the doctor greeted her. Her voice was sweet and kindly. Ziva entered the office and sat in one of the cushioned seats. She was surprised at how comfortable they were.

"I know you must be a little nervous, but you can let your guard down here, if not anywhere else. Nothing you say leaves this room, and I do not judge people quickly. Just be yourself, and everything will go fine." Michelle said, sitting down in a chair across from hers. Ziva was surprised that she held no clipboard, and that she hadn't just come right out and asked the hard questions. That was what she was used to, both in Somalia and in Dr. Bernstein's office. They just cut to the chase.

Ziva knew this woman was different.

"Why don't you tell me about your team, Ziva. Let's start with Jethro Gibbs."

_Flashback. _

_"Tell me about your team! Tell me about the fearless L. J. Gibbs! You know you want to!" he taunted her, brandishing the empty syringe in her face. He had emptied the contents of it into her bloodstream a few moments ago, and the impulse to talk was becoming stronger and stronger. _

_But she did not tell him a thing. _

_End flashback. _

"Ziva? I am sorry, I did not mean to pry. You do not have to tell me about him." Michelle's kind voice gently brought her back to the present.

"No, its alright... I-I will tell you about him," Ziva insisted. She did not know why she agreed, but there was something about her new therapist that Ziva felt safe around instantly.

"Gibbs is the team leader, he is fiercely protective. I believe it is because, twenty years ago, he lost his wife and young daughter. Now, he spends most of his time either at work or working on his boat. He builds boats in his basement. He insists on not using power tool, because you can not feel the wood. I think he is on boat four now." Ziva smiled a little.

"Oh my, what does he do with them once they are done? Come to think of it, how would he get it out of the basement in the first place?" Michelle asked, confused.

"Well, no one knows. Abby, however, is determined to find out, I think she has made it her mission in life. As for what he does with them, he burns them."

"Burns them? All that hard work gone to waste! Why?"

"Well, rumors are that he named the first three after his first three ex-wives. He has remarried three times since his first wife died, but I guess she was his soul mate or something, because none of them worked out. They were ALL redheads," Ziva chuckled.

"He means a lot to you," Michelle observed.

"Yes, he does. He is the father to me that my biological father never was." Ziva's eyes softened.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but what did your father do that hurt you so much?"

"He raised me to be a killer. He is the director of Mossad. To him, I was just another one of his soldiers. Just a pawn, a means to an end."

"Why the past tense?"

"I resigned from Mossad after... Some things happened." Ziva answered. This subject was too close to Somalia for her liking, and she hoped that Michelle wouldn't bring that up, although she knew she probably would. But again, she surprised her. She began talking about herself.

"When I was young, I was taken from my home by Child Protection Sevices. I was put into foster care."

"Why?" Ziva asked. It felt good to be the one asking the questions, for once.

"After my mother died, my father began drinking. Then he became abusive. I know what it's like to feel unloved, Ziva. I know what it's like to have a father that does not do what fathers should: love their children. When I was lying there, unable to do anything while I was violated by my own father, all I could ask was 'why me?' Was I really that worthless? That not even my own father could love me? But the answer is no. When I went into foster care, I was scared. I was scared of change. But then my foster father became like a real father to me. And my foster mother became my mother, and my foster siblings my new brothers and sisters. They replaced my real family, for they had never truly been family to me. I understand your situation, Ziva." Michelle told her.

Ziva was shocked. She had not expected Michelle to start talking about HER past. But Ziva was glad she did. Michelle wasn't pressing her for answers, she was letting them surface on their own. Right now, she was just getting Ziva to trust her, and to open up a little. Talking about her team made her feel happy, especially now that she knew that they truly cared about her, despite everything. And knowing that Michelle knew how she felt really helped matters, and she felt like breaking down and telling her everything. She knew what it was like for Ziva in Somalia. She knew what it was like to be restrained while being hurt by men. Michelle actually probably had it worse off than she did.

"I am sorry about your father," Ziva said.

"It's fine, it was so long ago anyway. But that is what prompted me to become a psychiatrist. I wanted to help other people get through their mental pain. I had quite a lot of therapy I had to go through to get over what my dad did, and I was dreading it at first, but eventually I learned to enjoy it. My doctor really helped me, and I wanted to do the same for others."

"That is a touching story," Ziva said.

"I just want you to know that I know what you are going through. I will not rush you, you do not need to tell me anything just yet. We are taking this at your pace. You can trust me." Michelle assured her.

Ziva was about to say that she doesn't trust anyone, but then she realized that that wasn't true.

She trusted Gibbs. She trusted Tony. She trusted McGee, and Abby, and Ducky, and Palmer...

And so some reason, she trusted Doctor Michelle Miller.

Therapy wasn't looking so bad after all.

A/N: not sure how long that was on your longchapter-o-meter, but I was writing this a two in the morning (yay! I can finally sink back into my bad habits of late night FanFiction-reading and writing!) and I almost fell asleep writing it. Please please review! I have over 200 now! Party ON! Special thanks to all the people who have reviewed each chapter! Im not gonna go thru and name them all, cuz im too lazy. And to all of the people who gave me suggestions for these next few chapters! Oooo and special thanks to Keely for all her help! Wow I have a lot of people to thank! Well thanks to all the people that I have to thank. THIS MEANS YOU cuz ur reading this:)

R&R!

Peace out from sunny ohio,

Alli


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Ok there is a semi-quote from one of my favorite movies in this chapter! If u find it, review and tell me, and u will win a... well you wont win anything just the satisfaction of knowing that you got it right! Oh, I know! I can send u a virtual hug... too creepy? Okay.

I had to rewrite this chap cuz my first version was too OOC. And that is something I try to avoid, but it is hard to do when you have never seen the character in that kind of situation before. Everybody has their own opinion of what they think would happen, and I can't satisfy all of you sorry!

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Yada yada yada...

She had been raised to block out all emotion. To never cry, to never love.

To never trust.

For three months she had kept quiet. Endured everything they did to her to make her talk. She never did.

However, she did cry. And she did love. She missed her family. It was then that she was feeling the most emotions that she ever had felt before in her life. But that was the time when she absolutely could not show them. She could not let Salim see her weak points, for he would use it against her.

And now, she is sitting in a chair, being asked questions. Just like Somalia. Only the difference is that she trusts this woman. It goes against everything she had ever been taught by her father, but she already trusts this stranger that she had met not a hour ago. It had taken her over a year to finally trust Gibbs. Tony, less time, but the bond had been damaged when he killed Michael. She doesn't know why she trusts Michelle, but not everything in life has an explanation.

Ziva knows that Michelle is just asking her simple questions about her team, just so she can begin to open up. But the problem is, opening up to someone was one of the things Eli had taught her to never do. She had learned that he was right during her time captive. If she had opened up to _them_, her life would be over, and a terrorist group would have dangerous information.

But did that rule apply to people that you trust?

No, because trusting people was another one of the "no-no's" that her father had drilled into her head. Humans are backstabbing traitors. Trusting someone was like signing your own death certificate, he had told her.

Everything that she had ever been taught was contradicted when she came to NCIS. They taught her how to love, how to trust, how to cry... Her father would say they had made her weak, but Gibbs would say that they had only made her human.

Ziva didn't know which one was correct.

It did not matter though, right now. She's still recovering from her captivity. After months of holding everything in, not talking, not crying, not even reacting, she expected herself to have come back here a sobbing, blabbering, easily-startled mess. Some of those were true to her right now. She cried a lot more, just not always in front of people. If it was in front of people it was in front of her family. She was definitely easily startled. Tony had tapped her on the shoulder once, and she had freaked out and twisted his arm into an very uncomfortable position.

She just wasn't talking to them.

For some reason, that was the exception. Instead of just letting go of all the words she had held in, crumbling like a dam under too much pressure, causing a flood, she has to take the dam apart brick by brick, letting the water out as she goes. She knows it will be a long, hard process, but she had people to help her.

But for now, she wont tell Michelle anything about what happened. And she thinks that Michelle knows that. Even when they were very close to the Somalia subject, Michelle had steered them away, knowing that she wasn't ready yet.

Ziva was grateful she understood.

Instead of going straight to the heart of the matter, she was taking the long, less painful route. Michelle knew that Ziva was like an onion. You have to peel her back a layer at a time.

Unless, of course, you were reckless enough, to use a knife.

Like Dr. Bernstein had.

So Michelle just listened as Ziva told her a little bit about each of the team member's personality. They were working slowly, but surely.

"Abby is the 'energizer rabbit of forensic science,'" Ziva laughed, remembering.

"Do you mean energizer _bunny?_" Michelle laughed as well.

"Does it matter?" Ziva asked, confused.

"Not really, its just that the energizer bunny... oh, never mind. Sorry, you were saying," Michelle tried to explain, but decided she should leave it.

"She is always hyped up of Caf-Pow!, the girl is addicted to it, I don't know how she goes through so much!" Ziva continued, smiling. She remembered the time when they had realized that it was Chip who framed Tony, and found Abby by him, as he lay soaked in Caf-Pow!, with duct tape across his mouth.

"If you don't mind me asking, has that affected your relationship at all?" Michelle asked. She was a little worried about how Ziva would react, because this question was dangerously close to hitting home.

"She... she offered to give it up for me. Abby, give up Caf-Pow! When I came to talk to her, she was scrubbing her lab clean... The guilt has been eating away at her, I can tell, she has not been herself lately... I told her that it was okay, that she didn't have to give it up, and she went all... well... normal again," Ziva answered, hesitant. She chose her words carefully.

"What is normal for her?" Michelle asked, steering away from the topic once again.

"Bouncy, jittery, excited, friendly. She has that attitude like she can do anything, and she always finds the bright side of a situation, no matter how bad it is. It is sort of contagious, just being with her seems to lighten anybody up, even Gibbs. She is like Kelly to him, like his daughter." Just thinking about Abby made Ziva feel like smiling. "She is goth, and always wears pig tails and her platform shoes," She added. Michelle smiled.

"You two are close?"

"Yes, but she did not like me at first."

"Why not?"

"Well her best friend Kate had just died... She was an agent, the one that sat at my desk before me. My... my brother killed her, and for that she did not like me. And she felt as though I was replacing Kate. She warmed to me, though, eventually." Talking about Ari was hard for Ziva.

"I see. I am glad she got over the prejudice." Michelle answered.

"Yes, me too. I talked to Du- I mean Dr. Mallard about it when it was going on, and he told me why," Ziva realized that if she called him by his nickname, Michelle would not know who she was talking about.

"Ducky?" She asked. Apparently Ziva was wrong.

"Yes, you know him?"

"Quite well. We have tea every Saturday at noon, in my office. His stories are quite fascinating, although he tends to get off topic a lot because of them..."

"I know, sometimes it is annoying, but others it is interesting and comforting."

"Have you considered talking to him?"

"You don't want me with you?"

"Of course not, sweetie. I love that you are here. But you do not know me very well, and I know that you will open up easier around an old friend," Michelle explained. Ziva knew that she was spot on with that.

"I think you are right," she answered. "I talked to him not too long ago, actually."

"You did?"

"Yes, not too long after I... returned."

"You should go see him again," Michelle suggested, standing up, "We are out of time, honey, but you will come back tomorrow, right? I know you are not too thrilled about being forced to do this, but don't think of it as therapy, just think of it as talking to a friend. And, unless I am seeing a patient, my door is always open if you want to talk, alright?"

"Alright,"

"Great, then I will see you tomorrow, at seven! Have a wonderful day, Ziva!" Michelle said as she showed her out of the room. Ziva caught her arm before she could turn away.

"Thank you. I mean it," she said. Ziva had never met such an understanding and friendly therapist before. She may not know it yet, but she was on her way to recovery.

"Anytime, sweetie. Anytime," Michelle replied, and shut the door.

Dr. Bernstein's door opened, and her teammates emerged from the room. It seemed as though they were all fighting smiles, even Gibbs. Ziva was worried that they had killed the therapist and fed her to McGee's dog at first, but then she saw the doctor, still very much alive, shut the door.

And they all let their smiles show.

What had they done in there?

A/N: I used a review I got from "Memory" for the ending... It said, and I quote: "i vote gibbs should kill the damn doctor and make tim's dog eat her." Lol I DIED laughing. Not even kidding. Some of the other suggestions were pretty funny too:) ok next up is the team's therapy.

So brace yourself.

Haha please review!

Alli


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Sorry, it has been so long! But i'm sick, and just not feeling the mood, ya know? So I finally pushed myself to write this, but I am seriously not sure how good it is. Tony may seem out of character, and bastard-y, but remember he is really mad at Doctor Bernstein, and giving her all the blame, when really, it is no one's fault but Salim's. And don't worry, in time he will realize that. But for now, he will be chewing her out, hellbent on revenge against the evil doctor! And I really need suggestions, cuz im not sure how the next chapter will play out. So please, if you want something to happen, tell me! I am not a mind reader, as much as I wish I was:)

Tony had been filled in on Abby and McGee's plan while they were standing outside Dr. Bernstein's office.

Basically, they were just going to make her feel very guilty without downright accusing. Tony anticipated he would have trouble with the "not accusing" part.

Abby had that excited, mischievous grin on her face. Tony knew that Gibbs and Ducky knew the plan, she would have told them.

Abby had nicknamed their plan Operation S.T.E.T.O.G.T.B.O.W.S.D.T.Z, which stood for Send The Evil Therapist On a Guilt Trip Because Of What She Did To Ziva. Tony knew that if Ziva knew about this, she would probably be objecting. But Tony needed this to make HIMSELF feel better.

He glanced at Ziva as he was about to enter the therapist's office. She was looking at him, and he gave her an encouraging smile. She had been joined by a woman, presumably her new therapist.

"Hello again, Team Gibbs!" Dr. Bernstein said cheerily. All she got in response was many angry and annoyed looks.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked in an innocent voice.

"Not at all," Tony says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Alrighty, then," the doctor said, clapping her hands together. "So what's new?"

"Well, we all thought that Ziva's PTSD was gone, and it was, but apparently, it's back." McGee began.

"Yeah, back worse than before! And that's like REALLY bad! Not that her PTSD was that bad before, because it wasn't. It really wasn't that bad, which was unusual, but I didn't want to question it, because if I did than then I would jinx it..." Abby rambled.

"I thought we had put Somalia behind us. Not just Ziva, all of us." Tony continued.

"I know. Last night, I had a nightmare that we didn't get Ziva in time. I dreamed that they brought in her body, then killed you, Tony." McGee said. He actually wasn't lying just to make the therapist feel bad. These dreams had been a frequent occurrence when they returned. Now, they were back again. He knew they were not nearly as bad as Ziva's, though.

"I dreamed he drowned her in Caf-Pow! then sent us a video of him doing it." Abby said, sadly. Now, _that_ was a lie.

"I think you all might be overreacting. There is no way a little Caf-Pow! could do that much harm," Dr. Bernstein said.

"Overreacting! How can you even say that?" Abby objected, angrily. The nerve of that doctor!

"Have you ever been tortured, Dr. Bernstein?" Gibbs asked, obviously trying to make a point.

"No."

"Then you have no right to say that."

"Oh come on. She'll be fine. Her PTSD can't be that bad, if it hasn't shown up until now." the doctor said.

"Fine! Fine? I suppose then what happened last night was her being 'fine?'" Tony yelled.

"And what happened last night?" Dr. Bernstein asked, her brow furrowed.

"She freaking tried to kill herself, that's what!" Tony shouted, standing up.

"To kill herself? You're kidding... you must have misinterpreted it..." Dr. Bernstein reasoned, shocked.

"Well, she ran away from my house after waking up screaming, and when I found her she was curled up in the mud. She handed me her gun and begged me to kill her! Do you _think_ I misinterpreted that? How the hell can you even call yourself a therapist, you insensitive bi-" Tony shouted, but was cut off by Gibbs' hand on his shoulder. Tony looked to his boss, and saw the expression in his eyes, telling him to cool it.

"Did she really do that, Tony?" Abby softly asked. She personally couldn't believe it.

"Would I lie to you, Abby?" he replied.

"But that is nothing like the Ziva I know! She is a tough ninja, and resilient, the one who never gives up without a fight!"

"She did fight, Abigail. She fought when she first got back from Africa. She fought to keep herself from giving into the despair and pain and to put one foot in front of the other, even when, on somedays, it felt like too much. She used all of the strength she had left to rebuild her life, once she came back. Now, that hopelessness has returned, worse than before, and the poor dear has little of that kind of mental strength left in her reserve. It is going to take a lot to pull her through this. She is no doubt in a very dark place right now," Ducky theorized. Dr. Bernstein listened to their conversation, and suddenly realized that Ziva was much worse off than she first thought. Sure, she felt bad about what happened, but how was this her fault? How could she have known the Israeli would react badly to Caf-Pow? She couldn't have known. But she knew that if she hadn't kept pressing her to reveal information, then Ziva wouldn't have ended up in the hospital. And then she, herself, had come to visit her while she was still wearing the same, Caf-Pow soaked clothes. That was a very stupid move.

This _was_ her fault.

"I am so sorry. I did not realize-" the Doctor tried to apologize, but was cut off.

"Oh, save it." Tony told her, with venom in his voice. It was clear that he had deep feelings for the girl.

"I did not mean for this to happen. If I had known-"

"If you had known, you wouldn't have been such an ass? Yeah, right. How did you even graduate with a degree? What school would pass _you?_" Tony interrupted, again.

"Well, its a long story, but-"

"A long story. A long story?" Tony laughed, not letting Dr. Bernstein finish a sentence. "Just saying that proves my point."

"Look, I don't know what you are trying to do here, but-"

"I am trying to get you to understand what you did to her! What you made her relive! She was held hostage and _tortured_ for information about NCIS in a terrorist training camp for _three months! _When we found her, she couldn't even walk! It was a miracle she wasn't even dead, but you know what I think? I think that they got _tired _of interrogating her, and they started to use her to satisfy some of their _other _needs! It probably kept her alive, but it shattered her spirit! Can you even imagine what it was like? 'Cause I sure as hell can't!" Tony continued to let his anger out.

"I... No one told me this!"

"Well, no one told me what happened to her either. Because she won't tell me, and she refuses to talk about it, I think she is afraid to show emotion in front of me! Plus, everyone else who knows is dead! Those were just guesses, but very _educated_ guesses, if you ask me."

"Tony. You need to relax-" Gibbs said.

"But it is true," McGee backed Tony up. "I was there when it happened. I was there when we first found out Ziva was alive, I was there, in that room. It was like all of the happiness and hope had been drained from her, like she gave up. Then, once we left the room, she began to fight again. But before that... It was heartbreaking. So unlike Ziva, like she truly expected to die. And now? Now, I am seeing the exact same Ziva as the one that was brought into that cell and shoved into the seat. Like she doesn't really intend to live through this, either."

"Exactly, Probie. It's scaring me." Tony was glad someone understood how he was feeling. He cared for her so much, seeing her like this was killing him. He wanted to bad to help her, to make all of the ghosts go away, but he couldn't. It was like he wasn't strong enough.

How he wished he could make it all better!

He wants to help her, wants to be there for her. He will be whomever she needs him to be, whether that be a punching bag or a shoulder to cry on. Whatever it takes to get her through this trial in one piece. Why?

Because he loves her.

A/N: I am begging you, please review! These past few chapters (and, I anticipate, the next few) have been painstakingly hard to write, so I can use all the help I can get! Plus, I was really iffy about this chapter, so let me know!

Ps, for all ya tiva lovers out there, what do ya say to a little romance? I have half changed my mind, so tell me if u think I should incorporate a little Tiva looooove into the story:)


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: this chap is mainly Ziva's thoughts. Sorry, it has been a while, but I was on a trip for school all week, and we weren't allowed to bring laptops. Tell me what you thought of this chapter, because I am really not sure.

1730, Outside of Dr. Bernstein's office

"Did you see her? She was so guilty! Oh, this is going to be good! We are going to have so much fun tomorrow during Phase Two!" Abby squealed after the door shut.

"Erm... _What_ exactly is Phase Two, Abby?" Tony hesitantly asked. He had a feeling he didn't want to know.

"You will find out soon, Tony," she smirked, mischievously, and turned on her heels, pigtails flying. She grabbed McGee's arm and pulled him towards the elevator.

"Ziva! Hey, how did it go?" Tony asked, as they approached each other.

"It was okay, I guess," she said softly as they started for the elevator.

"It was okay? Really? The Ziva I know would be threatening to kill someone and complaining right now."

"Well, maybe it was not that bad." she said, and sped up, trying to avoid this conversation. It was hard enough to admit that to herself, let alone Tony. But he really wanted to talk, so he sped up a little, too, coming up beside her.

"C'mon, Zee-VAH, talk to me. What was she like?" he pressed.

"She was nice." she stated, plainly, and punched the up button on the elevator.

"Nice? Nice how? Nice as is, nice nice, or just plain old nice-"

"She reminded me of my mother."

"You have a mother?" Tony asked, surprised.

"Of course I have a mother, Tony. Must I explain to you the miracle of birth?" she was getting very annoyed. The elevator arrived, and they got in, the doors shutting behind them.

"No, I mean, like... Well, I don't know you just never talk about her."

"I don't talk about her because she is no longer in my life. I doubt she is even alive."

"What happened?"

"That is none of your business, Tony. My family matters do not concern you. Considering they no longer concern me, because I am no longer a part of that family."

"Fine. But seriously, what happened today? Did she brainwash you? Did she press you too much?"

"You mean like what you are doing right now?" she rolled her eyes, annoyed. Tony sighed and hit the emergency stop button.

"I want to make sure that therapy is not a threat to your... wellbeing." his voice became more serious.

"Isn't the therapy supposed to do the exact opposite?"

"Well, considering our track record with therapists..."

"You think that Dr. Miller is doing what Dr. Bernstein did. You think she is being careless and running without looking where she is going."

"Yes."

"Well, she is not. Michelle barely asked me any questions, and none of them pertained to certain... touchy subjects. She is starting slow, doing what is best for me."

"Wow, Michelle? Since when have you two been on a first name basis?"

"Since I entered her room," she said, flipping the emergency stop off, trying to end the conversation, and the elevator grumbled to life once again.

"I am happy it went well." he said softly, and the elevator doors opened. He stepped out, leaving Ziva to think. The doors shut again, with Ziva still inside the elevator. She really just needed some time to sort things out. She flicked the stop button. Again, the elevator stopped moving.

Was she really opening up? She knew it was only a matter of time before she told Michelle everything that had happened. She really did not want to tell anybody, though. Knowing that she would just made her feel weaker.

When she had returned, she believed that she would be able to just bury everything that had happened inside of her. She could forget about it, and move on. She thought she would be able to do it. But to think that was foolish. Even Ziva knew that eventually, the truth would come out. If not on it's own, then by the past. The past always comes back to haunt you.

The truth had gotten tired of waiting to come out. The past had caught up with her, no matter what she did to prevent it. And now the feelings and emotions that she had buried inside of herself upon her return, were threatening to unearth themselves and make themselves known. The thought that she might not have control over this scared her. She needed to be in control of her emotions, it was the only thing she had. Back in Somalia, she could not control when they came, what they did to her. She controlled nothing, except for the power to resist. Resist their efforts to get her to talk, to break.

And now she could feel that control slipping away, gradually becoming more and more out of reach. She needed it, and ever so slowly, she was losing her grip. Falling.

But they were there. Tony, Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Ducky. They were all there.

Ducky.

Michelle had suggested she talk to him. The thought of willingly divulging information was absurd, though. Not while she still had control. Not while she still had the power to stop it.

But did she want to? Deep down, she did. No one can hold out forever. She has been trapped in her mind for so long now, prisoner of her feelings. How long has she been carrying this burden? The burden had grown larger and larger the longer she had kept her emotions all pent up inside. It happened gradually, and she had not really even noticed this burden until she had to battle it in Somalia. Before, carrying it had been second nature to her, something she didn't even notice herself doing. But now? Now that it had made itself known? It was in the forefront of her mind, and it was far harder to battle. The thought of relief from this burden made her feel like she was quitting, giving up.

However, it sounded like such a wonderful idea. She trusted her team. If she was going to put her guard down, stop fighting, even for only a minute, it was going to be around someone she trusted. She knew that Gibbs would listen, and offer her comfort in the most fatherly way, but for some reason it just didn't feel right tonight. Her father figure did not have too much experience in this field.

Tony was a great shoulder to cry on, but as far as giving advice and insight, he was not the best.

As caring and sympathetic as McGee is, he would probably have no idea what to do. He would be like a deer caught in the headlights.

Abby was out of the question, she would flip.

And that only left Ducky. He has training in psychology, and would be able to help her and give her advice. Plus, he would listen carefully and would not pity her. She did not think of Ducky as a psychologist, but as her grandfather to whom she went for advice. As family, and someone who could help.

Who would help.

Ziva knew she couldn't stay on this elevator forever. And so she hit the button for autopsy, flicked off the emergency stop switch, and was on her way to speak with Ducky, the whole time chastising herself for giving in, and _letting_ someone in.

A/N: So? What did you think? Did I do a good job portraying Ziva's complicated thoughts? Once you enter her mind it is hard to leave, and hard to stop typing, so some of this stuff may not make sense. I am hoping you were able to understand most of it:)

Next up, ziva and Ducky's convo. PLEASE review and tell me what you think Ziva should reveal to ducky, and how much! Thank you guys so much, I got SO MANY REVIEWS for the last chapter, it was insane! I think maybe 17! or even 18! I have never had that many, and for that I thank you:) all of you.

Until later,

Alli


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Yay! I told u the next chap would be up soon!

Suddenly, the elevator groaned to a stop. Ziva became confused, she had not touched the emergency stop button again. But the elevator was not moving, and the doors remained shut.

She was stuck.

It was a long time coming, really. All those years of Gibbs using it as his own personal "office" had taken it's toll on the elevator. But why now? Why did it have to stop working _now?_ Why while she was in it?

It was official, the universe hates her.

The lights under the rails that usually came on were slowly dimming. Soon, she was engulfed completely in blackness.

_Stay calm, _she told herself, pulling out her cellphone. Hands shaking, she pressed speed dial one and waited for Gibbs to pick up.

"Gibbs," she heard him answer once the ringing stopped.

"Gibbs, erm... The elevator's stuck, I'm in it. Could you tell the maintenance people to try to get it working again?" she said, calmly, trying very hard not to let her panic show in her voice.

"Sure, Ziver. You okay in there?"

"Fine, just... get someone to get me out," she said softly, forcing it out. With that, she flipped the phone shut and leaned her head back onto the wall, breathing slowly.

_Inhale, exhale, inhale exhale,_ she chanted like a mantra in her head. But try as she might, she was beginning to panic. She and been stuck in the elevator before, with McGee. But then, she had McGee, and the lights weren't out. When she had begun to panic, he had calmed her and soothed her. She made him promise not to tell anybody that she was claustrophobic. After Somalia, that is. She had never had claustrophobia before then, but now, being in tight spaces without windows scared her.

But not nearly as much as dark, tight, enclosed spaces.

She could not see anything. The walls were closing in on her, like in that one movie... what was it? There was a princess with odd hair on either side of her head, like earmuffs? They were in a garbage disposal, right? And the walls were slowly coming in on them, trying to crush them. She could not remember the name of the movie, but she knew that this is what that felt like. The walls were crushing her, she couldn't breathe. She was being swallowed up by the darkness, and about to be crushed by the walls of the elevator. But she was no longer in an elevator. She was in that cell they put her in. the small cell where she had barely any room to lie down, not sit up. It was dark, and small, and she had no human contact for days on end. She was there, she was going to die. They were going to kill her. She had no reason to live. Tony hates her, Gibbs does not love her, Abby probably despises her for leaving... But she refuses to betray them. And she will die for it, die without telling them she was sorry. For leaving, for being a jerk to Tony... This was it, this was the end. She was prepared to die.

And so she was engulfed in a new type of blackness. The pain-free, floating on a cloud, kind of non-existence. She was sure she's dead. Finally, they have killed her.

_Meanwhile..._

He picked up the phone, and instantly knew something was wrong. It was in her voice. She was trying to hide it, but she was scared. Ziva, scared? Gibbs knew that she was trying very very hard not to freak out. It made him worried, and he wanted to ask her more, but she hung up. Left with no other option, and figuring that he could talk to her once she got out, he called maintenance.

Gibbs met them at the doors of the elevator, where they were already working on getting the doors to open. About five minutes passed before they finally did, and he was not prepared for what he saw.

Ziva lay in a crumpled ball in the corner of the elevator, cell phone at her side. Running to her, he found a steady pulse. She was only unconscious, thank heavens.

"Is it okay to use the elevator now?" he asked the maintenance workers.

"Should be fine now," one said, and they left. The doors shut and Gibbs went to hit the autopsy button, and found it was already lit. Gibbs smiled a little, realizing she was planning to see Ducky.

The elevator arrived at their destination, and the doors opened without a hitch. Gibbs gently picked Ziva up, and carried her into Autopsy.

"Jethro! What brings you down here today?" Ducky asked in a lively voice, spinning his chair around. His smile instantly disappeared, however when he saw Ziva. "My goodness! Jethro what happened?"

"The elevator got stuck, the lights went out, and she was in it. She passed out before we got the doors opened." Gibbs explained, setting her down on one of the tables, and setting a roll of paper towels under her head.

"You never told me she was claustrophobic, Jethro!"

"I didn't know, Duck. Not until now."

"You said it was dark?"

"Pitch black," Gibbs confirmed.

"That means that she quite possibly has a small case of nyctophobia as well."

"Nyctophobia? You know I don't speak Doc, Duck."

"Fear of the dark, Jethro. The poor girl probably developed this fear in Africa, it is most logical." he answered, and grabbed her wrist to take her pulse. "Her pulse is fairly normal, a little fast, but nothing severe. She should wake up soon."

"Ziver? Ziva wake up, now. You are safe," Gibbs whispered soothingly into her ear. Her eyelids fluttered a little and she turned her head. "C'mon, that's it. Up you go, sweetie. There we go," Her eyes were now open, and she looked around, confused.

"Wha... What happened?" she asked, groggily. Noticing she was on the autopsy table, she quickly sat up and swung her legs over the side, and stood up.

Big mistake. She suddenly got very dizzy, and unable to stand. Her knees gave way and she was no longer standing, but being supported by Gibbs, who had his arms around her. He sat her down on the table again.

"You passed out, my dear. Jethro said the elevator got stuck." Ducky said, concern in his voice.

"Passed out? But... Crap. You can not tell anyone about this, Gibbs. Please? Especially _not_ Tony. He tends to... overreact about the little things."

"Ziva, this isn't a little thing. You need to tell us if you are afraid of the dark, or tight spaces."

"I'm not afraid! I just... fell and hit my head." she lied, defiantly, but they were not fooled.

"Then where is the bump? Dear, you do not need to deny it. We care about you and want to help you. But we can't do that unless you let us," Ducky told her sweetly. Suddenly, Jethro's phone rang shrilly in the quiet, echoey room. Ziva jumped, startled. Ducky placed his hand over hers.

"Gibbs... Alright, we will be there soon." Gibbs answered his phone, then hung up shortly after. "That was dispatch, we have a case. Ziver, you stay down here with Ducky, you are sitting this one out. Let him help you," he instructed, and leaned in to kiss her forehead. With that, he left, without even giving her a chance to object. She sighed.

"Why does he do that, Ducky?"

"You mean look out for you? Because he cares."

"He's not looking out for me, he is patrioting me!"

"The term is patronizing, my dear, and he is not. He is only trying to do what's best for you."

"I want to work, though! It takes my mind off of... things."

"Right now, you are should not be out in the field. That was no doubt very traumatic for you, dear."

"I'm fine, Ducky."

"That's balderdash, and you know it." he said, wagging his finger. He gave her his hand to help her off, and, to his surprise, she took it. He led her to his desk and sat her down in an extra chair. He pulled out two tea cups and two tea bags. He disappeared momentarily, with the cups, and came back with them full of hot water. He placed the tea bags into them.

"Would you care for some tea? I know it is not the best, considering it is from the bag, but here, it is the best I can do."

"I would love some, thank you Ducky. What kind is it?"

"Jasmine."

"That is my favorite, Ducky! How did you know?" she asked incredulously.

"I have my sources," he smirked, and handed her the tea, sipping his. "Now, as your physician, I need to ask you, what was the cause of this incident. I know you do not want to talk about it, but the hard truth is that the longer you keep this to yourself, the more you will want to tell someone, and eventually who knows to whom you will spill your guts!"

"I know, Ducky. I was actually coming down here to talk about you before the elevator got stuck."

"I am assuming you are claustrophobic and afraid of the dark, correct?"

"Yes, but I am not too afraid of the dark. Sure, it unsettles me, but that was not what made me pass out," she told him.

"The claustrophobia, then?"

"I am assuming, yes."

"Do you know why you are claustrophobic, my dear?"

"I do... but I have never told anybody about it."

"You can trust me, sweetheart," he told her, softly.

"I know I can, but... I do not trust myself not to break down."

"I do not expect you to not. You can tell me anything, I will keep it to myself." he assured her, and took her hand.

"But what about rule four?" she asked, thinking about the rule about secrets.

"My dear, if I do remember correctly, it states that if you want to keep a secret, keep it to yourself. Second best is to tell one other person. Now, I am willing to be that one other person, if you would like. Although, this does not need to be a secret. You do not need to keep this a secret."

"Things will change if I tell people, Ducky! They will pity me, look at me as a victim! That is the last thing I want."

"No one will think any less of you, sweetie. You will always be our Ziva." he continued to assure her. Finally, she decided that she needed to tell someone what had happened to her in Somalia. She knew it would be painful, reliving it. But she also knew that she would feel better afterwards, having relieved some of the burden that is continually growing.

So she opened her mouth to confide in him some of the horrors that had been done to her, the ones that made her afraid to be anywhere small for too long a time. She trusts him, and she will tell him, this was the first step to recovery for her.

A/N: please do not kill me for leaving it here! Next chap will be up soon! Tell me what you thought, cuz I am worried that that was OOC. Oh, and I could use suggestions for EXACTLY what you think she should tell ducky. Like, specifics. I cant wait to hear from you guys! Also, I got a review saying that I should include EJ in this fic, and have her start digging into what happened in somalia. But I think I am going to make a separate fic with that theme, cuz EJ just doesnt fit into the timeline, and right now, im not even sure if I get whats going on with EJ period, im not even sure exactly how she fits into the show. Plus I hate her. So, ya sorry Alice. But I will definitely make a fic with that theme sometime in the near future, and tell you guys when I do, incase you want to read it. Also, I have a thought for this other fic in mind, I have had the idea for a while (thanks Miranda!) but im thinking I might even incorporate that idea in to this fic. We shall see, we shall see:D

Love you guys,

Alli


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: this one's a shorty, but it's what you've been waiting for!

"It is a strange feeling, being resigned to death. I knew I would die there, it was only a matter of time before they got tired of me, and decided to kill me. I was only a waste of space.

The methods they used were textbook, not overly creative. I had been trained to withstand most of the torture they inflicted, I was able to keep a level head and not talk. They came everyday in the beginning, sometimes they wouldn't leave at all.

The claustrophobia probably stems from the times they would put me in this box. It was small, too small. It was pitch black, and sometimes I was in there for days on end. No food, no water, just me and the darkness and silence. At first, i was grateful. I finally got time alone, no one to bother me. But it was worse. The lack of human contact was slowly driving me to insanity, and being alone with my thoughts and my regrets did not help. Even Salim with his knife and iron fists was preferable." she explained to Ducky. She looked away, ashamed. She had admitted weakness.

"My dear, when did they stop?" he asked sympathetically. He knew that the state they had recovered Ziva in, however terrible, was not the worst she had been in there. Her wounds had healed somewhat when they found her.

"About two months in, they decided I was not going to talk, and that the information I had was probably out of date."

"Yet they did not kill you?" he inquired, puzzled.

"They decided to use me for more... Personal activities. When it first happened, I was prepared for them to come in and slit my throat. But instead, they kept me alive to satisfy their devilish needs. I don't think there was a time when I wished for death more," she explained, choosing her words carefully. She nearly broke down, reliving it was almost too much. But somehow she managed to stay strong.

And then Ducky stood up, walked to short distance to her, knelt down, and hugged her. She was stunned, she was definitely not expecting this.

She had just confessed what would make most people thoroughly repulsed! He should be walking away from her, the damaged and violated goods, not hugging her! What is she worth anymore? Nothing!

"Ducky, why..."

"You need comfort, dear. You long for someone to hold you, to let you cry yourself to sleep on their shoulder. I can see right through that mask of yours, I always could. You may be able to fool the others, but you can not fool me. You are hurting, but you are trying to keep it to yourself. You think we will see you as weak, and pitiful. However, while you might see emotion as weak, we all see it as human. You are only human, Ziva."

"Sometimes I don't know what I am, anymore."

"Well unless you have been bitten by a werewolf, you are still human, always will be." he joked, sitting back in his chair and sipping his tea.

Ziva couldn't believe it. She actually almost felt better. Well, she definitely felt better than when she came down here, that's for sure. She had shared her burden with Ducky, and suddenly it was a little lighter. The rest would disappear with time, the most she opened up. That doesn't mean she wants to open up, however, she knows that it is the only way.

She will confide in them, trust them with her heart. In fact, she already had. Just by loving them. They are the only people that have gotten this close to her since Tali, and their love means more to her than the entire world.

A/N: Please review! I really need to know what you guys thought of this chapter, was it terrible? How was my explanation? Too graphic? Horrible? Good? I NEED ANSWERS:D


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Sorry, this took a while, but I started another fic and I also have no idea where I want to go from here. OOOO just had an idea... anyway read.

"Ziva!" Gibbs called, as he entered the squadroom. Ziva was sitting at her desk, filling out paperwork. She looked up as he approached her desk. "Go home." he told her.

"I can stay-" she began to protest.

"Forget it. You were up all night, you need to go home and get some rest."

"But Tony drove me to work today." she pointed out.

"That's fine. I will take you home." Gibbs told her. "C'mon, grab your gear." she sighed, knowing it was useless. She grabbed all her gun and her badge, and stood up, heading towards the elevator with Gibbs. He surprised her by gently steering her towards the stairs.

"Not today, Ziver, you're taking the stairs," he insisted. She smiled a little, secretly glad that he wasn't making her go in there, for however short a time.

They got in his yellow car, and pulled out of NCIS. Ziva shut her eyes and leaned her head back, nearly falling asleep. They were there in less than ten minutes. She opened her eyes when the car slowed to a stop, and got out, surprised when Gibbs turned off the engine and followed her.

"What..." she began him, as they got out of the car.

"You shouldn't be alone, tonight." he explained as they started climbing the stairs to her apartment.

"You are staying the night here?" she asked, incredulous.

"Nope, you are getting some clothes then spending the night at my place."

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Gibbs." she insisted as she opened the door, holding it for him.

"I know that. I was just thinking that, maybe, sometimes, you would want to let other people help ya with that."

"I don't need the help."

"Just because you don't need it doesn't mean it shouldn't happen."

"It is not necessary."

"I get that. But I am helping you, anyway. So get over it. Now, go get some clothes for tomorrow and your pajamas," he instructed. She did just that, emerging a few minutes later.

They went back down to the car, and drove to Gibbs' house. When they went inside, Gibbs went to the kitchen and came back out with coffee.

"Why are you making coffee, it's late?" she asked. She was convinced his blood must run coffee brown.

"I'm going to work on the boat." he explained.

"I will help," she stated, starting for the basement.

"Oh, no you won't. You are going to bed, you need to sleep." he said, and for the second time that day, steering her away from her desired destination. He led her upstairs, to his bedroom.

"You'll sleep here," he told her, flicking on the lights. The room was very pretty, with calming blue walls and a queen bed in the middle. She set down her bag at the foot of the bed and took out her pajamas.

"In your room?"

"I'm going to work on my boat all night, not going to be needing the bed," he explained. "If you need anything just holler." he left, shutting the door on his way out. She smiled, and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. In truth, she was actually glad that he let her stay here. She felt safe here, with him. Even though the door always remained unlocked.

She was actually glad he never locked his door, not that she would have any trouble picking it. It was like a sign to her, a sign that he would always be there if she needed help.

The shower was calming, almost therapeutic. When she came out, she felt refreshed. Running her brush through her wild hair, she put on her pajamas and climbed under the covers, ready to sleep.

Tony had told him a lot about her nightmare the other night, so he was expecting to run into the same problem. He was glad when the night was quiet, no screams piercing through it like a spear. It actually made him a bit suspicious, so he left his boat to go and check on her.

When he got to the room, he found her sleeping, but not altogether peacefully. She was frowning and tossing every now and then, but Gibbs did not wake her. She needed her sleep.

Ziva kicked the covers off, and Gibbs' eyes widened. Her shirt had ridden up in her sleep, exposing her back and abdomen.

Scars.

They seemed to cover almost every inch of exposed skin, white lines criss-crossing across her back. Long red lines that could only have been made by the blade of a knife seemed to have been placed strategically, methodically. Gibbs felt sick. Salim got off far easier than he should have. He should have suffered just like she did.

But Gibbs knows that wouldn't change anything. Even though he is dead, Ulmann continues to haunt her.

And suddenly, her breathing escalates. She begins to pant, and to whimper occasionally. Her tossing has become more like a violent thrashing, and suddenly, she screams.

It's like a blow to Gibbs heart.

He is at her side in an instant, he climbs onto the bed and sits up against the headboard. Despite her struggling, he manages to pull her close to him. The thrashing only gets worse, and now she is almost a danger to Gibbs himself. Knowing she needs to wake up, and knowing there is only one way, he holds her tightly, so she can barely move. He is no longer just holding her though, more like restraining. He whispers soothing words into her ear, trying to coax her out of the nightmare, and back into consciousness.

"Gibbs! No, Please, don't! _Gibbs!_" she screams, and for a minute he thinks she's awake, but then realizes that she is still stuck in her nightmare, and he is hurting her there. He feels terrible, and knows that once she wakes up he can't stick around for long.

"Shh... Honey, wake up. It's all okay, I am not going to hurt you. It's only a dream, I would never hurt you, ever," he whispers. Finally, the struggles die down, and ever so slowly, she opens her eyes.

"Gibbs?" comes a weak voice.

"I am sorry." he whispers, kisses her head, then starts to get up.

"No!" she protests, grabbing his arm. "Why are you leaving? Why are you sorry?" she asks in a small voice. She needs him.

"You know I would never hurt you, right?" he asks, ignoring her question. She doesn't reply.

"Ziver... Did I hurt you in your dream?" he inquires softly, sliding back onto the bed.

"It is a dream. It is not real life, I know you would never do that." she assures him.

"Do what? Ziva, what did I do?" he asks, worried.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does."

"I had the same dream last night, too. It's recurring, there is nothing you can do about it."

"But you know I would never, ever, do anything to hurt you, right?" he asks, seeking assurance that she does not fear him.

"I know that you would never do anything to hurt me as long is there is another choice." she whispers, leaning into his chest.

And that was how she fell asleep.

She sort of felt needy, having slept in the arms of the two men she trusted most two nights in a row. But they were there for her, and willing to do it. So why not? Because of her pride? That had been reduced to almost nothing a long time ago.

So, forget it. From now on, she would do what's best for her, who cares what other people think? Her image was already tarnished enough, what could make it worse? Not much.

She had no nightmares, and she thinks she knows why. Sleeping in his arms, smelling his scent, makes her feel safe, and secure.

Nothing can hurt her, not while he is around.

A/N: Okay, so I know that this seems like its just going in circles, but I have a major Tiva event planned, involving a perp intent on making a certain someone pay, and using Ziva to... ok u know what Ive given too much away already.

Please tell me what you thought! Sorry for lack of Tiva in this chapter, but they can't all be tiva can they?

Please review! I want to reach 300:D plus I need to know what you think, and also, suggestions. I need those, cuz i'm running out of ideas. Hahaha thanks:)

Alli


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Happy Easter/Passover:D my birthday is on wednesday, so I have a celebration-packed week! Haha:) ok so here's the next chapter. I realize this may seem rushed, and maybe OOC, cuz ziva might seem too... open, but we have to realize she is coming to realize that she can trust people... and as far as rushed goes, I just really want to get her cleared for the field so the Event can occur... did that give something away? I hope not... but it probably did haha.

Her body's internal alarm clock woke her up the next morning. She wasn't sure where she was at first, but she felt the slow rise and fall of her backrest, and knew that she had fallen asleep in Gibbs arms. Her neck was stiff from sleeping upright all night, but she knew his would be worse.

Trying not to disturb him, she moved to get out of the bed. But he woke, slowly opening his eyes.

"Mornin', Ziver," he mumbled groggily, "Wha' time's it?"

"Erm... 0600, Gibbs," she replied. "We need to get into work." she said, yawning.

"I'll go change, meet me downstairs in 20." he said, getting out of bed, kissing her forehead, and leaving the room, running his hand through his unruly hair.

Twenty minutes later, Gibbs came down the stairs to the smell of coffee, all dressed and ready for work. Ziva was rummaging through his cabinets.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked, grabbing the cup of coffee she had set out for him.

"Looking for cream and sugar! I don't know _how_ you drink that stuff Gibbs," she grimaced. "Do you even have any cream and sugar?"

"Nope. Don't need it." he replied, taking a huge sip of his coffee. She just rolled her eyes and abandoned her search.

"I'll get some coffee on the way over," she decides, and they head out to the car.

"What time is therapy?" she asks Tony, who is sitting at his desk working, and sneaking glances at her when she's not looking. She pretended not to notice.

"In ten minutes, at 0730. We have something fun planned for today," he grins mischievously.

"Don't kill her, I don't want you to lose your job," she advised.

"Oh, we won't." he continued to grin his stupid evil smile.

"Is _that_ what you are working on?" she asks, incredulous.

"Mayyyyyybe." he raises his eyebrows playfully. She laughs.

"What are you planning to do?" she asks nonchalantly.

"Oh, just some stuff..."

"Tony!"

"Abby made me promise not to tell."

"Is Gibbs in on it?"

"He better hope I am," Gibbs said, as he entered the squadroom, slapping Tony's head. "What are you talking about?"

"Abby's evil plan." Tony explained.

"Oh, thaaaat," Gibbs nodded, knowingly. This was enough to drive Ziva over the edge.

"Ugh! What's the plan! You guys are steering me crazy," she complained.

"Driving." Tony corrected.

"Driving? Where are we going? Did I miss something," she said, standing up.

"No, Ziva! The expression is _driving_ me crazy." he groaned in exasperation.

"Alright, let's go. We have some therapy to attend." Gibbs instructed, and they all stood up.

"Where's McAbsent?" Tony asked.

"Down with Abby, finishing up the Plan. Ducky is down there as well, giving Abby the pictures." Gibbs replied. This just made Ziva more impatient.

Gibbs took the stairs again with Ziva, after explaining to Tony briefly what happened yesterday. Michelle was already standing outside of her office, ready to start her session with Ziva. Dr. Bernstein's door was still closed. Abby, Tim, and Ducky were all standing outside of it.

"The pictures?" Gibbs asked as they got approached them.

"All saved into a file on McGee's iPhone." Abby replied. Gibbs nodded.

"I guess I will see you all in an hour and a half." Ziva said, and she turned to go to Michelle.

"Welcome back, Ziva! Did you have a good rest of your day yesterday?" she asked as she ushered Ziva in, and shut the door. Ziva took a seat in one of the plush armchairs, and Michelle sat across from her.

"Actually, I talked to Ducky, like you recommended."

"Really? Very good." Michelle praised. "Did it help?"

"Yes, I believe it did. It made me feel... like the burden of secrets I have been carrying has gotten suddenly lighter." she tried to describe.

"I am very impressed. You seemed to have improved, just from yesterday."

"I seem to be getting better by the day."

"I am very glad."

"I just... miss my work, you know?"

"I do know. And, I know that this may be too early for this, but I think I am going to clear you for field work," Michelle revealed.

"What? Really?"

"Do you think you can handle it?"

"Of course! I just... did not think that it would be this soon."

"You are not completely healed yet, but I think that the initial shock is over. You are back to how you were before the incident, and you were fine in the field then. Plus, I believe that work provides a welcome distraction for you."

"You are right. I need to work to keep my mind off things, and feel like I am being productive."

"I believe that your physical and mental health is good enough to enter back into the field. You still need to come here, though. You still have a lot of healing to do."

"I know... I am just so happy that I can have my life back!"

"You seem a lot more... open today." Michelle observed. And she was right. Ziva _was_ feeling more open, and it had largely to do with her realization that she was safe. That she was loved. That she could trust the people she loves to keep her secrets, and to be there for her. She could fall, and they would catch her.

It was a lot different feeling than independence.

She really _had_ changed. She was different now, and was better because of it. Her father had taught her to be the emotionless, soulless, killer that she had been up until last summer. At first, she thought that she was weak, the she had come back from Somalia weak. But now she knows that she is herself, now. Not what her father had made her into. _That_ woman died with Salim. Now, she's who she would be if she hadn't had such a messed up childhood; messed up father. In a strange, twisted, way, she owed Salim. She was a better person now. She was NCIS Agent Ziva David, not Mossad Assassin Ziva David. What was that saying? Then she remembers it, and smiles.

Because she has come to realize that that the doesn't kill her, can only make her stronger.

A/N: Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews, CUZ WE REACHED 300! 303 REVIEWS YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST:) love you all,

Alli.

Ps, LET'S GO FOR 400! lol

Pps, Lightningtrance265, did you delete ur account or something? Because, I tried to reply to your reviews but unfortunately I couldn't find you... and the account was 256 not 265... just a random thing that I was curious about... haha:)

ppps, and for those of you who did notice, yeah I changed the spelling of my name, cuz my name's Allison but no one _ever_ calls me Ally (Alli) except for my old music teacher, whom really creeps me out. I used to HATE it when people called me that, and still to this day, if someone were to call "Alli!" I won't respond. It's really only a pen name, haha. So ya, I started using it... and then I decided I liked it better spelled with an I instead of a Y. so ya. Sorry, im rambling, but im bored. My family is, well, boring.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: First off, thank you so much for the reviews! Sorry its been a while, but homework's a bitch. Also, thank you so much, Alice, for the birthday wish! You guys are awesome:) I had a great birthday! Plus, we r getting a new piano and its arriving on saturday! AND im having a sleepover tomorrow, and we r having a movie marathon. She's the man, the proposal, and valentines day! I LOVE those movies! Hehe. Okay, this chapter, I pretty much winged it. Dr. Bernstein is a complicated character, she's pretty much bi-polar. And there is another side of her you haven't seen yet, either. So yeah, this is still not the end of her. And this is the revenge chapter! Please tell me what you thought of their revenge *:-)

(see that? That was a birthday smiley:D)

Abby was very excited. Her evil plan was going to be put into action. Once Dr. Bernstein opened that door, the torture would begin...

"Wipe that sadistic grin off your face, Abs. You're scaring me." Tony chuckled. Abby frowned.

"How can you not be excited! After this, she is no doubt going to quit, and we won't have to do therapy! All will be right with the world!" she giggled, slurping at her Caf-Pow.

"How many of those have ya had today, Abs?" Gibbs asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only... 1, 2... This is my third."

"It's only 0730, Abby!" McGee objected.

"I need to by highly caffeinated if I'm going to put up with that idiot doctor for and hour and a half!" she explained, taking another huge sip. "Plus, I need to finish it before Dr. Bernstein sees it. She may think it hypocritical if I'm drinking a Caf-Pow and getting mad at her for drinking one earlier."

"Good thinking Abs. 'Cept she's going to open the door in maybe thirty seconds, so I would get rid of it now if I were you." Tony said, and grabbed it from her hands. He tossed it into a nearby trashcan.

"He shoots, _he scores_!" he laughed. Abby placed her hands on her hips.

"Tony-!" she objected, but was interrupted by the door opening.

"Welcome back, Team Gibbs!" Dr. Bernstein said cheerfully. It took nearly all of Tony's willpower not to growl at her. "C'mon in!"

They all took their usual seats in the office, in the circle. Dr. Bernstein sat at the head with a clipboard in her hands, and to her left was Ducky. To Ducky's left was Abby, then Tim, then Tony, then Gibbs. Gibbs didn't want to sit next to the doctor anymore than anyone else, but he figured that he better not put Tony next to her. He might strangle her.

"So! Do you guys have any suggestions of what to do today!" she asked, still in the annoying perky demeanor. Dr. Bernstein had gotten used to their non-responsive behavior when asked questions like this, but to her surprise, they actually answered. It was Tim who responded.

"Well, we were thinking maybe we would do some team bonding. Sharing stories, all the good times we've had together." he said. Dr. Bernstein was shocked at this, but decided to roll with it. For all she knew, they had completely forgotten about the whole Caf-Pow incident. Ziva was no doubt better by now. It hadn't been that bad in the first place.

"Okay! Whoever wants to start, may." she told them, relaxing into her seat and picking up her pen, ready to write any observations she might make.

"I'll start!" Abby offered. "Sooooo, yesterday, I found a dead squirrel in the parking lot of my apartment building. There were maggots crawling in and out of its skull, eating away at the flesh. I mean how cool is that! It reminded me of that case that we had, the one where we found the dead sailor in an abandoned restaurant, with maggots covering him and eating away at him!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that!" Tony said, smiling at Abby. She was _really_ good at this. Tony pulled out his phone, and found the picture he was looking for. "You mean this guy?" Tony asked, passing the cell phone to Gibbs, to pass to Abby. He knew that he could've passed it to McGee and it would have gotten to her a lot quicker, but he wanted it to pass through the doctor's hands.

"Eww! What are those?" the doctor exclaimed, shoving the phone at Ducky as fast as she could. Ducky chuckled.

"Those, my dear, are __._" Ducky explained, gesturing to certain parts of the picture as he exclaimed. They watched as Dr. Bernstein's face paled.

"That's so _gross_!" Dr. Bernstein exclaimed.

"Are you sure you're a doctor? You _had_ to have seen more disgusting things than this in medical school." Gibbs interrogated. He was becoming quite suspicious of her. What kind of doctor got grossed out about these things?

"_Yes,_ I'm a doctor. But I was never good with these kinds of things. Once we had to stick a human hand in a tub of acid and see what it did to it. Nearly threw up."

"Remember that case when McGee had just joined the team?" Gibbs asked.

"Oh yeah! The one where we found that guy stuck in that vat of acid! That was pretty weird." McGee remembered. He took out his phone, and pulled out a picture. "This one, Gibbs?" he asked.

When the doctor saw the picture, her stomach lurched. It was a picture of a man, deformed and slimy looking, sitting in a tub of disgusting looking acid.

"Yep. That's the one, McGee." 

"Oh, that reminds me of the time we found the body in the water supply outside that complex! That poor woman must have been terrified when she turned on her shower and blood rushed out..." Ducky recalled the time when they were after the serial killer who left behind videos.

"Oh yeah! I think I have a picture of that, one Duck-man!" Abby said, she too pulling out her phone. She brought up a crime scene picture of the woman's shower, and another of the dead guy in a pool of diluted blood. This only further creeped Dr. Bernstein out. Why in the _world_ would they still have these pictures?

"Oh, remember when we found the decapitated head in the cooler in the trunk of that guy's car?" McGee asked.

"Yeah, then we broke into that warehouse and found a whole freezer full of chopped up bodies!" Tony said, enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah! And then the time when we found the motel room covered in... skin." Abby remembered.

"And then when-" Gibbs as interrupted by the doctor getting up from her seat, and running out of the room. They all started laughing. Abby and Tim high-fived.

"Ah, we are _awesome_!" Tony exclaimed, jumping up. "That was just like-" he was about to compare it to a movie when something collided with the back of his head.

"No movie quotes, DiNozzo." Gibbs said, but he was smiling.

"Think we scared her off?" he asked. But just as he asked that, the door burst back open and she came back in, the expression on her face was furious.

"Okay, that's it! I am sick and tired of all of you _overreacting_! Ziva David is fine. So, she freaked a little! She'll be fine by tomorrow, if she isn't already! You are all insufferable. I thought maybe, _maybe,_ you had forgiven me for my little mistake. It was _little!_ There is no way she is as bad as you guys make it sound! She is physically fine! Nothing is wrong with her! She's just a little drama queen looking for attention!"

"How _dare_ you accuse her of faking it! How can you even think that she's faking it! Are you _stupid?_ Wait. Don't answer that. We all know you _are_! Because what kind of doctor doesn't know what freaking _Posttraumatic Stress Disorder_ _is?_ Where the hell did you get your degree, clown college?" Tony burst out.

"NO! And that is none of your business, Agent DiNozzo! Agent David is an attention-seeking spoiled brat! You know what I think? I think that she's so used to the attention, when the chatter about whatever the hell happened in Somalia died down, she decided she had to do something to resurrect_ it! _This Salim guy, he probably doesn't even exist! Or maybe he's an ex-boyfriend! God knows, she must have a lot of those!" Dr. Bernstein screeched. It was official, she had lost it.

Tony wasn't far off either. He was fuming. She called herself a DOCTOR? Her little psych evaluation just now had gotten everything about Ziva _wrong!_ His hand was twitching toward his knife at his belt.

Now Tony fully understood the purpose and importance of Rule #9.

Gibbs noticed this, he didn't miss anything. He, too, was ready to kill Dr. Bernstein, but he knew it would get them all fired. Tony was one of his agents, and like a son to him. Gibbs couldn't, _wouldn't,_ let that happen.

So Gibbs just left the room, swiftly, not turning back. He heard Tony follow after him, on his six.

"So, is that it, Gibbs? Your just going to walk away, not even _defend_ Ziva?" Tony shouted. Gibbs rolled his eyes. He got it, Tony was angry. He needed to get the anger out, and he was currently the only one available for that purpose.

"Relax, DiNozzo. If I said anything to her, it would end up with her on the floor, dead, and me in the brig! And possibly you too, for aiding and abetting in the murder of Dr. Justine Bernstein!" Gibbs explained over his shoulder to Tony, continuing to head to the elevator. Tony sighed, knowing Gibbs was right.

"Where ya going, boss?" Tony asked, as they entered the elevator.

"Vance's office, to file a formal complaint."

"So, just live up to that second be and annoy him until he cancels therapy or fires Bernstein."

"Well, yeah, DiNozzo. You know I don't do formal."

"If anyone knows it, it's me." Tony smirked as they stepped out of the elevator, and made a right to head up to Vance's office. "Do you think Ziva heard any of what just happened."

"Well, Tony, I sure hope not."

"Yeah, me too." he said, softly. Ziva's self-esteem had recently reached its all-time low, and she had been gradually building it up the last time he saw her. But if she heard that... Tony was afraid of what it would do to it. He was afraid it might be like a wrecking ball.

A/N: please review! They make my day, and are the best birthday present I could get! Well, that and Beats... im still waiting on those, Grandma! Hehe... okay! Review, tell me what you thought!


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: This is it... muahahaha!

Ps, is anyone else freaking out about Swan Song? Did ya know that swan song means goodbye? I'm freaking out here. Keely has managed to calm my nerves a little (IOU, KB!) but im still pretty freaked out...

Gibbs burst through the doors to Vance's office, ignoring Cynthia's objections. Tony followed after him, catching the door and apologizing to Cynthia.

"What is it, Gibbs?" Vance sighed, standing up from his desk and walking around it.

"Doctor Justine Bernstein needs to go."

"I need cause for that, Gibbs. You know that."

"How's this for cause? Gibbs took out his phone and pressed a few buttons, playing a recording.

"_Okay, that's it! I am sick and tired of all of you overreacting! Ziva David is fine. So, she freaked a little! She'll be fine by tomorrow, if she isn't already! You are all insufferable. I thought maybe, maybe, you had forgiven me for my little mistake. It was little! There is no way she is as bad as you guys make it sound! She is physically fine! Nothing is wrong with her! She's just a little drama queen looking for attention!"_

"_How dare you accuse her of faking it! How can you even think that she's faking it! Are you stupid? Wait. Don't answer that. We all know you are! Because what kind of doctor doesn't know what freaking Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is? Where the hell did you get your degree, clown college?"_

"_NO! And that is none of your business, Agent DiNozzo! Agent David is an attention-seeking spoiled brat! You know what I think? I think that she's so used to the attention, when the chatter about whatever the hell happened in Somalia died down, she decided she had to do something to resurrect it! This Salim guy, he probably doesn't even exist! Or maybe he's an ex-boyfriend! God knows, she must have a lot of those!"_

Gibbs stopped the recording, and Vance looked back to him, a shocked look on your face.

"I have two things to say to that, Gibbs. First, _when_ did you learn to use that?"

"McGee."

"Oh, that explains that. But what the _hell _happened?"

"Bernstein. Bernstein happened! She's a total ignorant _bitch, _and I don't know how the hell she got this job, but she is the worst freaking therapist I have ever seen, _Leon. _And I have seen some really sucky therapists!"

"Alright, alright! Fine! She's been nothing but a pain in my ass lately anyway. She is fired! But that does _not_ get you and your team off the hook for therapy _especially _Agent David. You got that?"

"Yeah. Yeah I got that. Thanks," Gibbs said, surprised. He and Tony walked out, Tony sending a relieved look Vance's way. He nodded his appreciation. Vance returned the gesture, then picked up the phone to call Dr. Bernstein. It was time for her to get the hell out of here.

Tony stepped out of the elevator and into the hallway that had the therapists' office off of it. He took a deep breath to calm his anger when he turned into Dr. Bernstein's office and saw Ziva and Dr. Bernstein arguing.

"You accuse me of _faking? _If you knew half of what I've been through-" Ziva was in the midst of reprimanding the doctor when Tony put a hand on her shoulder and leaned in to whisper in her ear. Tony tried to ignore how she flinched when he did so.

"Zi, Vance fired her. Just now. I know what she said, and I know how wrong it is, but believe me, Zi it's not worth it. She's not worth it," Tony said softly and calmly in her ear. He heard and felt Ziva's deep inhale and slow exhale, trying to get a hold of her emotions. It had been something she had particular trouble with since... Somalia. She had heard it, heard all of it. It really had struck home. But she turned on her heels and walked out, not looking back. Ziva knew she was the better woman for doing so.

Tony glared once more at Dr. Bernstein before he turned to follow after her, Michelle close on his heels. He smirked as he heard Dr. Bernstein's phone ring, knowing that it was Vance, who was about to break the news to her. Tony was glad Vance had pulled through for them.

"Zi? Wait up!" he called her. She stopped and turned around.

"What, Tony?" she asked, annoyed.

"Dr. Bernstein was way out of line. Nothing she said about you was true."

"I know that."

"So... you are okay, then?"

"Yes, I am fine. But I am still annoyed with her. No, not annoyed. I am... what do you say? Dissed?"

"It's pissed, Zee-VAH!" Tony corrected with a chuckle.

"Whatever. I was having a good session with Michelle before she came and... interrupted. She cleared me for the field, you know." Ziva informed him, matter-of-factly.

"Really! That's awesome, Ziva! That was quick!"

"Apparently, I am not as messed up as you think."

"We don't think you are messed up. You went through unimaginable things, you are entitled to some craziness. Most people would be a complete wreck right now."

"Tony, I know you are here to help. That is what you are doing, and believe me, your support means the world to me. But I really need to get away, right now. I think I will get some coffee." She said. He was disappointed, when she began to turn to walk away, but then she paused, and turned back, walking up to him.

And she kissed him on the cheek, just like she had once she had finally forgiven him for something he never did. Tony's face turned red, but he was grinning so wide he thought his face would crack.

"Thank you. I will be back soon, I promise. Probably before 0900." she told him, smiling back. She was barely able to turn her eyes away from his. But she did, and walked down the hall, to the elevator, and hit the button for the garage.

"Would you like cream in you coffee, Miss?" asked the lady behind the coffee shop counter. Ziva was so lost in her mind, thinking about what had happened in the past, really eventful week.

"Ma'am? She's asking you a question..." the man behind her jolted her back to reality, putting a hand on her shoulder. She started, flinching away from his touch. She looked back at him, and saw the worry in his eyes.

"Sorry?" she asked. She had missed the question.

"Would you like cream on your coffee?" the lady asked, again.

"Erm, yes." she replied, nodding to her.

"Are you okay?" the man asked.

"Um... just an eventful day, that's all." she excused.

"Do you want me to help you with your coffee?" he asked. Ziva had got the whole team coffee, even the director. She felt she owed him for firing that poor excuse for a doctor.

"Yes, that would be nice." she accepted, surprisingly. For some reason, the thought of talking to someone who didn't know what was going on with her was appealing. He took one of the coffee trays and carried it to the circular table by the window. He sat down with her.

"Thank you. If you do not mind me asking, what is your name?" she asked, taking her coffee. He sipped his.

"Robert. And you?"

"Ziva."

"You seem like you want to talk to someone about something..."

"Wow," Ziva chuckled, "I am really that easy to read, huh?"

"No, you are just acting distracted. And I will talk to you if you want."

"I just met you," Ziva pointed out.

"I know. But, I work as a psychologist at Georgetown Middle School."

"Shrinks and I do not have such a good track record." Ziva giggled darkly.

"How so?"

"Well, I got one fired, oh, let's see..." She glanced at the clock, "Fifteen minutes ago."

"You see a shrink?" he asked, intrigued.

"It is mandatory. Believe me, if it could be avoided, I would not be doing it."

"Hey, no need to get defensive."

"Sorry, I just do not really like... opening up. I was raised to see crying as a weakness. I am sorry, I should not be burdening you with my troubles. Robert was about to object, when the shrill cry of Ziva's phone cried out. She pulled it out and saw McGee's caller ID on the screen. She rolled her eyes.

"I am sorry, I must take this. I do not know if it is important or not. I do not want to risk it. My boss might need me." Robert nodded his consent, taking another sip of coffee.

"What is it, McGee?" she answered.

"_I know Tony said you needed to be alone, but really, this could not wait. I think you would want to know as soon as we found out, Tony was worried if you found out any later you would rip our heads off for not telling you." _

"Tell me what, exactly, Tim?" she asked, her brows knitting together. She heard him take deep breath.

"_Ziva, your father is coming to America."_

"He _what?_" she asked, hoping she heard him wrong.

"_He has a conference here, in D.C. His plane lands tomorrow, at 1200. We have been assigned as his protection detail, they thought having his daughter there might serve as a good way to, um, _liaise_, between NCIS and your father, like the old days." _Ziva chuckled without humor.

"This is just like him! Drop in on my life unannounced!"

"_Ziva..." _McGee said in a warning voice. He heard a rampage coming on.

"I do not know what kind of game he is playing, McGee. He calls me his _daughter? _I severed all ties to that bastard when I sent him my resignation!"

"_Ziva, there was nothing we could do. Your father insis-"_

"Father! HA! He's not a father! What kind of father sends their daughter on a suicide mission and just leaves them in the desert to _die?"_

"_Ziva, your father's a bastard. An egotistical, controlling, bastard but we have no choice."_

"I know, McGee. I just wish we did."

"_I know. This is crappy timing. I mean, why _now?_ After everything..." _

"You know I am fine, right, McGee?"

"_Ziva, you are not fine. You don't just come out of that _'fine'. _Trust me."_

"When does he leave, McGee?" she asks, hoping to change the subject.

"_In three days. I will brief you on the rest once you get back, but until then... this is not a secure line."_

"I understand, McGee. Thank you."

"_I'm really sorry about this, Ziva." _

"It is not your fault, Tim. It is that bastard that calls himself a father's fault. I am glad you told me. Really. Thank you."

"_Anytime, Ziva. When will you be back?"_

"Give me another... half hour?"

"_Sounds fine. See ya then." _McGee said goodbye, and hung up.

"Your boss?" Robert asked.

"Um, no. That was my co-worker..."

"I couldn't help but overhear... suicide mission?"

"Erm, yeah. My jerk of a father thought..." Ziva began to explain when suddenly, she heard the screeching of tires. A dark, black van pulled up, and three masked me with guns jumped out. As if on autopilot, Ziva grabbed her SIG from its holster at the small of her back.

"EVERYBODY DOWN!" she shouted. There was screaming as the three men advanced on Ziva. She shot three rounds, two of which hit their intended targets. One fell to the ground, dead, but the other just cussed and grabbed his arm. Damn it, Ziva thought. She fired again, but realized that she was out of bullets. She went to grab her knife, but the uninjured man lunged at her, pressing a rag to her face. A sickly sweet scent filled her nostrils, and she tried not to breathe, but her body was yearning for oxygen.

Then the world around her went black.

A/N: CLIFFIE! If ya want more anytime soon, I strongly suggest pressing that little button down there -_- hehe:)


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: I forgot to mention, in order for this to work, we have to completely disregard enemies domestic and enemies foreign. Just so you know. Cuz this whole Eli thing will probably be very similar to the conditions he came under during those two episodes:)

disclaimer: haven't posted one of these in a while. I know u know I dont own it. You are not stupid.

(unless I am actually Don Bellisario in disguise... MUAHAHA! Lol have u ever wondered if the NCIS writers read FF? I doubt they have time, but what if they did... haha I wonder if they think any of this stuff is good. Hmmm. Thats something to ponder...)

It was almost noon, and Ziva wasn't back yet. Although he knew that she could take care of herself, Tony was worried sick. McGee had called her a couple hours ago, she said she'd be home in a half hour. But it was approaching two and her absence was nerve-wracking. He wondered how she was handling the news about her father. From what Tony had heard of their conversation, it wasn't all that good. But who could blame her? Her father had left her to die at the hands of sadistic terrorists. Then those traumatic events had been resurfaced. She had struggled with them, and just when it started to look like she was going to come out on top, her father had to come and ruin it.

He was unable to take not knowing anymore. She could be in need of moral support, the moral support he was always there to provide her. He picked up his phone, and hit speed dial one. He heard the dial tone, and it rang.

And it rang, and rang, and rang.

Tony was panicking, now. The reasonable side of his brain knew that she simply could have turned it off, not wanting to be found or to talk to anybody. But he had this... gut feeling, that not all was right. He tried to think back to the last time this had happened. The last time she hadn't picked up her phone was...

Oh god. Somalia.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself. Trying to calm his frayed nerves. He focused on breathing slowly. In, and out. In, and out. Suddenly, he was interrupted by Gibbs' phone ringing.

Hoping, no _praying,_ that it was Ziva, he walked over to pick it up.

"Special Agent Gibbs' desk. This is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," he aswered. McGee looked up from his computer screen when he heard Tony answer Gibbs' phone. Normally, they had to fight about who had to answer it, until Tony pulled rank and made McGee answer it. But no, Tony just confidently walked over and picked it up. But _that_ alone wasn't what worried Tim. Tony had said "Special Agent." Not "Very Special Agent." Seeing the serious and slightly panicked look on the senior field agent's face was enough of an answer for McGee.

He was worried about Ziva.

Tim was too. Tim was actually worried out of his mind. She had sounded so... scared on the phone, dare he think it. Ziva didn't get scared. But her voice had this quavering tone in it, that told McGee otherwise. Then Tim noticed the look on Tony's face turn form worry, to confusion, to utter horror and sheer panic.

"Yes," Tony replied to whatever the person on the phone had said. His voice cracked, "Yes, we will be right there." he put the phone down and drew a long breath, and put his hand on the table to support.

"What is it?" McGee asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"A coffee shop was attacked this morning. Witnesses say a black van pulled up, and three masked men got out. They had guns. A woman took out hers, fired off a couple of rounds, hitting two of the men. One lived, the other didn't. The woman was drugged. One dragged her out to the car and the other dragged out the body of the dead guy that the woman shot, keeping everybody in the shop from attacking by brandishing his gun at them. They put her in the van and screeched off."

"Ziva was at a coffee shop..." McGee realized, horrified. But then denial settled in. "No, Tony. It might not have been her. Ziva would have put up a better fight. She wouldn't have missed killing that one guy. She wouldn't have let them take her."

"That's not all, Tim," McGee's eyes widened when Tony used his first name, "They found Ziva's badge and gun at the crime scene. So far, no one has come to claim them." Tony explained, staring at nothing in particular. The news hadn't particularly settled in yet.

"Oh god. Ziva! We have to get Gibbs, go down to the coffee shop, see if one of the witnesses can make a positive ID."

"I know. I am calling Gibbs now." Tony said, pulling out his cell phone.

"_Gibbs._"

"Boss... there was an... incident at a coffee shop. The one Ziva was at." Tony explained the rest to his boss. He heard an angry growl from the other end of the line.

"_Gas the truck, DiNozzo. I'll meet you in the garage._"

Ziva couldn't feel her body. She couldn't move her legs, her arms, her head... She couldn't even find the muscles to open up her eyes. But she could still hear.

"...to HQ. Boss said that he has 'special plans' for her." she head a voice, distinctively male, say.

"When did Boss find out about this?"

"A while ago. It has been planned for at least a few months. Of course, NCIS just got wind of it yesterday."

"Are you sure she knows, then?"

"Of course she knows." The man said, his voice indicating that he had no interest to carry on the conversation. This conversation made Ziva very nervous, and desperate to get out. She remembered everything with perfect clarity, until after the rag had been shoved in her face. She must have lost consciousness.

Suddenly, she went flying up in the air, and landed with an _oomf_ back on the surface she had previously been lying on. That seemed to stimulate her nervous system, and she was able to move and feel her body again. Her eyelids jolted open.

A van. She was in the back of a moving van. Luckily for her, her captors were in the front and had not heard her awaken. She quickly assessed her situation.

She was bound. Her hands were tied behind her back using what seemed to be Zip-tie. Her feet were bound with Zip-tie as well, and there was a ball gag in her mouth. She could tell without looking that they had confiscated all of her weapons. The thought of them searching, touching her, while she was out cold and defenseless, made her shudder.

Then, without any warning at all, it became bumpy again. Insanely bumpy. She was being tossed around the trunk as the van bounced up and down on the uneven ground. Then, as if it couldn't get any worse, the Zip-tie that bound her hands got caught on a hook on the side of the van. As the van bumped up again, she was barely able to stifle her cry as sudden and unexpected pain shot up her arm.

Then, thank god, the van stopped. Of course, it did so suddenly, and she went flying backwards, only to find that the Zip-tie was still caught, and as she hit the trunk door she knew that her left shoulder was dislocated.

The doors of the van opened and shut, and she heard the crunch of the gravel as her captors walked around to the back of the van. The doors opened, and she blinked against the harsh light. She heard their cruel and jeering laughs as they grabbed her and threw her onto the gravel.

The proceeded to drag her towards an old abandoned warehouse. They opened the door, and dragged her down a long hallway to a room at the end. The hallway had pipes running along the ceiling. The door at the end of the hallway was in great contrast to the rest of the run down place, it was made of stainless steel. They opened it, and threw her into the room, landing her on her injured shoulder. She shut her eyes, trying to block out the pain.

The man cut the ties securing her ankles together with his pocket knife, cutting her ankles shallowly in the process. She resisted the urge to spin and grab the knife and stab him. She was bound, and he had back up.

He picked up a heavy chain, with a shackle on one end and a lock on the other. He took the side with the shackle and secured it to her leg, and locked the other end of it into a small metal loop secured to the floor. She knew it was pointless to fight at this point. She was drugged, and injured. Even with her training, there was no way she would get out right now. She was trying to stay calm, to not relate this to Somalia. But the similarities were glaring. The look in the man's eyes reminded her of Salim's henchmen. That sadistic pleasure as he kicked her in the ribs. How his eyes lightened upon hearing her gasp. How he seemed unable to tear his eyes away from her and walk away, out the heavy metal door. But he did, and he left her alone with her thoughts, with that mental anguish that was sure to consume her while she was here.

She had been certain she would die in Somalia. She was resigned to her fate. But she had been given a second chance, a new life. Her team had saved her.

But now? She had used up her chances. She was going to die here.

Tony was sure he had never seen Gibbs drive this fast. He wove in and out of traffic like a pro NASCAR driver, earning an orchestra of car horns. But it did not matter. They needed to get to this crime scene.

They were still holding onto hope that the captured woman was not Ziva, but that hope was gradually fading. All of the clues added up.

They just needed to confirm it. So that there was no doubt.

The van pulled up to the coffee shop, and Gibbs, McGee, and Tony made their way through the crowds and past the barricades, meeting a metro cop in the doorway.

"You NCIS?" the young man asked, with a slight southern accent. The Agents simultaneously pointed to their hats, rolling their eyes.

"We need to question your witnesses. Make sure that there has not been a mistake."

"Alrigh', sir. Do as ya need ta." he replied, and walked away. The team took a deep breath, and entered the shop. They saw the blood on the floor, and the bullet holes in the glass. Reassuring himself that the blood was not Ziva's he walked over to another metro cop.

"We need to see the evidence that led you to believe that our agent was the woman who was kidnapped." Gibbs stated. The metro cop turned.

"Yes, right this way." he said, and led them over to the counter.

Inside two evidence bags were Ziva's badge and her gun.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, willing it all to go away.

"I need to question a witness. Who should I start with?" Tony asked, when he regained his composture.

"Tony, let me handle questioning. In the mean time, look around for anything they might've missed. You too, Tim." Gibbs directed. Normally, McGee would have been glad that he had been called by his first name twice that day, and not "McGeek," or "Probie," or "McGoogle." But this was so unlike them. When Gibbs called McGee "Tim," it meant he was trying to be, well, nice. To calm him, keep him from worrying.

Gibbs only did this if there was something _to _be worried about.

The two agents nodded, and went to scour the shop for something helpful. Gibbs turned back to the metro cop.

"Alright. Who first?"

"I would start with him, over there," the officer suggested, "He was with her when it happened."

"_With _her?"

"That's what he said." the officer said, and walked away. Gibbs approached the man.

"Hello. I'm Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS."

"NCIS?"

"Naval Criminal Investigative Service."

"Yeah, I knew what it meant. But I don't know why NCIS is here... what does this have to do with the navy?" 

"Our agent may have been the woman who was kidnapped."

"I am sorry... I am Robert. Robert Kelli." the man said, extending his arm to shake Gibbs hand. Gibbs took it.

"I need you to identify the woman who was kidnapped. Is this her?" Gibbs asked, pulling out his phone. His background on his phone was one that Abby had set for him, and he hand't been able to figure out how to change it back. It was a picture of the team at Ducky's house during thanksgiving. Gibbs pointed to the woman on the left.

"Yeah, that's the woman who was abducted. We talked for a while. She said her name was... Zeba? No, that's not right. Ziva, maybe?"

"Dammit!" Gibbs cursed, throwing his phone at the wall. He couldn't lose another daughter. First Kelly, then he almost lost Ziva, and now he was _this close_ to losing her again!

"Boss?" Tony asked, looking up from the table he was inspecting. The look in Gibbs eyes told the young agent all he needed to know.

"It was her, wasn't it?" Tony asked softly, walking up to Gibbs. Gibbs nodded.

"NO!" Tony shouted, "This _can't _be happening to her! Not again, I can't lose her again! She was just getting over what Salim had done..." Tony moaned, sliding down against the wall. He couldn't stand anymore. The pain was just too much. McGee walked over and put a hand on his shoulder.

"We'll find her, Tony," Tim reassured him.

"HOW CAN YOU KNOW THAT?" Tony cried, switching from denial to anger.

"I just _do!_ Gibbs would call it a gut feeling. We will not give up until we find her, dead or alive."

"Let's just hope that it's alive. I don't think I can lose her again." Tony mumbled and leaned his head against the wall, trying to regain his calm. Ziva needed him calm. She needed him calm.

She needed him to find her, to save her, just like last time.

She was counting on him. Her life was in his hands.

A/N: I really wanna know what you guys think of this chapter! Also, I want to u to know that the next few chapters will contain a lot of torturing ziva. Sadly. I think it will physically hurt me to write it... Press the button and tell me what's going through your head right now!


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: okay, so if you dont wanna read about tortured Ziva I would strongly suggest you only read the Tony part and then skip down to the authors not below and read the summary of the Ziva parts which I created for you guys. Sorry it took so long for an update! It's hard to bring myself to Hurt Ziva...

She was jerked out of her slumber by a steel-toed boot colliding with her abdomen. At first, her mind jumped to Somalia. She was back there. She was absolutely sure this wasn't a dream.

Well, she was right about one thing. This wasn't a dream. But she was wrong about Somalia. She wasn't in Africa, but in the U.S.

However, she had a feeling this was just as bad.

Trying not to panic, her eyes fluttered open and she gave the figure looming over her a look of defiance. Another kick, this time harder, and to her ribs.

She could've sworn she heard something crack. It was a sound she was accustomed to, however sickening that might be. The sound of her own bones snapping was something she had become familiar with.

Ziva was not going to give them any satisfaction at all. She would not ask what they want. She would find out soon enough. She would not cry, scream, or whimper. She most definitely would not beg.

And never, ever, would she tell them anything. They would not get the satisfaction of knowing they had won. If she was going to die, it might as well be with her pride intact.

Well, what was left of it.

Besides, if it was information they were after, giving it up would do three things. One, they would have won. They would have broken her. Two, the information given would be used against her, or against someone she loved. Maybe against her country. Three, she would be killed. She would have fulfilled her sole purpose in their eyes. She would be disposed of.

Now, if she DIDN'T talk, her country and family would be safe, she would have still won, and she would live longer, giving Tony a better chance of finding her alive.

That is, if he was looking.

Not talking would be painful, and long. But she could handle it, she knew she could.

"Tell me. Do you know why you are here?" the man sneered. He grabbed her hair, yanking yer head back to look at him. If her hands weren't still bound tightly behind her back, he wouldn't stand a chance after pulling something like that. But it was all Ziva could to not to flash back.

_You are not in Somalia. You need to focus on the problem at hand. Stay in the present. No trip down memory lane tonight, Ziva,_ she chastised herself.

She stayed silent. She wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of an answer. She averted her eyes.

He hit her across the face.

"Look at me, bitch!" he ordered, angrily. She refused.

"Looks like she's a feisty one," Ziva heard a husky voice from the corner say. She looked quickly, noticing that it was two of the men that kidnapped her, the driver and the man who she hadn't managed to get a round into. One was burly, he was obviously the one who spoke. The other was shorter, lankier, but she had a feeling not to judge him by his cover. There was a malicious glint in his eye, that triggered her desire to run.

"Well, if that's how it's going to be..." the man who stood over her said ominously. he cackled, and turned to leave.

"Maybe you two could... Loosen her tongue a little," he sneered, talking to the two men in the corner. The man who was obviously the boss left through the metal door, leaving her in a small, dark room with two men who had a sadistic look in their eyes. She knew that look. That was the look Salim got in his eyes before he...

She shut her eyes tightly and fortified her walls, and prepared herself to block it all out. She was not looking forward to this at all.

...

How did they expect him to sleep? He had been lying here for at least a half an hour trying to fall asleep. All he can think about is her. It doesn't help that the last time he slept here, on Abby's futon, he was with her. Now her absence was even more pronounced.

Ziva was missing. Alone, probably in pain, and, although he knew she would never admit it, most likely terrified.

And there was nothing he could do about it except find her.

How was he expected to just lie here doing nothing productive while some bastard does things to his partner that he really doesn't want to think about?

He can't. He just can't.

McGee had been able to follow the black van as far as the city limits using traffic cameras, but when the traffic cameras became less frequent they lost it. The cameras were never good enough for a plate. The kidnappers left no fingerprints. The blood of the two men Ziva shot had yielded to match in the database.

They couldn't help but feel defeated. They had tried everything. They went through Ziva's cellphone records, followed her paper trail.

And they had come up empty.

Which made Tony feel empty.

He lept up, and walked out of the lab. He couldn't take it anymore. Ziva was counting on him to save her, and he was just lying here doing nothing.

It was time to get to work. Tony would not stop, not even to eat, until she was back in his arms again, safe and sound.

...

They left, leaving Ziva in a crumpled heap on the floor. She was naked and covered in blood, everything hurt. Bruises were beginning to form on almost every inch of her body.

And the pain would not cease.

She was familiar with this situation. She had lived three months like this.

She hadn't given then the pleasure of screaming, even when they violated her. She hadn't told them anything. She hadn't fought, either. Fighting did no good in these situations, it only made them angrier.

Sighing, she lie down on her back, ignoring the pain. She shut her eyes and let sleep take her.

...

Her eyes felt like they had just shut when she was woken up again. It wasn't the two men who had beat her up earlier, but the man who seemed to be in charge. She hadn't really gotten a good look at him before, and now she could see him well.

He had shoulder-length dark hair, and eyes as black as the night and unforgiving as the devil. They glinted with satisfaction when he took in her battered, bruised, and bloody form. He was well built, a little taller than Gibbs, but fit like Damon Werth. He radiated control.

"Are you ready to obey, now?" he asked, crouching down by her weak form.

She spat in his face.

He just laughed and wiped it off.

"Well, well, well, Miss David. You ARE a fighter! But don't worry, we will get rid of that in time."

"What is it you want, you bastard," she growled, but her voice was cracked and hoarse.

"Information," he said, stroking her cheek. She averted her gaze, "Look at me." he ordered.

And she looked, knowing her disobedience would be futile.

"Very good."

"Who are you? Mossad? Did my father order this?" she asked, outraged, realizing what a realistic possibility that was.

"Oh no, my dear Ziva. Quite the contrary. It is about him that I need information," he chuckled without humor. And she shut her eyes, breathing slowly. Her father had not ordered it.

But it was still his fault she was here.

She couldn't give them the information. Not because she didn't want her father to die, but because she knew that whoever was guarding him would probably share the same fate.

But also, as much as she hated her father, she could not sentence him to die.

So she opened her eyes, with her new resolve steady, and looked her captor in the eye.

"I will never tell you anything," she said defiantly. He growled and struck her across the cheek.

"I thought you would have learned by now, Ziva. Are you ready for round two?" he purred, caressing her face where he had just hit her.

She shut her eyes tight, and prayed that Tony would find her soon. She had survived this once, she didn't think she could do it again.

A/N: Ziva wakes up to a guy she has never met standing over her. She refuses to obey him and so she gets beat up by two of the kidnappers, she falls asleep, she wakes up, the guy she hadnt met was standing over her. He tells her that the reason she was here was to give them info on Eli, and his trip to America.

Please review! I hope it wasn't too terrible! It hurt to write this, but the next chapters will be much more painful than this. Just so ya know. Please tell me what u think!:)

Alli


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: ok so I know I said Eli was arriving "tomorrow" but I changed it so that he arrived three days after Ziva is told. Sorry bout that. Also, I AM FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE NEXT EPISODE! OMG IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING! And this chapter is dedicated to poor, poor mike franks:(

"You told me she was a wimp, Amina!" shouted the man, furious. He struck the woman across the face.

"I'm sorry, Sir! It seemed like she was, she kept having panic attacks, fainting..."

"Your cover was a therapist! I would have thought you would have been able to read people a little better! Me and my men have tortured her and she has not broken!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie! I'll do better next time, i promise!"

"There won't be a next time, Amina." the man said, almost regretfully.

Then he pulled out a gun and shot the blonde woman in the head.

_Three days later_

Tony was about ready to punch off Eli David's head. He had only been here for about four hours but he was completely insufferable!

He pretended like he cared about Ziva. He pretended to be worried, but he did nothing to help find her. They hadn't made any progress on Ziva's case since she disappeared. All of their leads were dead ends. They had absolutely no idea where she was, and Tony's hope was gradually disintegrating. He missed her so much. He can barely function. He hadn't felt this way since Gibbs told them the Damocles had gone down and no one had survived.

His heart hurt, it ached to hold her. Not knowing what happened to her was the worst feeling in the world.

He had barely said a word for the past few days. He had made no movie references since he found out she was missing. He had barely eaten anything. It was all he could to to keep himself from exploding at Eli for everything he had done to Ziva. For not caring about her, throwing her away, using her as a pawn.

It was his fault she had come back to them damaged, his fault she had suffered from all of those panic attacks.

They hadn't been forced to attend therapy since Ziva disappeared. Vance wasn't that cruel.

And all of a sudden, sitting in the abandoned squadroom at 1700 with his head in his hands, he realized that he needed to save her. He needed to take the responsibility. He needed to go to every length he could, talk to all his contacts, do everything possible to bring his Ziva back. Even if it was illegal.

The ends would justify the means.

His head snapped up, and he started typing as he realized this. He would do anything. Absolutely anything.

It was a little while before the idea hit him, and when it did, it was like a meteor.

ATMs. They had cameras! The traffic cameras hadnt been able to get a plate number, but maybe, just maybe, the ATM camera could...

He started typing furiously, faster than he even knew he could type. He pulled up a few of the ATM cameras on the streets they knew the van had taken and set them all to the time of the kidnapping.

The first few cameras showed something that made his heart sink.

No plates. The van had no plates!

He groaned. So much for his plan.

And then he noticed it. The driver had been foolish enough to look out the window! They had a face...

Smiling, he cropped the image and sent it to Abby, and got up to go tell her. They were going to catch this bastard.

...

She wasn't there. Abby wasn't in her lab! Tony sighed and kicked the doorway. This could not wait! Ziva's life could hang in the balance...

He knew that Abby would likely kill him for this. But if it found Ziva, he didn't really give a crap.

He opened her email and opened the email from Tony DiNozzo. He had seen Abby do this so many times he was sure he could do it. He clicked on an icon on her desktop he had seen her do many times and dragged the picture to the empty space and searched it through the facial recognition software.

He sat back and let Abby's babies work their magic.

Not too long after, he heard a ding. Leaping up from his chair, he went over to the computer and found himself staring face to face with a mugshot of a guy named Max Griffin. Arrested for assault five years ago. Clicking his name, Tony found that the man's credit record popped up.

That was it. A cell phone. He found the number, and, fortunately, there was a button that automatically traced the cell phone.

Highland County, Virginia. That must be it! It's a completely rural area... That has to be where she is! Erasing the search, he ran out of Abby's lab. He punched the button on the elevator, but it was taking too long so he took the stairs, two at a time.

Arriving in the squadroom, he left a note for Gibbs, who was in MTAC with Eli David. Remembering tha Abby and McGee went to grab dinner, he left on his own.

He was going to save his Ziva.

...

The pain was so great. By now, she had given up all hope. She didn't know how long it has been. How many days has she been subjected to this torture? She had no idea. Maybe it had been weeks. However long it was, she knew that if they were going to find her, they would have done it by now.

This is the end.

It's all over for her.

They had demanded that she tell them what her father's plans were for his time in America. But she told them nothing. She didn't even know that much! She knew the basics, but that was it. That was as much as McGee had told her over the phone. Even if she knew... She wouldn't tell them. She would't give them the satisfaction of knowing they had broken her.

Then the door opened again and she prepared herself for the pain.

"Ziva!" she heard a cry. Her head snapped up and her eyes grew wide as she took in the figure being forced into the room. His body was thrown onto the ground in front of her.

He had come for her, by some miracle. It would all be okay.

"Tony," she whispered, her eyes full of wonder. He took her into his arms and cradled her broken, naked, and shivering body.

He was really here.

But then she realized the catch. He was a prisoner, too.

"Since you weren't talking, I decided to bring in someone who would." The Boss (as Ziva had secretly dubbed him) explained.

"I am NEVER going to tell you bastards anything." Tony stated with a defiant glare.

"Then I think you need some motivation. You won't talk if I hurt your body, neither one of you will. But my spy says you two have an tight bond. I guarantee that you will tell me all you want to know, Tony, if I threaten her." he smirked, knowing he was right. "Now, you have two options. One, you tell me everything I want to know about Eli David's trip to America..." Tony growled as he realized what these people wanted. "OR you watch as I torture her, as I make her scream. Your choice."

Tony looked from the man standing over him to the shaking and bloody woman in his lap. He was being asked to make an impossible decision.

A/N: please review! I need to know what u guys think about the revelation in the beginning of the chapter and the turn of events At the end! And don't worry, we will find out what we missed with tony in the next chapter!


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: I have gotten some reviews lately defending Tim. Saying how being called McGee never bothered him before. The reason he insisted on being called McGee was cuz he was in on their therapy plan. It was part of the plan. And I know that he is really mature; more mature than i make him seem. But in my eyes he'll always be the Probie, ya know? Sorry if I offended anyone. I love McGee. So yah. And this will most likely be the last chapter of the weekend cuz I'm going someone without wifi for the weekend. I'll write but I won't be able to post. Sorry! So tell me What ya thought

He drove faster than he had ever driven in his life, arriving at the coordinates of Griffin's phone. It was an old warehouse, set aside from the nearest town by a very long and windy dirt road.

He slowed down when the warehouse came into view, knowing he didn't want to spook whoever was inside. He turned off the engine, and got out of the car. The gravel crunched under his feet as he approached the door. This was so stupid. He was going in without backup, probably outnumbered...

It was all for Ziva.

Taking a deep breath, he flung the door open (surprised to find it wasn't locked) and ran in, gun drawn.

Before he even had time to look around, something struck him on the back of the head, making him fall. His gun was torn from his grasp and he was restrained by two quite strong men. One was obviously Max Griffin. Another was with them, he looked like the boss.

They confiscated all his weapons and his cell phone and badge. They dragged him down a hall, to a room with a steel door. The door was opened, and he was taken in. It wasn't a small room, but it wasn't all that large, either. It had brick walls with a metal room divider in the corner, concealing a corner of the room on the other side from the door. There was a single light dangling from the ceiling giving off a little light. To his left was a long table covered in stuff that Tony didn't really have the energy to identify.

Because he was focused on the center of the room.

She looked like hell. She had looked better after Somalia! Honestly, Tony had thought that she looked pretty good after Somalia, she had mostly healed before they found her. He would never know what she had looked like during the first month, and that was fine with him.

But he was pretty sure that what he was seeing now wasn't far off.

She lay a crumpled heap on the ground. She was naked, but covered in blood and bruises. Her arm lay at an awkward angle at her side. He could see her ribs a little, and he had a feeling they had not fed her.

But her eyes were the worst part. They held pain and suffering he had never seen in them before. A silent plea for help.

They widened in recognition, and Tony saw something that hadn't been there a second before.

Hope.

That tiny little flicker of life in her eyes assured him that she wasn't too far gone to be fixed. But they needed to deal with their current situation first.

"Tony," came her voice. It was cracked and hoarse, she was barely able to choke out those two syllables.

He broke free of his captors and stumbled towards her, taking her weak form into his arms. Never mind the fact that she was completely exposed. He had seen her naked before. He rocked her back and forth, savoring every moment.

And then the boss-man spoke.

He spoke of Tony's worst nightmare.

He knew of Eli's plans, because he was part of the protection detail. He had the answers the man wanted. But he couldn't give them. He would take all the torture the man could dish out... But then he threatened Ziva and Tony didn't know if he would be able to keep his mouth shut.

"... Your choice" the man finished. Tony looked at the man, then at her. He was torn. He couldn't sit by and watch Ziva be hurt if he had the power to stop it. His eyes began to tear up.

"Tony, do not tell him. I will be fine, I promise." she whispered.

"Ziva... I can't..." his voice was pained.

"You must. Ignore what will happen to me. I can take it." she insisted, trying to put on her brave face. It was hard when her face hurt so much.

"Ziva, he's going to hurt you..."

"I know. Please, forget about me. Do not tell him anything. I will be fine, Tony."

"Ziva, I can't handle your pain, you know that!"

"And so does he. He's trying to play us. Please, just ignore me..."

"Ziva, you will hate me!"

"I could never hate you," she whispered to him, and used her good arm to stroke his cheek.

"You will."

"No, I won't. None of this is your fault. I can take the pain, Tony. Please, just promise me you will not tell them anything. No matter how much I scream? No matter how bad it looks? Just promise me you will remember me telling you this. No matter what, even if I plead with you to tell them, you will ignore the pleas and stay quiet. Promise me?" she whispered. Tony was about to refuse, but he saw the look in her eyes. Determination. She was truly willing to do this. She would get her way no matter what. And he was afraid if he didn't promise her this, her already fragile heart would shatter. He needed to respect her wishes.

So he leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"I promise." he whispered. She smiled as much as her bruised face would allow.

"Thank you," she whispered.

And that was all they were able to say before she was ripped from his grasp.

Tony prayed that Gibbs had found the note and was on his way.

...

"You seen DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he entered the squad room. It was only occupied by McGee at the moment.

"Nope. Haven't seen him since Abby and I went to go get dinner." Tim replied.

"Where are all my case files?" Gibbs asked furiously as he arrived at his desk. There was nothing on it.

"The cleaning crew came by and was cleaning up your around your desk when a pile of case files fell on the floor. They picked them back up and put them in a drawer with your others.

"Stupid cleaning crew," Gibbs mumbled to himself as he sat back at his clear desk.

A/N: No note! Uh oh... I'm evil:) I might decide to post the Next chapter right away cuz this was short. But the next one would be too. Please review! I haven't been getting as many lately...


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: There are probably a lot of inconsistencies in this story, mostly because my plan for it keeps changing. Sometimes I forget that i've already told you something and then I change it later thinking "oh well i'm the only one who ever knew that idea existed" you know?

Tony squeezed his eyes shut as the Boss raised his hand to deliver the first blow to Ziva's swollen face. He wished he could shut his ears as he heard the sickening sound of a fist hitting Ziva's skin.

He could've sworn he heard a faint crack.

His hands were tied with rope behind his back. He could easily escape the bonds, but he was also being restrained by Max and the big guy. He thought he heard Max refer to him as Bruce. Well, the name fit.

He heard the sound again, and flinched.

"Come on, Mr. DiNozzo! You are missing all the fun! Open your eyes before I make my men open them for you!" came the voice that Tony had come to despise. Knowing refusal would be idiotic, he opened his eyes and looked to Ziva. The Boss was holding her by the hair, forcing her to look into Tony's eyes.

Tony had a feeling this was for his benefit.

"That's good, Tony. Thank you for joining us." he smirked evilly, and turned back around and hit Ziva again, this time in the ribs. She could not stop the gasp that escaped her mouth at the unexpected blow. Her eyes watered a little.

It felt like the blow hit his heart.

He couldn't take this. He couldn't just sit here.

"Don't touch her, you bastard!" Tony practically screamed, outraged. Her fought against the arms holding him back with all he had.

Which, unfortunately, was not a lot right now.

The man smiled his cruel smile again.

"And what are you going to do about it? You can't save her. She is entirely at my mercy. I will do whatever I want to her, and you will watch."

"You can't do this."

"Now, I don't remember asking your opinion, Tony. for that she must be punished. I suggest choosing your words wisely in the future," he said, and turned around to strike her again. She bit her lip.

"Ziva I can't do this!" he yelled, struggling harder.

"You have to, Tony. I will be fine," she tried to sound reassuring, but there was so much blood in her mouth it came out soft and gargled.

"There is a simple way to end all this. Just tell me where Eli David is staying and what his schedule is."

"I can't do that," Tony said in a pained voice, looking to Ziva.

"Then prepare to watch her suffer," he grinned, and grabbed something off the table to Tony's left. He lifted it to the light and it threw a beam of light into Tony's face.

A knife.

...

"Where the HELL is DiNozzo?" Gibbs growled. It was nearly 2000.

"Still haven't seen him, Boss. I called him a little while ago but it went to voicemail. You want me track his phone?" Tim asked, pulling up his tracking software.

"Yeah. I'm getting worried,"

"Okay... Dammit. It's turned off!"

"Since when does DiNozzo turn off his phone?"

"I don't know. There is something hinky going on here," McGee replied.

"You been spending too much time around Abby, MAGee?" Gibbs asked with a raised eyebrow. Tim chuckled.

"No credit card action since this morning."

"Try calling his home phone."

"I did. No answer there either."

"Rule number 3, Tim."

"Never be unreachable. Do you think the people who have Ziva got Tony too?" McGee asked, praying that that wasn't the case.

"I sure hope not. Find him," Gibbs said, walking out of the bull-pen. He had two very pissed Directors to discuss this with.

A/N: that was short I know, but so was the last chapter which I uploaded two seconds ago. This is my little treat to you. Have a great weekend!


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: I think some people ignored what I said about inconsistencies... Oh well. Also, if anything seems unrealistic then sorry, but it's the best I can do to make the plot work. Sooooo if I have a problem with it... It's simple don't read.

(incase u havent noticed, I don't take constructive criticism very well. I have this overwhelming urge to tell people why I did what I did, cuz everything I do has a reason. So sorry if that seemed a little... Bitchy. I am only venting.)

She was in so much pain, but all she could think about was Tony. He was across from her, watching with wide, pained, and horrified eyes as the Boss ran the knife along her arm, creating a shallow cut. It wasn't large enough to need stitches, but it hurt like hell. But she refused to cry out when he tore open her skin, for Tony's sake. She knew this was killing him more than it was her, and it would not make it any easier if he heard her pain, too.

The man had been at it for at least an hour now. Her body was decorated in splotches of black and blue, and angry red lines with blood flowing from some. She was practically swimming in the pool of blood below her. Her left arm hung at an unnatural angle at her side. He still had her by her hair, and she was on her knees.

Tears were pouring freely from Tony's eyes at this point. She had never seen him cry before, and this was worse than she would have ever imagined.

Because it was her fault. Well, not necessarily her fault, per sé, but he was feeling this pain by watching her.

Not too soon later, the boss seemed to get bored. Not to mention frustrated at lack of response.

"Damn it! Scream, woman," he yelled, and unexpectedly thrust the knife into her left shoulder, the injured one, missing bone but still very painful. Ziva, caught by surprise, felt the white-hot pain and screamed. She swore she never would, but she did. It just hurt so MUCH...

Tony's heart broken when he heard the sound. She was in pain, terrible, terrible agony, and he was just sitting there crying. Doing nothing.

"Please!" Tony begged. He BEGGED. He had never resorted to begging before, it was a serious blow to his pride, but this was Ziva being tortured right in front of his eyes. He HAD to do something to keep this from happening! Anything but give up information, because that was what the man wanted.

"You know how to make me stop, Agent DiNozzo," he pointed out, cruelly. Tony looked to Ziva. She was breathing heavily and shaking uncontrollably, but she managed to shake her head no. Tony knew that he could not go against her wishes. He marveled at the fact that she wasn't begging him to tell them everything. She was taking all this pain for a man who had abandoned her. She truly was selfless.

"I... I can't." Tony whispered.

"Then you know the consequences."

"At least tell me who you are!" Tony insisted.

"Fine. I am Aazim al'Javeed."

"Arabic name." Tony observed.

"Very good."

"What happened to your accent?" Tony asked. He needed to keep the man's attention off of Ziva for as long as possible.

"I was born here."

"Why do you want to take out Director David?"

"I was hired by Hamas to... Eliminate him."

"So you guys are like, a hit squad?"

"Basically." he pointed to Griffin who was still holding Tony back, "That is Max," he pointed to the other man, the beefy one, helping Max restrain him, "And that is Bruce. I recruited them for this mission. There is one more, he is called James. There used to be another, but I killed her a few days ago."

"Her?" Tony asked, intrigued.

"Oh yes. She thought she was my girlfriend. She actually fell for the act." Aazim chuckled. Bruce and Max laughed. There was obviously something they weren't getting.

"Anyway, I think I have told you more than enough," Aazim said, an suddenly his voice turned hostile and menacing again. "Back to the matter at hand." he smiled cruelly, and picked up something from the table, setting the bloody knife down. He picked up a whip.

Oh my god, Tony thought, dreading what would come next.

And Aazim brought the whip down on Ziva, once, twice... Tony stopped counting after twenty.

He was no longer holding her hair. She lay collapsed in her own blood, not having the energy to move.

"Stop!" Tony yelled when he couldn't take hearing Ziva's moans anymore.

"Are you ready to tell me?"

"Just leave her alone. Torture me. I'm the one you want information from. Just please, please, stop hurting her." Tony begged. Twice in a half hour. Nice, DiNozzo, he thought sourly.

"That's not how it works."

"Please..."

"It seems that this is not enough incentive for you. I have something else in mind, for Miss David. Now, you tell me, and I will spare her. If you continue to hold out... Well let's say that Ziva will not be very comfortable, will she?"

"What are you going to do?" he asked, terrified.

Aazim laughed.

...

"Timmy! Tell me it's just a terrible rumor! Please, Timmy!" Abby cried as she ran out of the elevator and into the squadroom. "Oh my god! It's not a rumor is it?" she asked, broken hearted as she spied Tony's empty desk. When she had overheard Chuck from human resources saying he heard Tony has gone missing, she had nearly freaked out. But she had held onto hope that it was just a rumor.

Now that hope was completely shattered.

"Tony's really missing," she whispered, staring into space by Tony's desk.

"Abby, you need to stay calm," McGee said softly, getting up from his desk and walking to where she was standing in the middle of the squadroom. He had planned to call her once he was sure that Tony was really missing. Apparently, the whole building knew already, though.

Abby didn't respond, she just continued to stare.

"Abs?" he tested. When she remained unresponsive, he went in front of her and wrapped his arms around him.

"Just stay calm Abby." he whispered in her ear. The moment he touched her, she broke down in sobs.

"Stay calm? H-how can I s-stay c-calm? Tony and Z-Ziva are m-missing! We d-don't know I-if they are a-alive or d-d-d..."

"Abby, they're not dead."

"You can't know that!"

"I need you to breathe for me, Abby," Tim said calmly, holding her tighter.

"Please find them, Timmy," she said softly before burying her head in Tim's shoulder and crying her eyes out.

...

"Is everything going as planned?" Eli asked in hebrew into the receiver of his cell phone. He was currently in the little nook behind the staircase. He couldn't risk anyone overhearing this. He waited a moment and listened to the reply.

"Alright. You have a green light. Follow through as planned.

Eli hung up the phone, smiling.

A/N: please review! As long as it's not mean:) I get aggravated when people leave reviews with criticism and they just keep RAMBLING about inconsistencies. On and on and on... And never a compliment in there. So yeah. Again with the venting. Sorry. I'm a little... Defensive. People tell me I'd make a good lawyer. Like that's gonna happen. But seriously, if you dont like it... Then that sucks for u.

I'm being bitchy again, arent I? Oh well. Please review, thanks for sticking with me for so long! And I might end this soon... Just a fair warning.

Sorry bout the pointless rambling,

Alli

Ps. I know u have been itching for a dedication, keels, so here it is.

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Keely, who thinks I say so wrong and bugs me about the proper word for candy. And it IS candy, btw. Not lolli. FYI:)

Alli:)


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: Okay I know it's been a while. Sorry I will try to update sooner next time!

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER BEGINS WITH A TOPIC THAT IS NOT NECESSARILY COMFORTABLE, BUT IT'S NOT GRAPHIC DON'T WORRY.

"What are you going to do?" he asked, terrified.

Aazim laughed.

"Mr. DiNozzo, you are going to watch me have my way with her. I will spare her that IF you decide to tell me what I want to know."

Tony was speechless. He thought the decision before was hard but this... This is impossible.

"I... I can't... Please!"

"Only two choices. If you choose not to tell me what I want to know, it will be your fault what happens to her." Aazim taunted him. He looked to Ziva. He assurance in her eyes, which was NOT what expected. He expected fear, horror... Instead, there were tones of familiarity.

She had faced this before, and the though disturbed him beyond description.

"Do not say a word, Tony," she managed to say.

He knew that he couldn't go against her wishes. So they both steeled themselves against what was about to happen.

Aazim smiled cruelly.

"If that's how it's going to be, then, I guess I should get started." Ziva shivered, and squeezed her eyes shut. Aazim knelt down and grabbed her shoulders.

And then, mercifully, the door flew open.

"WE HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" the man yelled. Tony assumed that this was James. He was skinny and pale, with huge glasses. His face was panicked.

"I told you not to interrupt us!" Aazim yelled.

"THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! There is a bomb! It's already been detonated, it's on a timer but I don't know how much time is left!" James yelled.

"Are you positive?" Aazim said, his eyes widening.

"I am sure! We need to leave, NOW!"

"Bruce, Max, come on. Leave them." Aazim said, standing up and running out of the room. Max and Bruce released Tony, throwing him onto the ground, hard. They slammed the door.

"No! Please!" Tony yelled, panicked. Ziva was chained to the floor and weak, barely able to move. He couldn't leave her behind.

"Tony, go! Leave me. It's not worth it." Ziva insisted.

"No, Zi. I'm not leaving you!"

"Just go!" she said. He ran to the door, trying to open it.

It was locked.

"It's locked, Ziva. There's no other way out. I'm so sorry." Tony said, crouching down beside her and stroking her head.

"We still have a chance. I think the key to the shackle is on table." she said, hopefully. She tried to sit up, but gasped as pain shot through her body.

Tony stood up and grabbed a key off the table. It was the only one there. And, thank goodness, it fit into the hole of the lock at the end of the chain. He unlocked it and pulled her chain free. It was still attached to her ankle, but she was free. He dashed over quickly and grabbed a cell phone, as well. They were going to need that at some point.

"Behind the divider..." she told him. He looked over to the far end of the room, remembering the metal dividers. It was perfect, he realized. It would shield them from the blast. He wasted to time is grabbing her under the arms, trying to ignore her gasp of pain as he dragged her behind the safety of the divider. Getting her back there was more important. He tried to ignore the fact that she had no clothes as he held her to his chest his back to the door. He held her as tight as he could, trying to protect her from what was to come. She wrapped her good arm around his head, and buried her head into his shoulder.

And then there was a bang, a flash of light, a wave of heat and a blast that knocked them over, so he was on top of her. He held her as tight as he could, trying to shield her from the blast to save her any further bodily harm. Tony felt his skin burning in a few places.

It was over as soon as it began.

An eerie silence settled over the compound. It hadn't been a very strong bomb, it didn't wreck the building, but it was strong enough to bust down the steel door. That had slowed the intensity of the blast, so Tony and Ziva would be able to escape with little more than a few scratches and burns.

Seeing that she was having trouble breathing, he quickly got off her and helped her sit up against the divider.

The blast hadn't done too much damage to their bodies. They both had ash all over them, and a couple burns, but otherwise the bomb hadn't hurt them.

Ziva was still in terrible shape, though. She was battered, bleeding, bruised, and cradling her broken arm.

And he couldn't stand being reminded it was his fault.

"Here," he said, taking off his shirt. He helped her put it on. He noticed her grind her teeth, "Sorry," he apologized.

"It is fine."

"We need to get out of here. Call an ambulance, and Gibbs." Tony suggested, standing up. He bent down and scooped her into his arms.

"Tony, do not... I need to walk," she insisted. Tony was about to object, when he realized that she needed to feel like she wasn't weak. She needed to feel like she wasn't totally helpless.

So he set her down on her feet, and wrapped his left arm around her waist.

"At least let me help," he said. She didn't object this time, instead she wrapped her good arm around his shoulders, letting him take half her weight.

It was a déjà vu for both of them.

On the way out, they passed four charred bodies. They knew they had to be Aazim, Max, Bruce, and James.

Thank god they were dead. They would never have to face them again.

...

It was a miracle. She had been sure that this was the end for them. They would never get out of here alive. But she had felt this was in Somalia, too. And somehow, she had come of out that alive as well. Maybe she just had a knack for near death experiences. But this particular experience opened up old wounds that had just begun to heal. She knew she would have to face them once they were safe again, but for now she had to keep it together.

He had come. He had saved her, again. She had been on the brink of death and he had brought her back, for the second time in a year. It was an amazing feeling knowing someone cared enough about you to throw themselves into danger to save your life. She knew that Tony would come out of this changed, as well. He had been tortured in there as well.

She didn't know how she should feel when she discovered that Tony loved her enough that watching her be hurt could tear him apart inside.

He loved her.

He LOVED her.

He had never said it, but she knew it was true.

And she loved him back. It had taken her six years to finally acknowledge it, but it had always been there.

This revelation came as they limped awkwardly out of the warehouse, her clinging to him like a lifeline. Everything hurt, and walking was excruciating, but she barely noticed. She was too caught up in her thoughts to notice.

As they passed the bodies of the men who had tortured them, she felt a strong sense of relief. If they were still alive, that meant that the threat to her father was still alive, and they would try again. If they were still alive, they would have to track them down and go to court. She would have to testify.

She really did not want to tell anyone what happened to her, unless it was one of her "family." She didn't want to tell a jury.

Finally, they reached the door to the outside. Freedom. They leaned against the side of the building and gently slid down.

Ziva was so tired. She hadn't slept any longer than a couple of hours in at least three days. She was also exhausted due to her physical condition. Just walking that short distance had uses up all of her energy.

So she laid her head down on Tony's shoulder and closed her eyes, drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

A/N: I hope it wasn't too terrible! And don't worry, your tiva is coming! And we get to figure out what's up with daddy dearest... also, am I the only one who thought tuesday's epi was just... NOT GOOD? Just saying. No good FF material for the summer AT ALL!

Ps, we have reached 400 reviews! And this is the 40th chapter... I see a pattern!


	41. Chapter 41

"_911, what is your emergency?"_

"It's complicated. In short, we have a severely beaten and tortured woman who needs medical attention," Tony spoke to the 911 operator, urgently. They had first tried to find Tony's car, but he found that it had been disabled, most likely by the men who took them.

"_And your location?"_

"Um..." Tony thought a minute before giving them the location. He strived to remember where exactly they were at. But, thank goodness, he remembered and told the operator.

"_I have an ambulance en route to your location now."_

"Thank you," Tony gave a sigh of relief, and ended the call. Now he just needed to call Gibbs.

"Crap. Crap, crap, CRAP!" he yelled, chucking the phone away. 

"Tony! What are you doing?" Ziva's brow stitched together as she tried to decipher his motives.

"Stupid phone. It DIED! It's out of battery, Zi!" he growled, aggravated.

"Well you got the call to 911, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Then we can tell the EMTs to let us borrow their phones so we can call Gibbs and the team. It will take a while for them to get here, though," Ziva reasoned.

"I guess it is better that we get patched up before we get squeezed to death by Abby," he joked. Ziva stayed quiet for a minute, as if pondering something.

"Tony, do you remember what I said, in that shipping container four years ago?" she asked, finally.

"You said a lot of things, Zi."

"I said, 'You don't have to joke about it. It's alright to be scared'," she reminded him. Tony sighed.

"I'm not scared, Zi. Not anymore. We are safe now," he pointed out.

"You will not stop worrying until we are safe at home, Tony. And even then you won't stop."

"You are my partner, Ziva. It is my _job_ to worry about you."

"You are worried about more than our physical predicament," she noted.

"I am. I'm worried about what this might do to you," he admitted. He knew if she wasn't in such a bad condition right now, she probably would have gotten mad at him for saying that.

"I am fine, Tony."

"Ziva... the similarities in that place to Somalia are too great to ignore. This is going to leave an impression on you, I can tell," he told her, sympathetically.

"Tony... do not do this now," she warned. She did not think she could take it, not now. Later, maybe, once they were back at home, the she might be able to have this conversation about her mental well-being. 

"You need to, Zi. You need to open up to me, to trust me fully. That doesn't mean now, but... this, all of this, just made our previous problem ten times worse. You practically relived it," he said, taking her bruised hand into his.

"I... I am worried too," she finally admitted. She felt so unlike herself, speaking her mind like that, but Tony had proven to her that she could trust him. And she was in too much pain to fight with him now. "I am worried that I might not be able to bounce back from this. But I feel as though I _can!_ I can do it, Tony. None of this, none of what happened in Somalia, none of what happened here, is my fault. And every single one of my tormentors is dead. They can't hurt me.

"But they find a way to do it. They torture me on the inside, and I can do nothing to stop them," she continued. She wanted to stop, but she had already started and it would be hard to stop. "I feel so weak and helpless after panic attacks, everything I felt in Somalia," she finished. Finally, she was opening up to him. Tony couldn't believe it was happening now, but he was willing to accept it with open arms.

"I am so glad you finally realize that _none_ of this is your fault, Zi. And I know you are going to get tired of hearing this, but you are not weak. Somalia didn't weaken you, it made you so much stronger. You have come out of this different, but you are the real Ziva now. Not the Ziva that your father created to be a killer, but the Ziva you would have become without Mossad. You are starting over," he said, and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you," she said, softly.

"For what?" 

"For saving me."

"I wasn't just going to leave you there, Ziva."

"But you came for me in the first place. This is the second time in less than a year. I do not know why you care so much about me," she said, sadly. She really _didn't _know. She was the assassin, the unthinking killer. He had nearly gotten himself killed twice for her. He had willingly thrown himself into danger, stupidly, in order to save her.

"What the _heck _do you mean by that?" The incredulity in his voice was hard to miss.

"I am not a good person, Tony."

"You are a good person. You are an awesome person."

"I do not know why you think that, though."

"Why not? What have you ever done to me?"

"I stopped trusting you. I accused you of murder. I pinned you to the ground and put my gun to your heart. And still you came for me."

"I thought we put this behind us," Tony sighs.

"Apparently, there are still some things that need clarification."

"No matter what you think, no matter what your father may have led you to believe, you _are _worth saving, Ziva."

"I have a hard time believing that."

"Don't do this, Zi. Don't pity yourself."

"I don't _pity_ myself, Tony."

"How long will it take for this to sink into your head? We _care _about you, Ziva! We are your family! Our love for you is unconditional! We don't have to have a reason!" he cried, exasperated. Ziva smiled. She had known that they loved her, all along. There was just something about hearing it out _loud..._

"You know that feeling is not weakness, right Ziva? Feeling emotion does not make you any less strong," he assured her.

"I know that, but... I have a hard time wrapping my hand around it." Tony smiled at her mess up, but didn't correct her.

"It will take time. It is hard to un-learn everything you have ever been taught."

"All I am asking for is your patience."

"I can live with that. And when you are ready, you will talk? Emotions and feeling and all?" he checked.

"I believe so, yes."

"Then I can wait."

"Thank you."

"For waiting or for saving you?"

"For both," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze. "And others." Before tony could reply, however, he heard the ambulance's wheels approaching. They apparently had not bothered with sirens, considering there was next to nobody around here.

"Do you think you can stand up?" he asked.

"Y-," she was bout to say yes, when she reconsidered, "With help,"

"Alrighty then. Let's get you up," he smiled kindly, gently helping her to her feet. She tried to ignore the pain, but it hurt pretty bad. An EMT reached them just as she got to her feet.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to keep the shock from his voice as he took in the state of their surroundings. Tony realized how strange they must look. They were holding hands, just hanging out in front of a charred and smoking building. She was half naked, only wearing Tony's shirt which fit her more like a short dress. She was also covered in bruises, blood, and lacerations. He, however, was simply a little beat up, which was evident by the developing bruises on his bare chest. But they were all superficial on him, he would be fine. Ziva, on the other hand... she may need to stay over night at the hospital.

"She got kidnapped and tortured by a group of bastards that wanted her father dead," Tony explained, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

"And the building?" the EMT asked (his name tag identified his as Bert), incredulously.

"We aren't sure," Tony replied, musingly. They did not know who had planted the bomb.

"And the perps? Should we call the cops?" Bert asked.

"We _are _the cops. Federal agents to be exact. The perps are all dead. Killed by the blast. There should be four of them," Tony explained.

"Five. Aazim-" Ziva shivered when she said his name, "- said that he had someone else working for him, a woman. He said he killed her a couple days ago. I do not know if that means her body is still in there or in the proximity, but keep that in mind."

"Will do. Can you walk with me?" Bert asked. Tony just glared at him and picked Ziva up. He carried her to the stretcher they had pulled out of the back of the ambulance.

"I need to borrow a phone to call my boss. He needs to know we are okay. She's been missing a little over three days." Bert nodded at Tony, and handed him a cell phone. Tony dialed Gibbs' number.

"Gibbs," came the deep voice over the other end. It wasn't the same voice that Tony remembered, instead it was filled with something Tony had only heard in his voice a couple times.

Grief.

But still, hearing his voice sent a surge of relief through Tony's body. And it hit him. They had done the unimaginable and they had lived.

"Boss. It's Tony," he said, fighting to keep his voice from cracking. Tony heard a sigh of relief from the other end.

"DiNozzo! Where the hell have you been! Is Ziva with you?"

"Yeah. Yeah she's here."

"And?"

"It's not good boss," Tony said softly, walking away behind the ambulance.

"What the hell happened!"

"Well, a group of men, I think they were a hit squad hired by Hamas, kidnapped her and tortured her, tortured _us, _for information."

"Oh god. Is Ziva..." Gibbs was afraid that this would bring back painful memories, and she wouldn't be able to heal this time.

"She's sane. She's handling it quite well. I am having a hard time believing it, but I think this may have a somewhat positive effect on her well-being."

"And why is that?" Gibbs scoffed.

"Well, she seems to realize that it wasn't her fault. That Somalia wasn't her fault. I think she trusts me more now, anyway."

"What did they do to you, DiNozzo?" he asked, worried.

"No time to explain that, they are loading her in the ambulance and we are on our way to a hospital for Ziva."

"Are you okay, Tony?"

"Physically, yeah. They went after me with the mental approach." Gibbs decided not to push it, Tony would tell him later.

"What hospital?" Gibbs asked. Tony leaned over to Bert.

"What hospital are you taking her to?" he whispered.

"What hospital do you want her at? Her condition is stable for now, she had just lost a lot of blood."

"Bethesda Naval Hospital," Tony told him, and Gibbs, at the same time.

"The team will be there when you get there," Gibbs assured him, and hung up. Tony handed the phone back to Bert and hopped in the ambulance with Ziva.

"You called Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

"Yep. I'm pretty sure we are going to have to face a very concerned goth scientist once we get there."

"The whole team is going to be there?" Ziva asked, confused.

"That's what he made it sound like. And of course they would be there, Zi! You have been missing for over three days!" Ziva rolled her eyes.

"I am sure they were dying without me," she said, sarcastically.

"I am sure they were," Tony said, without any sarcasm at all. "Even Eli." At this, Ziva's breathing hitched.

"He was... worried about me?"

"I'm not sure, he made it seem like he was."

"You are lying."

"Not really."

"What do you mean, 'not really'?"

"I mean that he was worried about you, but he made it seem like he had an ulterior motive."

"That sounds just like him. I do not doubt that was the case." Ziva sighed. Eli was always the same. There had to be some reason that he was worried about her. He just was not the type to worry, especially about his estranged daughter. He didn't worry about her when she was in Somalia, why should he now?

…

She couldn't stand this. Not again. They would not lose any more team members. Losing Ziva would have been horrible. It would have been terrible beyond imagining. But losing Tony, as well? Abby did not think the team would be able to bounce back from that, let alone her.

Her makeup was gone. What was left of it resided in the lines of black running down her face. Her pigtails were gone. Her cheeriness was gone. She was just empty.

She had done everything. She had tracked Tony's cell phone, but from what she could tell it had been destroyed. She had tried tracking his car, but the GPS had been disabled. His car had stopped showing up on traffic cameras around the same place that the black getaway van had.

They had nothing.

Tony had been gone nearly a day, when her phone rang. It was Gibbs. She quickly picked up, hoping there had been some new development in the case.

"Get up here," he said, and then she heard a tone. He had hung up. Puzzled, she sat the phone down and went to the elevator to head up to the squadroom, hopeful, but fearing the worst.

…

Ducky was not one to sulk around. But this had him rattled. Someone had taken two of the members of Team Gibbs, and left no trace behind. He felt so useless. There were no bodies. There was nothing the psychologically profile.

There was really nothing he could do to help.

He sort of felt bad. He had taken most of his anger out on poor Mr. Palmer. Jimmy had accepted it with grace, however, knowing that the good doctor needed to vent. They were all worried. They were worried for Tony, for Ziva, and for what this would mean for the team if they didn't return home. Ducky was particularly worried about what this could do to Ziva's already unstable mental health. Not to say that the poor dear was mental, but she had suffered so much. Ducky knew that this could do terrible things to her, psychologically. She was strong, but this could be the last straw. He didn't know the conditions that she was being held in, but he knew that it had to be at least semi-reminiscent to her stay in the desert. He hoped, in fact he _prayed, _that she would get through this.

His phone rang, interrupting his thoughts.

"I'll get it, Doctor," Jimmy offered. "Autopsy," he aswered. "He'll be right up." Jimmy put down the phone.

"They need us upstairs, Doctor."

"Is it about Tony and Ziva?"

"I don't know," he said. Sighing, Ducky got up and walked out of Autopsy.

…

"A success? Good. I am pleased to hear that. And the threat?" he whispered in Hebrew into the phone.

"Has been annihilated, sir."

"Very good. I shall be over soon. Wait. I am getting another call. I will call back." Eli replied. He pressed the answer button, seeing the caller was Gibbs.

"Shalom," he greeted, "Any news on my daughter?"

"Need you in the bullpen, Eli. Now."

Then the line went dead.

A/N: Nice long chapter. Sorry, I didn't put McGee's point of view, but he was with Gibbs when he received the phone call, so I didn't need to put him in there. For all you Tim lovers out there, he will be in the next.

Now, what do you think is going to happen? What was Eli up to, since the mission was a "success?"

Please review, you know how I love them:) this is going to be wrapped up soon... but not before the TIVA!


	42. Chapter 42

The ambulance finally arrived at Bethesda, and when it did, they were greeted by Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Ducky, Palmer, and Eli. Ziva blushed when the paramedics forced her to stay in the stretcher. She did not like feeling weak, especially in front of her father. She tried to remind herself that she no longer should want his approval, as he was no longer a part of her life, but for some reason she wanted him to be proud. She wanted him to love her, even though she knew it would never happen. She would always be just a pawn in his minds eye, not the apple. No, never the apple. She doubted that anyone was ever the apple of his eye (she did get that one right, didn't she?).

Abby let out her typical squeal and fought tooth and nail against the paramedics, which were the only thing holding her back from wrapping Ziva in a big, tight, Abby-hug and squeezing the bejeezus out of her.

She was barely able to see them, however, before being whisked away to surgery. _Apparently_ they had broken her left radius, dislocated her left shoulder, fractured her jaw bone, and broken two of her ribs.

Bastards.

The surgery went fine, no complications to speak of, and for that, they were all grateful. The damage could have been_ so _much worse. However, they were still worried about her mental recovery. She had just started to get over Somalia, and then of course she gets thrown right back to where she started. The universe truly was working against them.

Only when she was settled in a private room in a hospital bed hooked up to all the machines possible, were visitors allowed to see her. She was really hoping for some alone time with Tony, they really needed to talk. She knew he wanted to talk to her too, to sort things out. So many things remain unsaid, things that need to be discussed. She knows she owes it to him. However, she also knows that she needs to assure Abby she is alright, and to brief Gibbs on everything they had learned. If there were more people on Aazim's payroll, Eli's life could still be in danger.

They filed into the room, one by one. She knew that the nurse had told them one at a time, but it was not unlike Gibbs to screw the rules. First came Abby, all hyped up of Caf-Pow, then was Tony, who walked immediately to her bedside. Then there was Gibbs, who had a serious look on his face but she could see the relief in it that came from seeing her and Tony safe. Then was Tim, whose relief showed plain on his face. Then was Ducky, whose face was happy and sympathetic at the same time. Palmer seemed like he wasn't sure what he was supposed to be doing, but she could see the relief on his face as well.

And then came Eli. Her father, who had abandoned her in the middle of the desert. The one who had sent her there in the first place, as a test to her loyalty. The one who was no longer a part of her life, and no longer held that special place in her heart, the one reserved by daughters for their fathers.

"Hello," she said, her voice hoarse, talking to all of them.

"Ziver," she heard Gibbs sigh. He walked to the other side of her bed, and took her hand.

"Oh. My. Gosh. Ziva! How... why do these things keep happening to you? You do not deserve this, Ziva! You're going to be alright, don't worry, we are going to take awesome care of you! Like when Uncle Ernie got sick on Thanksgiving in 2005, and I let Bert cheer him up! Oh, that gives me an idea! Here, you can cuddle with Bert!" Abby exclaimed in her usual eccentric way. She squeezed Bert, making him fart, then handed him to Ziva. Ziva laughed when she glanced over at Eli and saw his confused slash weirded out slash disgusted slash downright freaked expression.

"Ziva, _bat._ How are you?" Eli intervened, figuring now was as good as ever. Ziva's hand tightened around Gibbs' when he called her his daughter in hebrew. She was no more a daughter to him than he was a father to her.

"Fine. As if you would care," she replied with venom, and turned back to Gibbs. She knew she was being harsh on Eli, but he should know how much he hurt her.

"Ziva, Tony, do either of you know who took you?" Gibbs asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Not _exactly..._ They are all dead so it doesn't really matter."

"You killed them _all?_" McGee asked, puzzled. Not that she doubted their abilities, but they were both pretty beat up and the way he said _all _made it sound as if they were significantly outnumbered. "How many of them were there?"

"Four," Tony replied.

"Their team consisted of _five_ people, as far as we know. Their leader was apparently named Aazim, and his two goons were named Max and Bruce. There was another man, James, but we really didn't meet him. I think he was the computer technician."

"And the last?" Eli asked. He was really beginning to worry about this, there was no way this was a coincidence.

"We don't know that much, just that she was a woman. Aazim killed her, I think he made her think she was his boyfriend or something," Tony explained.

"Where were you taken?" Eli questioned. He was getting more nervous that this was what he thought it was.

"A warehouse in Highland County," Tony replied. Eli sighed. That was all the confirmation he needed.

"And what were they after?" Gibbs asked.

"They were after Eli. Hamas hired them to take out Eli." Ziva said, looking to her father, who looked away. Suddenly, Ziva realized something.

"You... you knew! You _bastard!" _she yelled.

"_You _planted the bomb! You could have killed us, you son of a-" Tony realized the same thing.

"Hush, daughter. I did not know you were in that building. I had known you had been kidnapped, yes, but I did not know it was by them! Mossad planted the bomb, but we did not know that you were in there!"

"I think we owe him a thank you, Ziva..." Tony whispered.

"_Why?_ He almost killed us!" Ziva asked incredulously.

"Yes, but if he hadn't almost killed us, he would have raped you and the torture would have continued," Tony reminded her, softly. Finally, Ziva sighed.

"Fine. I am sorry I jumped to conclusions. But that does not mean I forgive you. You have hurt me far to many times. Now leave me and my family be. We do not want you here," she spoke to Eli. A flash of hurt crossed his face.

"I have failed you Ziva. I am sorry," he said on his way out.

"Damn right you have," she whispered, to no one in particular

…

Eli didn't know what to do, where to go. His mission had failed, his mission to win his daughters trust back again. She was all he had left, and she didn't want him to be a part of her life. He knew what he had done to her, and he knew that she had all the reason not to forgive him, let alone trust him.

But he was her _father_. Her love for him was supposed to be unconditional. But, then again, _supposed to be_ was not really something that comes into play in his family. They were sort of... unconventional.

Looking back, he had a lot of regrets when it came to her. He wished he had held her closer to him when she was growing up, and not taken her for granted. He wished that he could have seen the value of having a daughter, a family, when he had been too buried in his work to take notice to her.

And now he was too late. She had a new family. She had actually called her team her _family._ He knew that he would never hold that place in her heart reserves specially for fathers. He had left it empty, and in his absence, Gibbs had filled that hole. Now Eli had no place left. But he was her father, her biological father, surely she could make some room for him?

He was not a cold and heartless as everyone thought he was. Everything he did, he had done for a reason. They might not have had the most well-guided intentions, but he loved his daughter.

He would never had planted that bomb if he had known that Ziva and Tony were in that building. He would have rescued them, even though he was not necessarily a member of the DiNozzo fan club.

Eli knew that he could not give up on her. He wanted her to know that he _cares _about her, that he always had. He just did not show it. He needed her to know that he was not taking her life for granted. He needed her to know that he would have never intentionally blew up the building that she was in.

He needed her forgiveness, then he would leave her alone.

A/N: short chapter, but my sis needs to use the computer. So please review, I think Eli may be OOC, but we really don't know what goes on in his mind. So this could very well be it. Review review review!


	43. Chapter 43

Ziva relaxed into the hospital bed, exhausted. She and Tony had just had their statements taken, and reliving it had taken a lot out of her. She felt like she just needed to sleep.

"Mind if I crash with you?" Tony asked after Gibbs left. Ziva smiled, and scooted over, being careful of the various machines hooked up to her body and the injuries that still ached, even through the morphine. Tony took off his shoes and laid down next to her.

"Should you not have gotten checked out?" Ziva asked.

"I'm not really hurt. A bruise here, a bump there, no biggie," he shrugged, and slipped his hand into hers. "The question is, are _you_ okay?"

"I am fine," she answered, almost automatically. This was how it was going to be, huh? He was going to have to pry her back open, all over again?

"You aren't _fine, _sweetcheecks, and you know it."

"What do you want me to tell you?" He thinks about that for a while.

"Lemme get back to you on that," he yawns. "But for now, ninja needs to get some sleep. You've had a very long four days."

"Good night, Tony," she rolls her eyes, "And, what is it they say? Don't let the bedmites bite?"

"It's bed _bugs_, Zee-VAH." She sighs, and shuts her eyes.

"I still say it should be bedmites."

…

Tony woke to the persistent beeping of a heart monitor. At first, the continual sound annoyed him, but once he identified it as Ziva's steady heartbeat, he no longer found it so obnoxious. He was listening to Ziva's life, something he never thought he would be able to listen to again while they were trapped in the warehouse.

She must have been exhausted, or perhaps it was just the painkillers, but she did not wake when he stood up. The clock on the wall said it was 1030.

Just then, his phone rang, and Ziva's eyes began to flutter. Tony cussed and flipped open his phone.

"DiNozzo," he answered.

"Hey, they found the woman's body, you know the one Aazim said he killed?" McGee asked.

"And?"

"Well, Abby ran her fingerprints. When we ran it through AFIS, we got a match. Amina Charleston, she was born and raised in Israel. Her father was American, and mother was Israeli. She immigrated here in 1998, became an American citizen in 2002."

"What's your point?"

"Well, we ran the print through the NCIS database, and came up with a match as well?"

"She has an alias?" 

"You bet," McGee replied.

"And you will _never_ guess what her alias is!" Abby chimed in.

"Who?" Tony asked, nervous.

"Doctor Justine Bernstein, former NCIS psychiatrist," Abby replied, her voice grim.

"WHAT?" Tony exclaimed. He had guessed that woman was bad news, but to find out she was working for Hamas?

"You heard right, Tony. I just told Gibbs," McGee assured him.

"That_ bitch!_" he yelled, hanging up the phone.

"What is wrong?" Ziva asked, obviously concerned.

"Dr. Bernstein was the woman Aazim killed, the one he fooled into believing she was his girlfriend," Tony informed her, still fuming.

"Wait, my old therapist, the one who caused my panic attack, she worked for Hamas?"

"Yup," Tony seethed.

"I knew there was something... hinky about that woman."

"Yeah. But she's dead now, Zee-VAH. Don't worry about it."

"But still! I am trained to pick out these kinds of things!"

"Don't sweat it, Ziver," came a voice. They turned their heads to see Gibbs walking into the room.

"I can not believe I did not know..." she sighed.

"Well, all the bodies were recovered from the warehouse. They are all dead. Eli has been moved to a safe house with different agents guarding him. They postponed the conference that Eli was supposed to attend until tomorrow. Which means, he won't be gone until early tomorrow morning."

"He better not come here again or I swear I will-" Tony threatened.

"Killing the director of Mossad is not the smartest thing to do, Tony," Ziva warned him.

"Who said I was planning on killing him? The son of a bitch needs to suffer like you did."

"Kidnapping is just as bad," Ziva chuckled. In all honesty, though, she was happy that she had someone willing to stick his neck out for her like that. She smiled up at him, and as she did so realized how truly exhausted he was, despite sleeping most of the night.

"Go home, Tony," she ordered. "You too, Gibbs. Go home and get some sleep. Both of you look exhausted."

"We aren't leaving you, Ziva," Tony stood his ground.

"Go. Home. I will be fine, I am surrounded by security guards and doctors. I do not need you here now. You need to get some sleep," she insisted. Tony sighed.

"Alright. Are you sure?"

"Positive!" she rolled her eyes. "Now, shoot. Both of you!" They laughed at her mix up, and walked out the door.

"Shoo, Ziva!" the corrected simultaneously.

Maybe things were getting back to normal.

…

"Hello, I am here to see Ziva David." The nurse looked up at the man and smiled.

"Room 306. Are you family?"

"I am her father," Eli smiled, and started up to room 306.

…

Ziva looked up as her door opened.

"Gibbs, I thoguht I told you-" she began, but stopped mid sentence. "What are you doing here?" she asked with venom in her voice. 

"I thought I should come see how my daughter was doing," Eli answered, walking to her bedside and taking her hand, which she forcefully yanked back.

"You never cared before. Why now?" she asked, hurt obvious in her voice.

"I looked for you, Zivaleh! I was told by my sources that you had been killed. I tried to recover your body, but I did not have the resources."

"NCIS was able to find me," she pointed out.

"I still do not know how they did it!"

"You sent me to _die!_ To test my loyalty to you!" she was angry now.

"I did not know it would turn out like that!"

"I does not matter! Every day, I imagined you knocking down the door to my cell and taking me in your arms and taking me home. And ever single one of those god-forsaken days, it did not happen. It never _did!_ The ones who abandoned me were the ones who saved me, not my real family! Not my flesh and blood!"

"I am sorry, Ziva," Eli said, sincerity in his voice. Ziva was caught off guard. Never before, in her life, had she heard her father apologize. "I am sorry for not paying attention to you. I am sorry for sending you to die. I am sorry for everything I did for you, but you have to know that I thought it was for the best!"

"You do not really think and apology will cut it, do you? Because if you do, I think I may have to get you some mental help!"

"It is over, Ziva! You are out of Somalia!"

"Do you really think that that matters? I am still haunted! I wake up almost every night screaming! I can not longer be intimate with a man! Just a few weeks ago, I was in this hospital from a panic attack because some idiot therapist spilt Caf-Pow! All over me!"

"What does soda have to do with this?"

"It was Salim's favorite drink, Eli! Just smelling it makes me panic, think I am back there! I was diagnosed with Post traumatic Stress Disorder the same day that it was spilt on me."

"Post traumatic Stress Disorder?" Eli asked, shocked. It had affected her that much?

"It still haunts my life, Eli. I am still afraid to fall asleep because I fear that getting out was a dream!" Ziva was breathing heavy after her outburst. She had been wanting to tell her father this all along, to show him all he had done.

"I... I am so sorry, _bat._ So sorry," he apologized again. He took her hand, and this time she did not pull away.

"I just want it to stop," she admitted.

"I do not want to be estranged from you anymore, Zivaleh. I want to be a part of your life. I know that you will never think of me as your father, but at least could you keep in touch? I will be gone the day after tomorrow, and I do not want you to go back to hating me again."

"I will keep in touch, Eli," she promised as he pulled his hand away to leave. He was almost out the door when she called, "Eli?" He turned his head. She took a deep breath.

"I forgive you."

A/N: sorry it was short, but my mom is yelling at me to take a shower. And also, friday is my last day of school so I may not update until this weekend seeing as I will be pretty busy this week. Please review!


	44. Chapter 44

It felt like it had been ages that she has been stuck in the hospital, unable to be worthwhile doing anything. Her father had already left, after she promised to not loose touch. He had no idea what an apology, just a simple apology, meant to her. She had needed to know that he felt remorse for what he did to her, that he wasn't just writing her off. She had that now, and it left her in surprisingly high spirits. The nightmares of the torture still came, but Tony was there to wake her up and comfort her afterwards. By this point, she did not fight against their help, because it made her feel weak. Sure, it did make her feel weak, but she was past the point of caring now. She was now able to admit to herself something she never could before: she needed the help.

"Knock knock," a voice said. She turned her head from the window and smiled at Tony, who had just entered.

"I come bearing gifts," he states, setting down a pizza box on the table next to her. She let out a broad smile. They had taken out the IV a couple days ago, and she has been eating normal (and a lot) ever since.

"Thank you," she said, gratefully.

"The doctor said you could leave tonight. Around 1800-ish," he informed her. Her face brightened considerably.

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you?" he teased.

"As a matter of fact, yes. You would. And you _have_, on multiple occasions!" she laughed.

"Okay, like?" he said, faking disbelief.

"We are not having this conversation," she stated, grabbing a slice of pizza.

"But we do need to have a... conversation. A serious one," he reminded her. In an instant the mood went from playful to completely serious.

"You know I would rather leave sleeping wolves lie," she warned.

"Bears."

"I do not care! Tony, I do not want to relive it, how hard is that for you to understand!" 

"Do you think that _I_ want to relive what happened in there?"

"NO! And that is what I do not understand! Why the eagerness to discuss and obviously painful subject?"

"They hurt me in there too. Not physically, but mentally. Ziva, Aazim was right. I almost cracked in there. I hate watching you being hurt, knowing I have the power to stop it... but at a great cost! If that bomb hadn't been planted, and I had to watch you being violated like that... I probably _would_ have told him everything!" 

"I knew this was a dangerous job when I took it, Tony. I knew the risks involved," she insists. He sees something in her eyes that he can't describe, which reminds him...

"Ziva, has it happened before?" he bravely asks. He knows he is completely violating her privacy, but he needs to know. He has this... gut feeling that it happened in Somalia. It's just logic. One woman, thirty men... he was not a fool.

"Has what happened before?" she asks, obviously avoiding the question.

"You know what, we'll talk about this later, okay?" he chickens out. But he _does_ fully intend to revisit this topic. He needs her to open up. _He_ needs to open up. He desperately needs to talk to her about what happened in that warehouse, because he was there. He wasn't _there_, those three months in the desert. He didn't know what she went through. But he was there in the warehouse, and that made a whole hell of a difference.

"Okay," she agreed, seemingly relieved. She grabbed another piece of pizza.

"You are going to come home with me tonight," he states. It's not a question, not an offer... just a statement. And she doesn't object, much to his surprise. She just nods.

"So we can talk, yes?"

"Yeah. You may not think you need to talk... but Ziva I do. I need to talk about what happened. I'm not like you, I haven't been through this before. I don't know how I'm supposed to be coping, or not coping..."

"And you think _I_ am a good role model?" she scoffs.

"Not necessarily. But I need to know I'm not going through this alone. I know this all sounds incredibly selfish, but it is true. I didn't go through what you went through, my mind is not as traumatized as yours, but I am not superman. I need a little support," he admits. He knows that she will never talk if she thinks she's doing it for her own recovery, no her pride wouldn't let her do that, but if she thought it was helping Tony get over what happened, she would do it in a heartbeat. "Think about it, Zee-VAH. It's a win-win situation. We both talk to each other about what happened, and we both come out better for it."

"What makes everybody think that _talking about it_ will help? Why do people think that _reliving_ months of torture will help me!" she exploded. She had never talked about it, for a good reason. One, she didn't want to bring back up the past unnecessarily. Two, if she talked about it, she was sure to break down sobbing or something! That was just too embarassing.

"It's not so much the talking that will help you, help _us,_ Ziva. It's more of the fact of getting the burden off your shoulders, sharing it with someone else," he tried to explain.

"I do not ask for _anyone_ to help me carry around this burden. You, nor anyone else, did anything to deserve it! I do not want to unload all my problems on to you!"

"And you didn't ask for anyone to come rescue you in that god-forsaken desert, but here you are! You said you didn't deserve it, but Ziva, what did _you_ do wrong!"

"I left you! I betrayed you and I threatened to kill you! And I kill _people!_ I am just like Salim! Do you not think that I have not, at sometime in my life, used every one of the techniques he used on me on another poor unfortunate soul!" she cried. Tony was horrified at the thought of Ziva torturing someone, but he knew that it had been her job, her upbringing. She didn't really know any better. Plus, he had asked for her to talk to him. Here she was, with her walls gently coming down.

"What happened to you was not your fault."

"I feel like it was justice! For all of the lives I have taken, all the people I have hurt! I deserved that and_ so much more!_ If you would have just_ stayed away _maybe my soul would be cleansed now! Maybe I would have paid for all my sins!"

"You would be dead!" he pointed out.

"I know that! Sometimes I wish I _was!"_ Tony was shocked.

"You... you wish... Ziva, have you ever thought about suicide?" he asked, afraid of that answer.

"Yes."

"W... when?"

"In Somalia."

"That doesn't count," he told. Anyone in their right mind would have thought about suicide when they were being tortured half to death.

"Fine! I thought about it a lot after we brought down the Damocles. Tony, can we not have this discussion?" she practically begged him to change the subject.

"Alright. We need to get you out of here, anyway. It's almost time for you to go home."

"Not home."

"My home," he amended.

"Good," she smiled.

"I will go get the doctor to sign the release forms. Are you sure you feel ready to go?" he checked. She rolled her eyes.

"Positive."

"Good." He knew she was far from ready, but he went to go find the doctor so they could get the hell out of here anyways.

…

They pulled up to his apartment just as the sun was setting. They were both quite nervous, neither had been able to bring up the taboo subject of their kidnapping on the car ride. One of them would have to make the leap tonight, and Tony had a feeling it was going to be him.

"Here we are," he said, turning off the motor. She unbuckled her seatbelt and reluctantly took his hand as he helped her out of the car. As much as she wanted to be, she was not good as new yet. He had to fight himself not to carry her all the way up to his apartment. She didn't need to feel any more helpless.

"I was thinking maybe pizza for dinner?" he suggested, hanging up his coat and setting down his keys. Ziva went straight to the couch. Their damn elevator had been broken again, and the stairs had tired her.

"Sounds good," she replied, sitting down. She pulled out the first magazine she could find and started pretending to read.

"I know you aren't actually reading, Zee-VAH," he pointed out, pulling the magazine away from her. "We need to talk. Putting it off won't help anything."

"Who said I was putting it off?" she challenged, turning to him as he sat down next to her.

"I know you, Ziva. You don't wanna have this conversation, and I don't blame you. But you need to talk about it. I don't see how it will get better if you don't stop keeping it bottled up inside!" Ziva sighed.

"I do not see how it will get better if I do," she pointed out.

"This isn't a debate, you promised you would talk about it."

"When did I promise that, Tony! I do not remember making any promises."

"The promise was implied," he explained.

"You should not assume things. You will only be disappointed. This is not your business, not your problem, so why do you care?"

"Did you _seriously_ just ask me why I care about you?" he scoffed incredulously.

"No. I know you care about me. I have come to realize that, and as difficult as it is for me to understand that, that is not what I am talking about," she contradicted.

"Then what _are_ you talking about?"

"I am talking about why you care so much for my problems! They are mine, and not something you need to worry about."

"You and your 'problems' are a package deal. I worry about you, you are my partner. I always have your six. That doesn't just apply in the field. I have your back everywhere else also."

"But you do not need to worry about my... emotional wellbeing."

"I _do_ need to worry about your 'emotional wellbeing.' And keep in mind, it's not just your emotional wellbeing I am looking out for! I was there, in that warehouse too, remember? Even if by some miracle, you came out of that completely unscathed, I _didn't!_ This hasn't happened to me before! I need to talk about what happened, with you, with the only other person there! If not for you, do this for _me_," he practically begged. Ziva stared at him. How could she have been so selfish! If Tony needs to talk about it, she should help him recover. She can't just abandon him because she is afraid that if she talks about it, her walls may come down again!

"I... I did not think about that. I am sorry..." she begins, breaking rule 6.

"Don't be. Just please, talk to me," he replies, taking her hand. His voice had held some unknown element that made her _want_ to open up to him. But opening up meant entrusting her heart to someone. She couldn't do that. So many men in her life had hurt her, so many men she trusted. _I could not afford to trust you..._ Her words of what seemed like so long ago came back to her. Could not. Past tense. She could trust him now, couldn't she? He had proven his loyalty, proven he wasn't like Michael, Eli, Ari, and so many others. She knew she could trust him. She why wasn't she opening up to him?

Because, in the end, it all came down to her upbringing. All those rules and all that training that had been pounded into her head. She was gradually breaking free of those rules, one by one, but the _Trust no one_ rule was still perfectly intact. She trusted them, her team, her family, a little, but trusting them to her heart and her soul was another matter entirely. Trusting them with her emotions was such a huge leap to make for her.

Was it one she was willing to make tonight?

Yes. Yes, she was willing. She knew that once she started to open up to him, he would begin to take apart her walls, brick by brick. It would be a long, agonizingly slow process, and a process that could only begin and continue to progress with her consent.

She was prepared to give him that consent. So she takes a deep breath.

"What do you want to know?" she asks, bravely. His face breaks into a smile, which he failingly tries to hide.

"Do you resent me?"

"Why would I resent you?" she asks, incredulous.

"Let me rephrase the question. Are you mad at me for not giving away information to save you?" he amends. She looks at him confused.

"Why would I ever be mad at you for that? I told you not to tell them anything. I do not care what he would have done to me, if you had stayed quiet. Why do you ask?"

"Because! It's been eating at me all week! The guilt, the pain of witnessing your agony... I was not physically hurt, Ziva, but they still tortured me. And... I honestly don't think I would have been able to keep my silence if he would have... done what he was about to do to you."

"Tony..." 

"Which brings me to my next question. Has it happened to you before?" he asks, afraid of the answer. Ziva takes a deep breath.

"Yes." Tony squeezes his eyes shut until the pain of her revelation becomes bearable.

"Somalia?" he guesses, his pain evident in his voice. She sighs, looking away. "What? What is it, Ziva? Not in Somalia?" he asks, shocked.

"No, in Somalia." Tony takes a deep breath to steady himself as he realizes what she is trying to tell him.

"Where else?"

"The... the warehouse. The first day," she replied. Tony suddenly was filled with so many emotions. Guilt. Pain. Horror. Sadness.

"Oh my god... Ziva," he sighed, sounding so broken. He pulled her into his torso, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. He tried to ignore how she flinched at the unexpected hug. "I am so, so sorry," he apologized, speaking into her hair, inhaling her scent.

"Why on earth are you sorry?" she asked, surprised. Instead of fighting the contact, she leaned into him.

"Because! If I hadn't taken so damn long finding you! If I had just gone with you to that stupid coffee shop-"

"No, Tony! Do not _dare_ blame this on yourself! It is not your fault! It is not _my_ fault! It is Aazim's fault, and Hamas. Not ours," she interrupted. He smiled a little. Hearing it form her meant so much. He was so glad she also admitted it was not her fault.

"Just like Somalia was not your fault. It was Eli's and Salim's. Not yours," he pointed out. She smiled a little.

"Thank you for being so understanding." she kissed his cheek.

"Always. I'm always here for you, and so is Gibbs, and McGee, and Abby, and Ducky."

Ziva smiled, leaning into his embrace.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

"Finding me."

"When, in Somalia? Or the warehouse?"

"Both."

"I told you before. I can't live without you, it hurts too much."

"I'm sure you would find another partner."

"No, Ziva. You don't seem to get it."

"What? What do I not get?" she asked, confused. He looked in her eyes, and too a deep breath.

"I love you, Ziva David."

And then he kissed her.

A/N: so... what do ya think? Finally, their not in denial anymore! If only the writers could just do that... all would be right with the world. A couple days ago, I realized that I hadn't actually _watched_ an episode of NCIS in about a month. All i'd been doing was reading FF. Which has pretty bad consequences on my writing. It becomes _really_ OOC. So I watched a _lot_ of NCIS this week, and hopefully my original incharacter-ness has been restored. So, please review! Sorry it took so long for this, but school just got out and i'm enjoying summer! REVIEW!


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: I had absolutely NO IDEA this would be my last chapter. But it is. So enjoy! It's short, so it's more of an epilogue, I guess. Sorry about the shortness, but I felt this was a good place to end it.

Disclaimer: Never have, never will.

"_No, Ziva. You don't seem to get it."_

"_What? What do I not get?" she asked, confused. He looked in her eyes, and took a deep breath._

"_I love you, Ziva David." _

_And then he kissed her._

"You...?" Ziva began, but was soon rendered speechless, both by his words and his gentle kiss. This was a complete shock. After all those years of denial, he had finally admitted it.

"I meant what I said in Somalia, Ziva. I can't live without you. I don't _want_ to live without you," he told her, love filling his voice. She still could not speak. It was too much to process.

So instead, she kissed him again. She kissed him to show how much she returned his sentiment. After what seemed like ages, she found her voice and pulled away.

"I am not ready for a relationship, Tony," she said sadly. After everything she's gone through, this isn't what she needs right now. Tony gave her a small smile.

"I will wait for you. I have waited for six years already, I am sure I can wait however long you need," he promised.

"When... when did you realize..." she asked. Tony fought a smile. This was the second time in less than a minute he had caused her to be speechless.

"That I loved you? This is going to sound horribly cliché, like the playwright of a terribly mushy play, but I guess I always knew. I just... never admitted it to myself. Not until I lost you, until I thought you were gone forever. I am tired of pretending my feelings don't exist," he told her. He sounded like some lovestruck teenager.

"Why did you not tell me before?" she asked.

"Because you weren't ready. You still aren't ready. But we can take this slow, I want to do this the right way. First, though, I need to know if you want to," he asked, cautious. He had realized that she had never said it back.

"Tony... I can not say the words. I can tell you how much you mean to me, how much I care for you, but I can not say the words. I am not ready," she sighed. He took her hand.

"We have all the time you need," he whispered, and bent down to kiss the back of her hand. She smiled.

"And rule 12?"

"Screw rule twelve," he scoffed.

"You really want to do this?" she checked.

"Do you?"

"Of course... I just need you to know that I am not the same person you apparently fell in love with. I have changed," she warned.

"And, somehow, I love you even more now," he grinned.

"And you accept that I am messed up?" she asked.

"You're not messed up, Ziva. You are simply recovering," he assured her. Ziva looked at him, curious.

"So you honestly love me?" she asked again. He sighed.

"I don't know why you keep asking me that, Zi. Is it so hard to accept that there are people in the world that actually give a crap what happens to you?" He stroked the back of her hand.

"It... it used to be. But not anymore. I feel like I am... home."

"You_ are _home, Ziva," he assured her.

"The PTSD will fade with time, I assume," Ziva stated. Tony laughed at her optimism.

"I will not push you. I will help you along your road to recovery. We all will. Eli included. I am proud of you for forgiving him. That took guts, and you are the better person for it."

Ziva sighed. Eli. What would he think of her relationship with Tony? He most definitely would not approve, but she had to remind herself that this is her life, and she will live it how she wants to.

"Thank you, Tony," she nodded.

"Anytime, Zee-VAH, anytime."

They both felt like a huge weight had been lifted off their shoulders. Everything was out in the open now. Ziva had opened up, let Tony in. It was an enormous feat, that. Tony had begun to think it would never happen. But it had. There had been a lot of bumps along the way, and hurdles that seemed to bring everything to a stand still. In the end, however, they had beaten the odds and got going again. Ziva was now on the road to recovery, and Tony and the rest of her family were right there with her. Tony got up off the couch, and headed to the kitchen. He came back with two glasses of champagne. He offered one to Ziva, who took it with thanks.

"To a new beginning," he toasted. She lightly touched her glass to his, followed by their lips meeting in a kiss.

"A new beginning," Ziva agreed.

And so they sat, sipping their champagne together, while the first few rays of sunlight streamed through the windows. A new day, a fresh start.

The beginning.

FIN

A/N: since this is the last chapter, I expect a lot of reviews! Even if you are one of those people that normally just reads and then doesn't review, review this time! It would make me extremely happy to know what you thought of the story as a whole. In Microsoft word format, this was over a hundred fifty pages! Please review, it means a lot to me. Thank you to everybody who have stuck by this story, you are all my inspiration and I love you all dearly. Thank you to everybody, and I would like to give a shout out to ninjaintraining01, who was my very first reviewer and has been there from the beginning. thanks to everybody. I may do a short sequel later, when I feel up to it! So tell me what you thought of all of this!

Farewell,

Alli


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